when you say you don't want anything, do you mean it?

Lunar_Eclipse

74jax wrote: »

if say next week he fancied something, he'd just buy it rather than say 'ooo that would be nice for my birthday'.

Even something like a Rolex? Or a new sports car?

I always said I wanted 2 weeks in the Caribbean (DH, no kids) and a sports car for my 40th. As it approached I realised I didn't actually want either of those things. Relief!

lostinrates

74jax wrote: »

I agree, which i think is why i'm finding it hard. For eeg I bought him a personalised plate for no reason really, just i knew he'd love it and was about his hobby, but maybe I should I have kept it for an occasion and then i wouldn't be in this predicament :rotfl:

My husband also wants nothing but me on birthdays, but he does love surprises. We have chickens, and most mornings at home he has fried eggs This year I gave him a fried egg shape that makes the yolk the sun, and the white a cloud, so its the sun coming out from behind a cloud. Its a negligible spend, but he's used it ( with varying success!) every morning at home since then. They make ( among others ) a skull one, for which you need two eggs, and streaky bacon makes the cross bones. I thought that was brilliant, and he has two eggs, but we do not eat bacon daily. And the sun is cuter. .

A very small 'I love you' gift, was a surprise, which was nice. And I made a cake.

74jax

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

Even something like a Rolex? Or a new sports car?

I always said I wanted 2 weeks in the Caribbean (DH, no kids) and a sports car for my 40th. As it approached I realised I didn't actually want either of those things. Relief!

Yep!

He once bought a VW van (all kitted out) on a whim (for his hobby), he'll often come home with kites he's bought (around 1k each) as he needed one.

But i'm the same. I once booked to take my daughter and I to New york because I saw the price, thought wow thats too good to miss and booked it there and then.

DKLS

bylromarha wrote: »

If it was a man saying it, they likely mean it.

If it was a woman saying it, they likely don't mean it.

ie - I said to my hubby last birthday "don't do anything special" so I got nothing arranged for me and a bunch of flowers. I was not impressed - I ended up arranging my own meal out last minute and the only people who were available to join us are hard work at times. I made him sit next to them, while I chatted with the kids. He had a terrible evening - and realises now that "nothing special" means "get something arranged, just doesn't need to be overboard"

Talk about making it hard work for the poor guy, couldn't you have simply communicated your desires, rather than say don't do anything special which to a man will mean don't do anything special.

I had an ex like this, I asked her what she wanted for chistmas, she said nothing, so she got exactly that and sulked for a week. Apparently i should have known that "nothing" actually translated to: a designer handbag, new gloves, watch and a necklace.

SingleSue

duchy wrote: »

Either he doesn't want anything -or he doesn't really want to acknowledge turning forty. Whilst some people want to celebrate the big "0" birthdays others deep down don't really want it rubbing in or reminding. Maybe it's that ?

Many of my friends struggled with their 30th birthdays whereas it genuinely didn't bother me at all.......but forty did !!

I was a little apprehensive about turning 40 but that disappeared 4 days before my birthday when my dad had a massive stroke.

My 40th passed without me noticing in the end and we had a late and very quiet celebration meal with just me and the boys.

We've banned celebrating 40th's in this family now, dad had his first heart attack just before my brother's 40th! My sister in law's 40th tomorrow and we have labelled it her 39 and a bit birthday.....

SingleSue

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

I think he's saying there is nothing specific that he can think of that he wants. And yes, I have said that and meant it in the past.

BUT, this absolutely doesn't mean ignore it's my birthday. I would be very upset about that.

I had that problem this year (for my 45th urgh), there was nothing I specifically wanted or needed but I still wanted to feel special on the day. In the end, my parent's took me out for a lovely meal which I thoroughly enjoyed, youngest surprised me and did some artwork (he does artwork on his own terms and his 'work' is as rare as hen's teeth - he has only just started doing it again after a 4 or 5 year break), middle son bought me a concert ticket and eldest gave me money to treat myself with whatever I wanted (and strict instructions not to spend it on the household).

lostinrates

SingleSue wrote: »

I was a little apprehensive about turning 40 but that disappeared 4 days before my birthday when my dad had a massive stroke.

My 40th passed without me noticing in the end and we had a late and very quiet celebration meal with just me and the boys.

We've banned celebrating 40th's in this family now, dad had his first heart attack just before my brother's 40th! My sister in law's 40th tomorrow and we have labelled it her 39 and a bit birthday.....

I'm very seriously considering a forty day retreat for my 40th. It was never something I'd even contemplated before this year because in all honesty I didn't think I'd make it. Now its a few years away and I cannot see why I wouldn't, given no accident or misjudgement.

My DH is NOT impressed by this rough outline of an idea.

balletshoes

bylromarha wrote: »

If it was a man saying it, they likely mean it.

If it was a woman saying it, they likely don't mean it.

ie - I said to my hubby last birthday "don't do anything special" so I got nothing arranged for me and a bunch of flowers. I was not impressed - I ended up arranging my own meal out last minute and the only people who were available to join us are hard work at times. I made him sit next to them, while I chatted with the kids. He had a terrible evening - and realises now that "nothing special" means "get something arranged, just doesn't need to be overboard"

Maybe a gift card for something like Red Letter Days so he can buy what he wants through the year? Dull, but better than nothing.

I'm female in my 40s, if I'd said "don't do anything special" to my OH for my birthday, a bunch of flowers would have been fine to me .
If, like the OP's partner, I've been told that he doesn't want/need anything for his birthday, I'd accept it at face value. If I really wanted to buy him something in particular for his birthday, which I'd come up with and which I thought he'd like, I'd do it, but if nothing jumped out at me I'd just go with a nice card, maybe take him out for a meal to somewhere you know he likes, just the pair of you, nice and relaxed.

Gloomendoom

DKLS wrote: »

I had an ex like this, I asked her what she wanted for chistmas, she said nothing, so she got exactly that and sulked for a week. Apparently i should have known that "nothing" actually translated to: a designer handbag, new gloves, watch and a necklace.

My ex was similar. "But you should have known" became one of her catchphrases. I'm still not sure why or how I should have known, not being blessed with mind reading superpowers.

If Mrs G wants anything, she asks or sometimes writes me a list in plain English. I think this relationship may last.

onomatopoeia99

74jax wrote: »

OHs 40th soon, he said he doesn't want anything, so I'm just wondering if any of you have said this and if you mean it?

I'm male. If I were to say "I don't want anything", I would mean "I don't want anything." (and would be entirely content if I got nothing)