when you say you don't want anything, do you mean it?

74jax

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I wouldn't keep throwing out suggestions and asking if he wants such and such, I can understand why he's negative about that approach.

Why not just go ahead and book something?

I need him to have time off his hobby. He competes and so it needs to be planned like a military operation.

Usually it's no problem, we will say to each other book such and such weekend off and it's a surprise were we go out book a week off work and again the destination is a surprise.

I have to ask him for certain things as he would just go out and buy it and end up with two.

74jax

enjoyyourshoes wrote: »

Might be worth getting the rationale behind why he says he doesn't want anything:-


1. Debt
2.40 !
3.etc


But unless a conversation happens you will never know

It's not debt, probably the opposite. We have done so much, I had a wish list for my 40th which was Christmas and we did loads for that. Plus if he wants something he buys it. He earns four times me, so where I need to save to take him away for a week etc, he would just buy it.

We have had the discussion, hence I'm asking do people really mean it, as I feel bad. We spoil each other normally. But I think I have to put that to one side.

74jax

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Yeah, it's an interesting question I guess. Because as you've found out, some people do and some people don't!

Is it near your wedding anniversary? The reason I say that is because am I right in thinking that that is coming up shortly? I'm not some weird stalker or anything it's just that I remember that you got married either just before or just after me I think?

If so, you could sort of tag it onto that as a weekend away or whatever? But like marisco says spending time together is so much more important than material gifts.

Ha ha yes it is. Six weeks before. Already know what we're doing for that though.... Although I went and booked a girlie holiday for the week which happens to be over the date without realising.....so we are doing something when I get back..... TWO YEARS!!!!!!

zarf2007

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Bit sexist isn't it? ^^^

I can say for certain as a women, that if I say something like I don't want something, then I mean it, and so would the fast majority of women.

If you say something but mean different, then it's your (not you personally, but in general) own stupid fault, and you should say what you mean. Which means if you want something or want to do something then say so in the first place. I can't be doing with folk who !!!!!foot around and then act all hurt and passive aggressive later on.

I I know where the OP is coming from though. People feel that because it's a big birthday that something big should be done to celebrate. I guess she'll be able to tell if he really means it, and some people just don't like a lot of fuss I guess and that needs to be respected.

So if you asked your boyfriend/husband "How do I look" you'd be happy with an honest answer? show me a woman who would and I'd marry her.....

74jax

zarf2007 wrote: »

So if you asked your boyfriend/husband "How do I look" you'd be happy with an honest answer? show me a woman who would and I'd marry her.....

That would be me, although you can't marry me as I have this blooming husband who doesn't want anything :rotfl:unless you're easy to please for presents

if I ask hubby how I look he will frequestly tell me - omg what is going on with your hair, you look a mess, them trousers make you look pregnant :rotfl:mind my DD is the best 'I would cross over the road if you wore that mum'.........

System

Plain speaking in my house. If I want something i'll say I do. If I don't, i'll say that too.

Hubby is the same.

Its no good guessing and playing games and being disappointed at the end.

Gloomendoom

zarf2007 wrote: »

So if you asked your boyfriend/husband "How do I look" you'd be happy with an honest answer? show me a woman who would and I'd marry her.....

If my wife asks me how she looks, she gets an honest answer. That is what she wants.

In fact, she asked for my opinion last weekend and I suggested that the outfit might be more flattering if she lost a few ounces.

lostinrates

maman wrote: »

I definitely mean it when I say it. What I mean is I don't want any gifts because I can buy myself anything I need so there's nothing I want. To me there's nothing worse than buying (or receiving) 'stuff' just for the sake of it. I also mean it if I say I don't want a big party or something like that. But I would be disappointed if the day passed with no recognition at all.


So I'd at least try and each have the day off on his birthday and go out and spend the day together or if he won't even do that spoil him at home. Perhaps he's like some friends round or go out for a meal.


Then I'd wait until he comes up with an idea of something he wants or would like to do at some point in the future and say 'I didn't get you anything for your birthday, I'll treat you'.

I prefer no gifts for occasions. I feel exactly this about stuff. A gift seen and offered because its ideal for me, and given on a random day with love, is much more precious than something that's ok on my birthday.

We cannot always spend the day together either ( DH works away for work) And that's ok too, we are adult, and if we can make it work we do, if we cannot, I recognise its not through lack of love, in fact, I feel more blessed than many in that respect.

It can be uncomfortable for others and I am gracious, I hope, when I receive gifts etc. I feel extremely lucky and humble that people care for me to remember me. I would prefer to have a coffee or something with them on some other date, or that they buy something they like for themselves:o.

duchy

Either he doesn't want anything -or he doesn't really want to acknowledge turning forty. Whilst some people want to celebrate the big "0" birthdays others deep down don't really want it rubbing in or reminding. Maybe it's that ?

Many of my friends struggled with their 30th birthdays whereas it genuinely didn't bother me at all.......but forty did !!

74jax

duchy wrote: »

Either he doesn't want anything -or he doesn't really want to acknowledge turning forty. Whilst some people want to celebrate the big "0" birthdays others deep down don't really want it rubbing in or reminding. Maybe it's that ?

Many of my friends struggled with their 30th birthdays whereas it genuinely didn't bother me at all.......but forty did !!

He's ok with a beach bbq party and friends coming etc, so he is acknowledging it, we're planning that at the moment, but it's just his gift.

i think he genuinley does have everything he wants and if say next week he fancied something, he'd just buy it rather than say 'ooo that would be nice for my birthday'.

i found a fab drone with isn't remote controlled (as no-one could control it) but follows you (lilly I think it's called) but it's not out till next year - so i have his christmas present sorted at least :rotfl: