when you say you don't want anything, do you mean it?

Georgiegirl256

74jax wrote: »

Yeah he means it. Not in any bad way, just he doesn't want anything.

We always do something 'special' been to Rome, Paris, helicopter trip, posh restaurant, money isn't the problem, it's just he really doesn't want anything.

I really just wondered if people meant it when they said that.

Yeah, it's an interesting question I guess. Because as you've found out, some people do and some people don't!

Is it near your wedding anniversary? The reason I say that is because am I right in thinking that that is coming up shortly? I'm not some weird stalker or anything it's just that I remember that you got married either just before or just after me I think?

If so, you could sort of tag it onto that as a weekend away or whatever? But like marisco says spending time together is so much more important than material gifts.

maman

I definitely mean it when I say it. What I mean is I don't want any gifts because I can buy myself anything I need so there's nothing I want. To me there's nothing worse than buying (or receiving) 'stuff' just for the sake of it. I also mean it if I say I don't want a big party or something like that. But I would be disappointed if the day passed with no recognition at all.


So I'd at least try and each have the day off on his birthday and go out and spend the day together or if he won't even do that spoil him at home. Perhaps he's like some friends round or go out for a meal.


Then I'd wait until he comes up with an idea of something he wants or would like to do at some point in the future and say 'I didn't get you anything for your birthday, I'll treat you'.

dragonette

I usually mean it. A small gift, or extra cuddles or something would be enough for me

missbiggles1

I wouldn't keep throwing out suggestions and asking if he wants such and such, I can understand why he's negative about that approach.

Why not just go ahead and book something?

double_mummy

how about something a bit left of field

do a big box for him to open with a jar of 40 memories from your relationship in, 40 of his fave sweets, 40 reasons you love him, 40 home made coupons - either for things like rubbing his feet or making his fave dinner or naughty ones, a good old fashioned mix tape (or CD or ipod playlist) of 40 songs that mean something to you as a couple, 40 balloons, a collage of 40 images of him, a 40 word poem you write for him, 40 kids toys - like the ones you get in party bags (every man is really a big kid at heart)

it would be nice to mark a big birthday even if there is nothing that he 'wants'

missbiggles1

double_mummy wrote: »

how about something a bit left of field

do a big box for him to open with a jar of 40 memories from your relationship in, 40 of his fave sweets, 40 reasons you love him, 40 home made coupons - either for things like rubbing his feet or making his fave dinner or naughty ones, a good old fashioned mix tape (or CD or ipod playlist) of 40 songs that mean something to you as a couple, 40 balloons, a collage of 40 images of him, a 40 word poem you write for him, 40 kids toys - like the ones you get in party bags (every man is really a big kid at heart)

it would be nice to mark a big birthday even if there is nothing that he 'wants'

That sounds like a lot of work - it makes me exhausted just thinking about it. I would hate it if my husband did something like that rather than taking me out for a good meal. Sorry.

Anatidaephobia

I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it.

I don't like mind games or messing about; people should be honest. Especially when someone asks what you want, if you did feel awkward about saying something you can just say "I don't know", you don't HAVE to say this. If you do say you don't want anything then you have no right to get upset if someone takes you for your word.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Oh god. I had an ex like that - 'don't get me anything, spend it on the kids'.

He didnt get me anything. But sulked for all of Christmas Day and most of the next year because I hadn't got him anything. His argument was that he was skint (yes, because he spent all his dole on booze and fags within three days of cashing it - buying a card and present before the money ran out was far too complex an issue to comprehend), whereas I had money. Despite seeing me slowly buying presents over months.

I'd have something very silly - like a pipecleaner spider with googly eyes - wrapped for him, just in case. But no, nothing else.

But then again, I did sit and wrap Brussels Sprouts for the OH on our first Christmas together. He appreciated the humour of the gesture.

bagpussbear

Given it's his 40th, I still think I'd buy/arrange something regardless.

enjoyyourshoes

Might be worth getting the rationale behind why he says he doesn't want anything:-


1. Debt
2.40 !
3.etc


But unless a conversation happens you will never know