when you say you don't want anything, do you mean it?

74jax

OHs 40th soon, he said he doesn't want anything, so I'm just wondering if any of you have said this and if you mean it?

It seems so strange to me not getting him something for his 40th. We usually do 'something' rather buy material things but either way he said he's ok.

It seems daft me buying him something just to make me feel better about it, so wondering if you do really mean it when you say it.

We're really quite spoilt in what we have done and where we have been so finding something new is proving tricky.

I've suggest a joint holiday, me paying for him to go away abroad for a coaching holiday (for his hobby), weekend away, New items for his hobby etc but he honestly doesn't need anything. Me, I had a list for my 40th :rotfl:

I guess I just feel bad not getting him anything, even though that is what he wants.

Would you all really not mind if it was your birthday and you didn't get anything?

gettingtheresometime

I've learnt that if I say I don't want anything then that's what I will get off my OH.

Now if I said I wanted X but didn't get it (unless it was for obvious reasons!) then yes I would mind

meritaten

ah - if I say this I usually mean I don't want anything in particular - flowers and/or my favourite chocolates would be welcome.
in fact, as long as they remember and wish me 'Happy birthday' that's ok.

Georgiegirl256

If I say that I don't want something, then I mean it. People who go ahead and buy something anyhow are doing it to make themselves feel good rather than the recipient.

mickey54

If I say no..then that's what I mean. If I wanted something, then I would say. Buy him a nice card!

74jax

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

If I say that I don't want something, then I mean it. People who go ahead and buy something anyhow are doing it to make themselves feel good rather than the recipient.

That's it totally it!

I feel bad for not getting him anything, but I've offered so many suggestions and he's just said no it's ok. And that he has nothing he wants.

He spoilt me for my 40th, and I want to do the same back, but as you say it's for the wrong reasons.

I feel weird he wants nothing. I think it's because we do so much normally, there isn't really anything he 'wants' to do specifically for his birthday.

He also said we did a lot of what he would have suggested for mine only five months ago.

bylromarha

If it was a man saying it, they likely mean it.

If it was a woman saying it, they likely don't mean it.

ie - I said to my hubby last birthday "don't do anything special" so I got nothing arranged for me and a bunch of flowers. I was not impressed - I ended up arranging my own meal out last minute and the only people who were available to join us are hard work at times. I made him sit next to them, while I chatted with the kids. He had a terrible evening - and realises now that "nothing special" means "get something arranged, just doesn't need to be overboard"

Maybe a gift card for something like Red Letter Days so he can buy what he wants through the year? Dull, but better than nothing.

marisco_2

How about doing something nice together. Either for a day or a weekend break away somewhere. I'd much rather that someone spent their time with me than bought me a gift.

Georgiegirl256

bylromarha wrote: »

If it was a man saying it, they likely mean it.

If it was a woman saying it, they likely don't mean it.

ie - I said to my hubby last birthday "don't do anything special" so I got nothing arranged for me and a bunch of flowers. I was not impressed - I ended up arranging my own meal out last minute and the only people who were available to join us are hard work at times. I made him sit next to them, while I chatted with the kids. He had a terrible evening - and realises now that "nothing special" means "get something arranged, just doesn't need to be overboard"

Maybe a gift card for something like Red Letter Days so he can buy what he wants through the year? Dull, but better than nothing.

Bit sexist isn't it? ^^^

I can say for certain as a women, that if I say something like I don't want something, then I mean it, and so would the fast majority of women.

If you say something but mean different, then it's your (not you personally, but in general) own stupid fault, and you should say what you mean. Which means if you want something or want to do something then say so in the first place. I can't be doing with folk who !!!!!foot around and then act all hurt and passive aggressive later on.

I I know where the OP is coming from though. People feel that because it's a big birthday that something big should be done to celebrate. I guess she'll be able to tell if he really means it, and some people just don't like a lot of fuss I guess and that needs to be respected.

74jax

marisco wrote: »

How about doing something nice together. Either for a day or a weekend break away somewhere. I'd much rather that someone spent their time with me than bought me a gift.

That is what we tend to do. We don't really do material things but he doesn't want a holiday, either with or without me I've offered both, or a weekend away.

74jax

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I I know where the OP is coming from though. People feel that because it's a big birthday that something big should be done to celebrate. I guess she'll be able to tell if he really means it, and some people just don't like a lot of fuss I guess and that needs to be respected.

Yeah he means it. Not in any bad way, just he doesn't want anything.

We always do something 'special' been to Rome, Paris, helicopter trip, posh restaurant, money isn't the problem, it's just he really doesn't want anything.

I really just wondered if people meant it when they said that.