I didn't know marriage was supposed to be like this....

3plus1

Poor you. I think you should consider taking that holiday soon, you know - you don't necessarily need to take your husband with you, and if he's the one causing you to feel unhappy at the moment, perhaps the time apart would be better anyway. If booking time off work is problematic, maybe a weekend minibreak with a friend? Or even by yourself might be quite nice.

You say you're tired and running out of energy. Apart from a little holiday, what would make you feel better? What exactly is it that you want your husband to do? Men have a tendency to be oblivious to hints, and need us to be quite blunt. Maybe you should have a think about specific things he could do to take the pressure off you, and then discuss these ideas with him.

PS Inlaws are the devil. I completely sympathise with you.

misty

If he does do his PGCE and is a full-time student he won't need to pay council tax. As you are working you would get the 25% discount - same as the single persons amount. He would need to get a form from the college admin - stamped and with his course details on then send it in to your council office.

moozikgal

Sounds like you need a hug and a good cup of tea!

If you find out which PGCE course he is taking with the college they will be able to let you know about the grants, bursarys and other loans etc which are available. Depending on what he is specialising in, be it primary, secondary or a specialised subject there are varing levels of money out there to be claimed.

The claim date to get money before the start of the course in october has passed, but they will still take claims now, you just have to get them after the october start. It might bit less of a worry knowing there is some money coming in while he is studying.

Almost everyone has to do temping at some point, its a good way to get back into employment and look for something else. He doenst need to worry tho if he is studying.

I would suggest sitting down with him and just letting him know how you feel, put some figures down on paper and see if you can work out a soloution to the problem. If he can see on paper that he is living beyond his means and if he carrys on like it, in 5 years time the situation could be X, it might make him realise that something needs to be done.

My ex was a lot like this. Took him a long while to want to actually take the challenge of going out to work! When he did that, i left him!!! It was just to late at the end of the day and i had had enough!

jo1972

Oh Tiara, I just wanna give you a big hug! I so know how you are feeling and so glad that me and my DH came out the other side unscathed, unfortunately whatever you decide to do is going to be difficult. You put up and shut up and you will continue this resentment or you find the courage to speak to him without knowing the outcome. At the end of the day it's just whatever you are happy to live with.

Do you have parents you can speak with?

Errata

The only thing I can offer is what my gran told me when I got married a very long time ago " Marriage is what you make it, so make it what you want it to be". Ma's advice was a little more succinct "It takes two to tango".

Katie~baby

Oh you poor thing! Marraige is meant to be about working together and dealing with things as a couple. You do need to sit him down and explain to him that his actions are not acceptable and things need to change and you need to do this sooner rather than later!

Failing that put your high heels on and give him a good kick up the backside

tiara

Thanks guys for all your kind words. As I said in the title.... I really didn't know marriage was supposed to be like this, one person gives and the other person takes.

My parents completely understand, but they also come from a culturally strong background whereby you stick with your marriage through thick and thin.... I am worried that one day I am well and truly going to burn out, and then what?

Yes, I agree with you 3plus1, inlaws are the devil. My inlaws go round telling everyone that their son is working and giving the impression that he's putting in 50%+ into both the finances and the house renovations..... When me and my OH know that's not true, but that's life, I guess. Both his mother and father would rather turn a blind eye to the fact that their daughter-in-law is working herself into an early grave.... Just as long as their son's ok.

fruityslh

Tiara,

You need to sit down and tell him how you feel, seems you've been as supportive as you can possibly be, but there is a fine line between being supportive and being a mug. I'm afraid a few harsh words are needed and fully expalin that you are tired with the current situation and you both need to go forward and decide how to change.

Communication is the only way forward, there are 2 of you in the relationship and both of you need to discuss how you can both be happy, because you are clearly not.

moozikgal

I have recently got married, only in June this year, but my friend whos single sent me this, made me giggle

Once upon a time a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said,
"No!"

And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, camping,
drank whole bottles of wine, always had a clean house, never had to cook,
did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, travelled
more, had many lovers, didn't save money, and had all the hot water to
herself. She went to the theatre, never watched sports, never wore
lacy lingerie that went up her bum, had high self esteem, never cried or
yelled and felt and looked fabulous all the time.

jo1972

:rotfl: I think I'm gonna look into getting a divorce if I've got these to look forward to....

moozikgal wrote: »

never watched sports, never wore
lacy lingerie that went up her bum