how do you argue?

Errata

j.e.j. wrote: »

:rotfl:



Fwiw I can't stand sulkers, either. Walking away to let things calm down, yes, but giving the other person the silent treatment in the hope that that person will give in and let them have their own way? Nah, I just laugh at them. I could not live with a sulker.

Sulking is nothing more complicated than pure passive aggression. Can't be doing with gutless people.

anotheruser

1) Never let the sun go down on an argument.

2) Never leave without resolving the argument. Imagine if he left for a while to "clear the air", then got ran over - how awful that the last thing you may have said to him wasn't nice.

3) Never bring up old arguments.
Those were sorted and should stay in the past.

Gloomendoom

My ex-wife had an odd habit of opening the windows before she started an argument. It was as if she wanted the neighbours to share.

Georgiegirl256

j.e.j. wrote: »

:rotfl:

Well you seen to have decided that it's Georgiegirl who was being unreasonable, despite not knowing either of them or even what the row was about.

Fwiw I can't stand sulkers, either. Walking away to let things calm down, yes, but giving the other person the silent treatment in the hope that that person will give in and let them have their own way? Nah, I just laugh at them. I could not live with a sulker.

Errata wrote: »

Sulking is nothing more complicated than pure passive aggression. Can't be doing with gutless people.

I think these two statements totally hit the nail on the head. Giving someone the silent sulky treatment is totally being passive aggressive. By not talking things through, the sulker is basically hoping by giving the silent treatment that the other person will back down, and therefore the problem never gets talked about and thus never gets sorted.

Errata

Why do some toddlers and little kids sulk? They do it to punish. Sulking grownups are no different.

Jacko_amz

me and my partner ended things this morning, i am devastated.

When_the_going_gets_tough

I'm sorry jacko. Its hard when relationships dont work out even if you know they are going nowhere.

FBaby

I'm sorry Jacko. How was the decision reached? Sometimes the pressure of constant arguments are too much and you reach a point where you can't imagine the relationship without them so think there is no choice but to go separate ways.

Sometimes a separation is time to reflect on how to communicate better, whether going back to the person loved, or starting a new relationship. Either way, I do hope things will be ok for you.

maman

I think it's possible that the 'posh' comment might hold a key in this somewhere.


Might your OH be feeling insecure and inadequate? He can't match you with intellectual argument so he's using goading, verbal abuse and even violence to get the upper hand.


I had some experience of this and I chose to walk away. My now DH and I are equal partners and we rarely, if ever, have any arguments. When we disagree we just talk things through like civilised adults.