Help husbands left me and 3 kids no money

Spendless

What has she been living on since her husband walked out if she hasn't claimed any benefits and wasn't able to make a go of her business? Has he changed jobs since they split or was she in the dark about his earnings when they were together, as that's a big jump to think he is earning around £35k due to an on-line ad whilst being told he earns £18k.

kingfisherblue

superflygal wrote: »

His payments have been sporadic. A lot of b$$$$$t and "i have no money" statements whilst simultaneously enjoying luxury holidays with new woman. I just want her to be looked after. She works really hard looking after the 3 kids. Why should this scumbag live the life of riley while she slaves away trying go make ends meet. Its a sure sign of a sexist society if the man gets to please himself whilst the wronged wife suffers after being nothing but a brilliant, faithful and loyal wife.

sfg x

I don't know how to multiquote, but in the OP, you say that he has paid £360 a month of his own accord since October - nothing about it being sporadic.


FWIW, I consider myself to have been a loyal, loving and faithful wife to my (now ex) husband. He still left me and our three children. I am on benefits, as my son is severely disabled and needs constant care. My ex may have a life free of the children (although he does see one weekly and he also has another child with his new partner). However, he is the one who has lost out. I have had the joys as well as the work of bringing three children up. I have their love and respect, and a great relationship with all three. My daughter refused to see her dad for six months at one spell, after he let her down over something major. Their relationship was patched up, but has never been the same since. Our younger son has seen his dad maybe four times this year. He would rather spend time doing work experience (unpaid) for a friend's dad, than see his own dad. He has little respect for him after being let down time and again. Our other son sees his dad every week, but doesn't understand being let down - he just accepts it. This is due to his learning disability.


So, although she may now have the difficult job of bringing three children on her own, she will also see them every day instead of once a week. As a mother, being with my children, helping them to develop into adults, enjoying their company - my ex has missed out on this for over ten years.

Beckyy

superflygal wrote: »

She has not claimed any benefits and has no desire to. Shd is still married to this man hence my question as to his legal obligations as husband

sfg x

She should be claiming what she is entitled to though, has she done a benefit check?

Many jobs are advertised with much higher wages, that's not too say he was telling the truth or lying but I wouldn't assume he is earning what the advert stated. Did they not have any joint finances etc. from when they were together that she knew his exact salary from?

They may be married, but not for too much longer and he isn't responsible for your friend I'm afraid.

barba

superflygal wrote: »

a sure sign of a sexist society if the man gets to please himself whilst the wronged wife suffers after being nothing but a brilliant, faithful and loyal wife.

Wow nothing like tarring a whole gender with the same brush. Believe it or not men can be wronged to.

seven-day-weekend

The children have two parents and each should contribute a fair share, imho. I don't see why he should have to pay spousal maintenance.

I also don't think you can know how much he earns just from looking on a website.

I think her 'fledgling business' is a luxury she can't afford at the moment and that she should look for a job. She can probably claim childcare expenses.

peachyprice

superflygal wrote: »

She has not claimed any benefits and has no desire to. Shd is still married to this man hence my question as to his legal obligations as husband

sfg x

Well she's just going to have to put her pride to one side and claim the benefits she's entitled to, for the sake of her children. There's no use saying 'I have no desire to claim benefits' then complainibg about not being able to feed and clothe her children.

He's paying more that the CSA amount and at this stage she won't be entitled to spousal maintenance, and it's unlikely she ever will.

Seanymph

There you go - she doesn't want to claim benefits, she wants to punish him for leaving.

The poor three kids she's so devoted to.

If she was that devoted then her priority should be to impact on them as little as possible by moderating her bitterness.

The new g/f's salary shouldn't, and indeed doesn't, count at all.

He is paying her regularly - perhaps she'd like to think about what will happen when that stops too...

She can't indulge herself in a non paying business. She needs to claim what she is entitled to, and do something that brings in income.

wiltsguy_2

he is paying nearly £90pm over what the CSA advise, sounds fair, but also sounds like she is envious of her ex and his new GF. I cant understand why she doesnt claim what she is entitled too? seems mad, even if she doesnt want it, claim it and use it for a holiday for her children!

pleasedelete

wiltsguy wrote: »

he is paying nearly £90pm over what the CSA advise, sounds fair, but also sounds like she is envious of her ex and his new GF. I cant understand why she doesnt claim what she is entitled too? seems mad, even if she doesnt want it, claim it and use it for a holiday for her children!

Possibly as if she is claiming to be self employed through a small business this is being looked at as an area of possible benefit manipulation. She will need to prove that she is working the required number of hours and the expectation would be that they would generate the NMW. Otherwise she will be expected to get a job at some point (or register as unemployed)

Marisco

superflygal wrote: »

I am sure she will get a job once the baby is old enough. She has not claimed any benefits and has no desire to. Shd is still married to this man hence my question as to his legal obligations as husband

sfg x

He has no obligations to her, he only has obligations to the kids, and from what you say, he's paying maintenance. I very much doubt she'll get spousal maintenance, and why should she? Is he supposed to pay for her for evermore? So long as he does right by the kids, then that is all that matters, she is an adult and can get on with it.