Bad Neighbor - ME!!!

Pixie5740

Toxicity wrote: »

I was referring to a comment that I cannot seem to find now (removed or I am not looking hard enough) that stated he could warn his neighbour in advance so she could try and find somewhere else to go for the night.

You can't find it because nobody suggested that the neighbour find somewhere else to sleep.

societys_child

nobody suggested that the neighbour find somewhere else to sleep

Oh yes they did . . .;)

so they have the chance to see if they can go and get a proper night sleep elsewhere,

(post #40)

lxpeanut

Toxicity wrote: »

Living in a house with thin walls is awful, it requires everyone to understand and respect the situation and each other enough to make it work or it will become a living hell for everyone involved.

It does require people to have some respect it also requires a little tolerance. Yes you shouldn't have a party with banging music until it 3 or 4am but a social gathering once in a while isnt a lot to ask. If you live next to a family with kids you will be suffering their noise all the time. Of course so many neighborly deputes would be avoided if we introduced a minimum sound proofing rule when houses were built or renovated.

Soundgirlrocks

I feel compelled to comment as a) Im a sound engineer - so some understanding of how sound travels and works, b) been on the receiving end of anti social neighbours c) Someone who works and keeps later hours than "normal"

Common sense is key, OP is completely entitled to have friends over, provided they aren't screaming/ shouting the odds/ blasting out music at 1am then noise control won't come into effect. It seems that some people on here expect absolute silence between 11pm and 7am, this isn't reasonable (and using the logic applied by some on here buy a detached property if you want that.) You can't control all external noise, e.g. cars, police sirens, people walking past the house a night, foxes mating, seagulls screaming etc neither can you expect neighbours never to entertain past a time you deem acceptable.

HOWEVER

If you know the room you are in backs onto their bed room then I suggest moving to a different room after 11 and be considerate.

nicegirl

Noise when I am trying to sleep really bothers me, but it bothers me less if I've known about it advance and it doesn't happen too often. I do think that within reason, you can be forgiven for occasionally having a few friends round.

I think it's just polite to give your neighbours a heads up if you know you'll be noisy. It might still keep them awake but they'll be feeling a hell of a lot more kindly towards you.

In our last place we threw what we knew would be a loud noisy party and we told all relevant neighbours in advance. It worked well, but it did mean that the upstairs neighbour then complained each time we ever had more than four people in the flat because we hadn't warned her about our 'party'. This was some ago though and these days it's a miracle if we're still awake at midnight.

lizards

A lot of the irritation from noise from neighbours for me is psychological. In other words, I can sleep through a bin lorry, seagulls fighting on the roof, a thunderstorm. But I can't sleep through people playing music or raucously laughing, because these are things that people have some control over.

However if they'd warned me, and it was clear it wasn't excessive (nor a very regular thing) the irritation magically goes away. I can sleep through it and I don't feel so upset.

The thing that seems to make it an issue for me and stop me sleeping/make me upset etc and I suspect for most people too is the lack of consideration rather than the actual noise itself, if that makes sense.

After all, I can fall asleep in front my own TV with the volume reasonably loud, and that's much louder than raucous partying a brick wall away. It's the thoughtlessness and selfishness that keeps me awake. Which is probably why people who aren't bothered by such things themselves never understand why it is a problem for others.

For what it's worth, we now pay the detached premium mainly because I find inconsiderate noise too much to handle. Not everyone is lucky enough to be able to afford detached, and nor were we until recently.

Viberduo

Having had issues with noise with neighbours I will put in my say, at my last flat had a neighbour who had family round visting a lot, such as his deaf in one ear cousin who drank a lot and got louder meaning it got to a point when it was past 1am often 2 or 3am he went home meaning I couldndt sleep through it, and things like Easter and Christmas meant a 24 hour party from them and his niece was a young woman who always wore high heels, got drunk and giggled and danced(she was in her 30s so not young), then the kid visitors would stomp about running for hours.

I did call the police on them a few times and was politely told he had been there 15 years and never had a noise complaint(so since I wasnt there long and directly below they knew it was me) they basically said that since I was first to complain it was in my head, but whenever I had guests round who were quiet they couldnt sleep through the noise either, if the drunk cousin left at 2am he would come back round between 7-10am and noise would start back up.

My current flat is bliss compared to my last one but my upstairs neighbour has dogs that bark when lonely at the slightest noise, so can go days at a time with only a few barks a day then have 1 day or so a week when you cant even move in your chair for them barking then not stopping for over a hour as well as someone who doesnt even live in block who brings their dog across which is so loud you can hear it down the street!(put it this way, if my upstairs neighbours dogs are in kitchen with doors closed and barking and I was in bedroom you wouldnt hear them, this dog you can hear it in every room in house and down the street) and after many complaints which were ignored I reported them to council and got abuse back saying they were the victims and I was making stuff up then trying to make me feel guilty claiming they always cut grass(they cut it once in the year since I lived here and that was half the garden with a industrial mower they borrowed from work that took 5 minutes)

I agree with above, I can sleep through bin lorries, roadworks(for the most part unless right outside my window) I can even live with hearing neighbours kids playing in garden or living next to school and hearing kids at lunchtime, they even knocked down some flats next to me about 6 months ago and it didnt bother me(at least noise wise, I was annoyed they never told tenants they were starting 7am every day for a week)

My experience is the people who complain about a one off noise are the ones that have no problems with their own excessive noise, I once had a neighbour that I tip toed around in flat never wearing shoes, went to bed midnight many nights 2am once or twice and had my neighbour hammer my door most nights claiming I was having all night parties despite me at the time owning a old mono tv that maxed out I could barely hear in the next room and a few times was away for weekend or once went away for a week and was accused of keeping him awake every night the same week I wasnt even in flat! or all weekend when I was away for the weekend!

Everywhere I have lived for the past 10 years bar one(the guy who complained about everything but I found out he complained about every tenant since he moved in 3 years before and the 2 years after I moved out he complained about every tenant despite no one else in block hearing anything) Have had people say its a shame to have me leave as I am quiet and keep myself to myself, even many times had people knock on door as they havent seen or heard for me in like 2 weeks so thought I moved our or was ill! I keep myself quiet unless I know theres thick walls even then I keep it low as I can within reason(at most if I get bored like midnight will put on a few songs but I dont like it so loud it thumps your head but more like tv volume) And as I say I cannot hear any of my neighbours actions because of thickness of walls here anyway.

The point I am meaning is that a one off noise can be more irritatiing short term because its unexpected, and nothing in the larger picture, if it happens more than once its not a one off but I still think reasonable to make some allowances, if I am having a bad day and I hear neighbours having a one off party I may get really angry and bite my lip unless I hear people so drunk they are crashing about, dropping stuff, putting music on loud, if it was just loud everyday talking with little laughter and no music its not too bad unless one or two people get worked up so their voices rise, at a constant level its tolerable and sleep through.

I think the OP is ok in what they did, it may not be a good thing even as a one off but its not enough to assume they are just intolerant of others, just because their neighbour may make noise during the day(no matter how loud) doesnt mean their neighbour is perfectly entitled to make the noise(legally maybe, morally no)

Joyful

Many years ago I moved into a house 2 weeks after the person moved into the one above me. She advised that she had her bedroom tv on at a peep and the original owner of my house complained to her.

We decided to visit each others homes while we had music playing at a normal volume and were each shocked at how loud it appeared to be from each home. We knew then there was a sound proofing problem. After checking what was available we decided the easiest thing to do was lower our ceilings and add insulation. Upstairs paid 50% and we then had complete silence as well as kept the heat in our house.

It may be that you need to do the same on your walls but you must talk about the problem with your neighbour in the first instance.

gfplux

Joyful, what an excellent solution. Common sense prevailing.

es123

Hi all,

Firstly, I didn't expect so much of a response!! So thank you to those who were being helpful and not questioning the way I have been raised, among other things!

Time for an update!

My wife went round yesterday (it was her earliest opportunity), with a box of chocolates and to talk about it.
The neighbor was really surprised that she was coming over to talk and that she was offering her a gift as an apology of sort. She was actually quite embarrassed and explained it wasn't her intention to make us feel bad.

She commented that she hasn't hear a peep for months out of us and agreed we rarely have lots of people over. She explained that she can never hear our music or TV (which is odd as I have some pretty loud speakers) but said that on the night in question she could just hear loud voices.

She said (without a prompt from us) that its an odd situation as she can't expect us to tip toe around for her and we are free to do as we want within our own home within reason.

Ultimately, she said it was just 'one of those things' and we said we would offer her future warnings if we were going to have anyone round.

We offered our mobile numbers so that she could text or call if she had any problems to prevent her walking outside in the cold/dark....she said it wasn't needed.

Eventually she took the chocolates...I think she was rather embarrassed.

I think the situation is sorted for now....but we'll have to wait and see.

Cheers!