Bad Neighbor - ME!!!

es123

Hi guys,

I have used this wonderful forum a lot in the past when it came to mortgages and house buying decisions. The good news is that we moved in 6 months ago. The process of buying for the first time was reasonably smooth and things moved at a timely pace.
We have managed to decorate and get the hang of things – running a house, the local area etc.

I have one slight issue. It’s my neighbor. She seems reasonably friendly but doesn’t seem to have a great reputation among some of the other neighbors.
We have realised that the walls between the two houses are VERY thin. You can hear everything in terms of hovering, phones ringing…when her daughter is there (only every other weekend) you can hear her screaming and running around. We haven’t really complained or said anything. My view is that the noise isn’t untoward, deliberate or malicious. Also it’s not really anyone’s fault that the wall is thin.
A problem arose this weekend. I had a few family members over. We had a few drinks however there was no music or TV on etc. It was just a group of us chatting/laughing etc. At around 1.30am she started knocking on the walls, and by 2 she has come round to complain rather angrily reminding me of the time.

I’m not sure how to tackle this. I can’t stop having my family over and I want to be able to do what I want within my own home. At the same time I don’t want to fall out with anyone. She doesn't seem to be the ‘reasonable’ type. I don’t want her to knock on the door each and every time she hears noise on a Saturday night.
The last time she knocked was when we first moved in and there was no furniture or carpet etc. A friend was painting the living room and at 9pm she said there was too much noise. That time I apologised and put it down to the lack of furniture.

Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this. Like a said, I’m new the world of the home owning and so I’m not sure how to tackle this. I don’t want to lose my temper with her or anyone else, but I want to live in my home as I please.

Any words of wisdom would be amazing! Thanks all!

pmlindyloo

es123 wrote: »

Hi guys,

I have used this wonderful forum a lot in the past when it came to mortgages and house buying decisions. The good news is that we moved in 6 months ago. The process of buying for the first time was reasonably smooth and things moved at a timely pace.
We have managed to decorate and get the hang of things – running a house, the local area etc.

I have one slight issue. It’s my neighbor. She seems reasonably friendly but doesn’t seem to have a great reputation among some of the other neighbors.
We have realised that the walls between the two houses are VERY thin. You can hear everything in terms of hovering, phones ringing…when her daughter is there (only every other weekend) you can hear her screaming and running around. We haven’t really complained or said anything. My view is that the noise isn’t untoward, deliberate or malicious. Also it’s not really anyone’s fault that the wall is thin.
A problem arose this weekend. I had a few family members over. We had a few drinks however there was no music or TV on etc. It was just a group of us chatting/laughing etc. At around 1.30am she started knocking on the walls, and by 2 she has come round to complain rather angrily reminding me of the time.

I’m not sure how to tackle this. I can’t stop having my family over and I want to be able to do what I want within my own home. At the same time I don’t want to fall out with anyone. She doesn't seem to be the ‘reasonable’ type. I don’t want her to knock on the door each and every time she hears noise on a Saturday night.
The last time she knocked was when we first moved in and there was no furniture or carpet etc. A friend was painting the living room and at 9pm she said there was too much noise. That time I apologised and put it down to the lack of furniture.

Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this. Like a said, I’m new the world of the home owning and so I’m not sure how to tackle this. I don’t want to lose my temper with her or anyone else, but I want to live in my home as I please.

Any words of wisdom would be amazing! Thanks all!

Without being rude I would be cheesed off at 1.30am unless it was a one off (and then I would notify my neighbour)

You know that noise carries in your houses so please have a little common sense.

Midnight is the accepted time to stop any loud noise - a group of family and friends can make a lot of noise even without music and/or TV.

You are going to have to live with your neighbours so please be reasonable. You do not want to escalate this -trust me. Just apologise and agree a time to say 'goodnight' to your friends.

fairy_lights

When you say 'a few' family members, exactly how many of you were there? There's a big difference in terms of noise between three people and ten for instance.
What might have seemed like a quiet conversation to you might in reality have been quite raucous, if you'd all had a few drinks.

es123

pmlindyloo wrote: »

Without being rude I would be cheesed off at 1.30am unless it was a one off (and then I would notify my neighbour)

You know that noise carries in your houses so please have a little common sense.

Midnight is the accepted time to stop any loud noise - a group of family and friends can make a lot of noise even without music and/or TV.

You are going to have to live with your neighbours so please be reasonable. You do not want to escalate this -trust me. Just apologise and agree a time to say 'goodnight' to your friends.

Thank you for your reply. I see where you are coming from and I suppose I'm a bit too laid back when it comes to things like this.
My worry is that this is going to continue....what if my wife and I decide to have a baby...is she going to knock on the door when it cries at night?

I totally agree that I need to live with them and will consider their needs.

Can I just ask - you mentioned that I don't want this to escalate - what do you mean by that? Is there something specific I need to be aware of?

es123

fairy_lights wrote: »

When you say 'a few' family members, exactly how many of you were there? There's a big difference in terms of noise between three people and ten for instance.
What might have seemed like a quiet conversation to you might in reality have been quite raucous, if you'd all had a few drinks.

Hi,

There were 7 of us in total at that time. all in my living room. Nobody was outside or anywhere else in the room.

Thanks!

societys_child

when her daughter is there (only every other weekend) you can hear her screaming and running around

Is the daughter running around and screaming at 2 0'clock in the morning?

djedga

pmlindyloo wrote: »

Without being rude I would be cheesed off at 1.30am unless it was a one off (and then I would notify my neighbour)

You know that noise carries in your houses so please have a little common sense.

Midnight is the accepted time to stop any loud noise - a group of family and friends can make a lot of noise even without music and/or TV.

You are going to have to live with your neighbours so please be reasonable. You do not want to escalate this -trust me. Just apologise and agree a time to say 'goodnight' to your friends.

^

This.

Apologize for the other night and let them know you didn't intend to keep them awake. Maybe say you didn't realize the sound traveled quite so much and you'll bear it in mind in future.

If you do know you're going to have a late one (which I know can happen unexpectedly) then give them some warning on the day so it's not too much of a surprise - be amicable and let them know they can approach you if they are cheesed off with the noise.

This would (hopefully) mean you would find her in a more friendly disposition rather than ranting / banging on walls if you are keeping her awake!

If you have guests just be aware of the time and kick them out or wind the noise down a little later in the evening... Imagine how you would feel if you were trying to sleep!

If she's still unreasonable then beyond that there's not a lot you can do about it I suppose...

es123

societys_child wrote: »

Is the daughter running around and screaming at 2 0'clock in the morning?

Ah, I see what you mean.

However there's plenty of running and screaming up until around 10.30pm. A lot later than when she moaned about the painters radio being on.

silvercar

Apologise in advance for late parties and give an expected finishing time.

kathrynha

As a person who's neighbours think entertaining all night regularly is acceptable, I can assure you that it isn't.


After 11 o'clock at night I would say it is unacceptable.


Our walls aren't that thin (rarely heard previous neighbours) but noise travels more at night when one house is silent. In the daytime you will cancel out each others sound more. What would be acceptable noise in the middle of the day isn't acceptable in the middle of the night.

barryjarcher

MMM this is ticky one.

I've had similar where walls were thin and you could hear phones ringing from next door etc but it was understood by us and them so other than a comment of "Oh have a few friends round last night" nothing was really raised.

Maybe need to just discuss with that you too can hear her - maybe she doesn't realise you can hear her at times. But you also need to acknowlege that people dont realise how loud thay can be especailly in the the dead of night so next time you have people round and it starts to get late just try not to let noise levels raise out of control (we all have that really loud laugher in the family/circle of freinds).

You're right that the only fault here lies with the builder who never built enough insulation in the dividing wall.

I hope an agreement can be found.