Bad Neighbor - ME!!!

Shelldean

Duchy,

If you're replying to me, the previous tenants had four boys so hardly a quiet household!!! Youngest was about 3 when we moved in eldest 10. Lol the police raids when the boys were older, did disturb us tho
Current occupants is a man, his two daughters 11 &12 and his mother. So in theory the second household should be the quieter? But is the loudest by considerably more.

A lot of it is pure inconsiderate acts, that were mentioned in mediation. But they persist in doing them, and the HA class them as household noise, so won't act although neighbour has been warned.

The other side to us has an older couple who I know for a fact would complain if we was too noisy as they did complain before we'd even moved in. Funny enough was like the op and a complaint over the radio being played while we decorated before moving in. We also assumed it was due to an empty room echoing.
The couple daughter visits daily with her three young children all under 8, yet again we hear nothing.

I sympathise with op as like them we endure low level but constant noise from the neighbours on a daily basis. With some loud noise on other occasions.
Yet the one time we even slightly make a noise, we're considered to be bad neighbours told rudely to shut up and accused of disrespecting next door.

Fen1

Put in soundproofing? The thinness of the wall is an issue and will continue to be. A bit of financial investment now will save a lot of neighbour hassle in the short, medium and long term.

duchy

I was thinking more about the OP and wondering what sort of household the previous owners were .

Shelldean

duchy wrote: »

I was thinking more about the OP and wondering what sort of household the previous owners were .

Ah ok sorry I wasn't sure x

martin1959

If your neighbour is concerned now, wait until you get the hot tub delivered, plant the pampas grass in the front garden, and the headboards banging against the party wall....

Toxicity

Comparing a social gathering, where you can control how many people you allow into your house, how long for and how much noise is made to the noises a child makes, like crying - which most the time really cannot be controlled, despite parents best efforts, is silly.

You'd be surprised at how much noise a group of adults can make talking and laughing, especially when alcohol is flowing and walls are thin.

I am an easy going person, I hate confrontation and will avoid it at all costs but I have been on the other end of this numerous times, had my daughter woken up numerous times and a one off or not, I would have been knocking on your door way before 2am. It is disrespectful and drives me insane.

And the people telling OP to warn his neighbour so she has chance to find somewhere else to sleep next time, WHAAAT? why should she have to leave her house so she can sleep, why doesn't OP take his party somewhere else? or buy a detached house so he can make all the noise he likes without keeping some poor woman (and maybe her child) awake all night.

Ridiculous.

DRP

Toxicity wrote: »

Comparing a social gathering, where you can control how many people you allow into your house, how long for and how much noise is made to the noises a child makes, like crying - which most the time really cannot be controlled, despite parents best efforts, is silly.

You'd be surprised at how much noise a group of adults can make talking and laughing, especially when alcohol is flowing and walls are thin.

I am an easy going person, I hate confrontation and will avoid it at all costs but I have been on the other end of this numerous times, had my daughter woken up numerous times and a one off or not, I would have been knocking on your door way before 2am. It is disrespectful and drives me insane.

And the people telling OP to warn his neighbour so she has chance to find somewhere else to sleep next time, WHAAAT? why should she have to leave her house so she can sleep, why doesn't OP take his party somewhere else? or buy a detached house so he can make all the noise he likes without keeping some poor woman (and maybe her child) awake all night.

Ridiculous.

i'd say it is acceptable to have occasional late / noisy nights - warning the neighbour is the polite thing to do.

My terrace neighbour's son recently had a 21st birthday. They were considerate enough to let us know in advance, and of course we didn't mind a bit. Obviously there was no requirement to find somewhere else to sleep!

aileth

Toxicity wrote: »

And the people telling OP to warn his neighbour so she has chance to find somewhere else to sleep next time, WHAAAT? why should she have to leave her house so she can sleep, why doesn't OP take his party somewhere else? or buy a detached house so he can make all the noise he likes without keeping some poor woman (and maybe her child) awake all night.

Ridiculous.

No, it's not ridiculous. It's called being polite. Part of compromise is that once in a blue moon, for whatever reason, somebody might want to have a party at their house. We do it once a year with a Eurovision party, and we say to the neighbours (we also invite them around), hey, we are having some friends around, please let us know if we are being too loud, but we will try our best. The neighbour thanks us, and there's a good air. We are still very careful, and she hasn't yet come around.

You don't warn people specifically so they can find somewhere else to sleep at all; you warn people so they know the extra noise is due to a specific planned event and not you being totally anti-social.

If our now neighbours warned us that they were going to have, say, an 18th birthday party, we would give them a bottle of wine to celebrate, then we would make sure our TV is louder than usual, and when we went to bed, we would put our ear plugs in and let them get on with it, as in the two years or so they've lived here they've never done it before.

Equally, taking two weeks as an example, if we were due to visit the parents on week one, and next door warned us of their 18th party on week two, we'd probably rejig so we would go on week two instead. If they didn't warn us, then we'd be away the quiet weekend and in on the noisy one.

Warning people of events doesn't give you carte blanche to make as much noise as you want, whenever you want, however, but for the very rare occasion, it is simply polite and most neighbours will be more than happy.

Toxicity

I didn't say warning a neighbour of noise beforehand was ridiculous, if you HAVE to have a party at your house and annoy your neighbours then a warning beforehand and an apology after seems the least that can be done.

I was referring to a comment that I cannot seem to find now (removed or I am not looking hard enough) that stated he could warn his neighbour in advance so she could try and find somewhere else to go for the night. If all she wants to do is get a good nights sleep in HER home, why should she have to leave so OP can make a load of noise all night? Should be the other way around.

I'm sorry if my post came across as rude, but I am speaking as someone who has had to go and sit on her bathroom floor with a child (6 weeks old she was the first time it happened) from midnight - 4am because my neighbour decided to have one of these gatherings (one which turned into many and caused so much stress and anger neighbourly relations are now non-existant) and my bathroom was as far away from the noise as I could get her.

Living in a house with thin walls is awful, it requires everyone to understand and respect the situation and each other enough to make it work or it will become a living hell for everyone involved.

ruggedtoast

es123 wrote: »

I’m not sure how to tackle this. I can’t stop having my family over and I want to be able to do what I want within my own home

Then buy a home which isn't connected to someone else's home. You have thin walls and neighbour who doesn't want to be kept awake by your partying at 2 in the morning.