Splitting the bill with extravagant friends

pollypenny

To dismiss chain restaurants as 'like eating in a dustbin' suggests a superior attitude and nouveau rivhe somehow.

She doesn't sound like a nice person at all. I'd just meet for the odd coffee or lunch.

Clive_Woody

pollypenny wrote: »

To dismiss chain restaurants as 'like eating in a dustbin' suggests a superior attitude and nouveau rivhe somehow.

She doesn't sound like a nice person at all. I'd just meet for the odd coffee or lunch.

Last time I went to our local Strada the service was very slow for a half empty restaurant, the food stone cold by the time it arrived and the waitress decided to award herself a massive tip by keeping the change....until I asked for it back as there was no way I was leaving a tip after such shoddy treatment.

pollypenny

I've never been to a Strada, none around here. However, other chains like Pizza Express, Bella Italia etc are fine, unless it's a special celebration.

Brighton_belle

Jet wrote: »

I'm quite unconfrontational, but I think I need to say something.

I think this is your first mistake - seeing an ordinary conversation as being 'confrontational'.
In fact conversation isn't even the right starting point you just need to tell her, in pleasant and calm voice, I cannot afford to pay for others with a split bill so really sorry, can't make it but would love to meet you for a coffee, let's get our diaries out.
Repeat the same information with every attempt to somehow suggest you must do as she wants or your a loser.

Indie_Kid

I got out with friends and there's usually 8 of us. We really spend anywhere near £200. We always pay what each persons' meal cost. I've never had to make an excuse as to why I can't go - it's just "I won't be there". "ok, next time maybe?" They know I'm usually busy on a Wednesday and there are certain places I won't go.

pearl123

Tell them that you only want to pay for what you've spent. If their tastes are too rich for your budget/ lifestyle then make your excuses and don't go.
Why don't you suggest when the weather get warmer a bring your own boozy picnic in a park or by a river - just to see who comes along.
If anyone is too upmarket for that then perhaps consider who you want as friends.

TBagpuss

I think you have a couple of options.
You can say to her "I'd love to see you, but [plan she has suggested] is out of my budget. How about the two of us meet up for coffee / meal at [reasonbly priced place] on another date instead

Or, you can go, when you arrive, speak to the server and say you would like a separate bill, then order what you want and can afford, and pay your own bill. If she (or anyone) queries it, you can simply say "Oh, as I'm not drinking this will be much simpler than trying to split the bill."
The key is to speak directly to the server as soon as you arrive, and then settle your own bill directly. It has no impact on the other guests as you are not asking them to get involved in working out the sums based on who has what, so unless they are intentionally trying to take advantage of you, they have no reason to object. The first time it may be worth while planning to leave early as this gives you a second, valid reason for keeping things separate.

maman

I think OP is saying that she does have the money but would prefer to spend it on days out with the family than eating out with this friend and her circle.


I think I might go to the 40th as it's a special occasion and then put my foot down. Either go very occasionally (like annually) or arrange to see her on her own somewhere cheap.


I'm fascinated as to where people go for an evening for £20? Amongst my friends, we almost always spilt the bill except for one friend who's teetotal. She always puts in a sum to cover everything she's had and a tip and then the rest of us spilt the bill.

Primrose

I think you really have to be blunt and up front here as your techniques to date haven't worked. How about something on the lines of "Look Mary, I don,t want to have to keep repeating this, but these expensive outings just don't suit my,lifestyle or my budget so I'm opting out. I'd like to keep in touch with you but not it involves spending this kind of money."

If she doesn't take the hint at that she's not a genuine friend. Just quietly drop her.

purpleshoes_2

pollypenny wrote: »

To dismiss chain restaurants as 'like eating in a dustbin' suggests a superior attitude and nouveau rivhe somehow.

She doesn't sound like a nice person at all. I'd just meet for the odd coffee or lunch.

Im getting flashbacks to the skanky shoes thread:rotfl: