Splitting the bill with extravagant friends

Lily-Rose_3

Jet wrote: »

I'm sure this has been brought up before, but how do you deal with this?

I have a friend who has on a number of occasions invited me out with a group of different friends and it often ends up being a £200 night out, which although I can afford, tbh, I don't really want to spend that on a meal out with some friends. They order champagne and even when I was driving just split the bill equally. We went to a London show once, and my friend complained that she had to sit with the crowds rather than get a box like she normally does. She complained once because we had to eat in a "chain" restaurant (Strada) as if she was being made to eat of a dustbin!

I keep making excuses about not going saying that I'm already out that night etc, but then she changes the date to suit me! If I were to say I can't afford it, she would just ask again next month, assuming next month I will have the money.

Her other friends either are middle aged living with parents (so have minimal outgoings), or have rich husbands or have professional jobs. I have an admin job!

I think she honestly thinks her lifestyle is normal and I know she would ridicule me for being "tight" if I say anything. It's her 40th birthday soon and her friend has invited me amongst others to go out with her. I know it will be champagne all round and having to pay for the friends share too. I really would rather spend that money on my family, so I've just ignored the text so far.

I'm quite unconfrontational, but I think I need to say something.

This confuses me somewhat because you say you can afford it in your first post, but then go further into the thread saying you can't, as you're 'only admin,' etc.

Mojisola wrote: »

Why do you want to spend time with people like this?

I wondered that too. This 'friend' sounds ghastly. Turning her nose up at a chain restaurant, thinking £200 is a OK price to spend on a night out. And she would ridicule you for not spending much? Why is this woman even a friend? She sounds horrible.

I would just say 'I am not going out at all for the rest of this year.' Not anywhere, with anyone. I am trying to save as much as possible for a nest egg. She will get so bored asking, and being turned down that she will give up.

Jet

Well I can "afford" it but then I can't afford to spend as much on a day out with the kids or buy a new outfit for work etc, etc. Or I have to expect DP to put more into the kitty etc.

I suppose it's about choices and I am choosing not to spend that much on a night out with friends and acquaintances. I might spend that much on a night out with DP. Some people would say that makes me "tight". Most moneysavers would probably disagree.

clark24

Jet wrote: »

Well I can "afford" it but then I can't afford to spend as much on a day out with the kids or buy a new outfit for work etc, etc. Or I have to expect DP to put more into the kitty etc.

I suppose it's about choices and I am choosing not to spend that much on a night out with friends and acquaintances. I might spend that much on a night out with DP. Some people would say that makes me "tight". Most moneysavers would probably disagree.

Thing is there is a chance that these people are getting into debt just to 'keep up with the Joneses'. That they also can't really afford that much on a night out but are too embarassed to admit it, so put it on a credit card. The fact you are budgeting responsibly is possibly an alien concept to them but they are not worth getting into debt over, or having to sacrifice things that actually make you happy.

toniq

Is the £200 your share or between say 5 friends?

InsideInsurance

toniq wrote: »

Is the £200 your share or between say 5 friends?

£200 for 4/5 people drinking champagne all night, so almost a bottle per round? Please tell me where you live and which bars this is possible in :A

toniq

I never said it was possible, I was asking for clarification as the only time we ever spend such an amount on a meal out is a very special occasion.

purpleshoes_2

I read it as 200 per person, if there were 20 people out that's a 4 grand spend.

burnoutbabe

Just say you are driving and therefore will just buy yourself some soft drinks. (assuming thats true that you are driving). Else say you are on medication and can't drink so will just pay for your own.

Jet

InsideInsurance wrote: »

£200 for 4/5 people drinking champagne all night, so almost a bottle per round? Please tell me where you live and which bars this is possible in :A

That's the total cost. Taxi fares (couldn't get the tube!), train fares, cocktails etc etc.

marisco_2

Jet wrote: »

I'm quite unconfrontational, but I think I need to say something.

Just be completely upfront and honest with her. A good friend would respect your choices and not make you feel bad or look down on you. It does make me laugh when people equate a good night out to the amount they pay. I have dined in some amazing places and in others that your friend would not be seen dead in. Good and bad experiences with both. At the end of the day a top night out comes down to the company of the people you are with, the quality of the chefs and the personalities and experience of the staff, not the prices listed on the menus.