Splitting the bill with extravagant friends

purpleshoes_2

One of the best restaurants Ive ever eaten in is the one I mentioned earlier that costs 7.90 for a 3 course lunch, small family run restaurant but always mobbed and fantastic food. Sometimes where you end up going is where is convenient for someone else. Im not a huge fan of spoons for food, would much rather have a drink there than eat there, but given the hordes of people who go into the two local ones day in and day out, lots of people like eating and drinking there.

susancs

Jet wrote: »

They order champagne and even when I was driving just split the bill equally. We went to a London show once, and my friend complained that she had to sit with the crowds rather than get a box like she normally does. She complained once because we had to eat in a "chain" restaurant (Strada) as if she was being made to eat of a dustbin!

Her other friends either are middle aged living with parents (so have minimal outgoings), or have rich husbands or have professional jobs. I have an admin job!

I think she honestly thinks her lifestyle is normal and I know she would ridicule me for being "tight" if I say anything. It's her 40th birthday soon and her friend has invited me amongst others to go out with her. I know it will be champagne all round and having to pay for the friends share too. I really would rather spend that money on my family, so I've just ignored the text so far.

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I personally think your friend seems to have little in the way of good manners or being polite to behave as she has done. To expect you to part fund her and her friends champagne, when you have chosen not to drink is not acceptable behaviour. Rudely complaining that she had to sit in a theatre with the "crowds" and then making her disdain at eating in a "chain restaurant" obvious. I wonder if she behaving badly thinking it will impress these new "friends"?

I have friends who just put the money for what they are ordering in the middle of the table at the start with a small tip as they say they are dieting so do not want to order a main, but a lighter option with a wine spritzer or they may be saving for their expensive holiday, so on a tight budget or are not drinking as have to work or go somewhere to go, needing a clear head, early next morning, so the final bill minus this amount, is just split between the remaining people. I have other friends who enjoy more expensive wine, so will order that and pay for it at the point of ordering, rather than it going on the whole table bill. We have had some in the group who have left early, so have just given their share for what they have eaten and drunk, plus a server tip, to the person who booked, before leaving. Maybe you could do similar? Just some ideas to avoid any conflict.

Indie_Kid

purpleshoes wrote: »

One of the best restaurants Ive ever eaten in is the one I mentioned earlier that costs 7.90 for a 3 course lunch, small family run restaurant but always mobbed and fantastic food. Sometimes where you end up going is where is convenient for someone else. Im not a huge fan of spoons for food, would much rather have a drink there than eat there, but given the hordes of people who go into the two local ones day in and day out, lots of people like eating and drinking there.

I'm not that keen on spoons either. We've gone in there a few times because it's nearby. But I'd rather go elsewhere tbh.

JReacher1

It doesn't really matter how cheap you can eat on a night out.

A group of people who spend £200 each on a night out are not going to suddenly switch to a burger and a pint at Weatherspoons.

There is nothing wrong with spending lots of money on great food and service. It's only a problem if you can't afford it.

purpleshoes_2

JReacher1 wrote: »

It doesn't really matter how cheap you can eat on a night out.

A group of people who spend £200 each on a night out are not going to suddenly switch to a burger and a pint at Weatherspoons.

There is nothing wrong with spending lots of money on great food and service. It's only a problem if you can't afford it.

Its not just the money thats the problem here, its the attitude of the OP's friend.

I know people who do both, spend fortunes on nights out and drink in wetherspoon when the occasion arises. Many people are happy going anywhere, upmarket and not so upmarket.

bagpussbear

If this was a close, good friend then my advice would be to have a bit of a heart to heart with her.

However, this doesn't sound like the case, it's someone that's more of a casual friend now, especially given that you had a break in friendship.

If you want to stay friends, then perhaps suggest things more on your terms, ie. pub, pizza express or popping round to each others houses for a coffee.

I think if she does care for you, then she'll take you up on your offers. If not, I think you'd be best rid really.

It does not sound much fun to be on a night out, spending money that you can't really afford, with some people that you don't much care for!

Suggest that you take her out for a drink for her 40th, or something like that.

No need for any confrontation, but I think you need take a bit of control back in this friendship.

BigAunty

Be honest. Say you simply don't have that kind of disposable income and wish her well for her birthday event, that it's a struggle for you as it's clear you earn much less than the others.

Offer her an invitation to celebrate her birthday according to your means - groupon voucher for a cream tea at a posh hotel? Invite her round your place for a meal? Brunch at a decent cafe on you?

How much of the reluctance is caused through the expense? And how much because she annoys you with her snobbery and her friends aren't your cup of tea?

carolpinkdreamer

I have been in a similar position and in the end I told my friend that 'I would rather spend that amount of money on my family than a night out'.

I honestly believe that several of our other friends wished they had said the same. x

Turtle

Wow, £200. I could afford that but no way in a million years would I spend it on a night out. If you've tried to tell her, maybe you need to tell her she's not listening to you. If she still doesn't listen I see no alternative but to just let the 'friendship' slide.

Jagraf

maman wrote: »

Oh OK, we're in the South East so it probably explains things. Although even I, used to southern prices, was taken aback at £13.95 for a glass of wine recently.:eek: Especially as it was with a 3 courses for £20 lunch.


We do have Weatherspoons but for me that's more functional (can't be bothered to cook or on the way to cinema) rather than a special occasion place.

I live in the South East. There are eight of us girly friends who meet up for each others birthdays. We rarely spend over £20. We can get a a meal and a couple of drinks easily for that. Having said that, we usually go to an Italian chain. Or we go to a nice pub. £10 for a meal, plus a couple of drinks each.

I'm so happy with the company, I don't even notice the food.