Nice People Thread No. 14, all Nice and Proper

silvercar

GDB2222 wrote: »

Is crocheting as harmful?

Depends where you put the hook!

LydiaJ

silvercar wrote: »

I understand this in an adult situation.

But these rules also apply to the kids. DS2 at uni has plenty of people to get to know without going on dates to socialise.

That's interesting to hear. My kids aren't at that stage yet, so I'm out of touch with how it works for young adults these days.

At secondary school, according to what DS and DD tell me of their friends, there still seems to be the same two "friends" and "going out" possible statuses that there were when I was young. But they seem to form and unform couples at younger ages and for shorter periods of time than when I was at school. Or maybe I just saw less of that side of life when I was that age because of being at a single sex school and only meeting boys at orchestra, church etc.

Generali

GDB2222 wrote: »

Is crocheting as harmful?

No idea I'm afraid GDB as I'm not a medical man. I'd hate to be punched in the crochet though.

GDB2222

LydiaJ wrote: »

Indeed. My dad seems to think he is merely looking after his money until he goes and it passes to us. I think it is his money, and he should spend it on whatever makes his life easier.



My dad feels like this. He told me that after my mum died, various people suggested he should find a new woman, but he doesn't feel any inclination to. He says he "doesn't feel the need for companionship". But then he says he was quite happy being single the first time round and never expected or particularly intended to get married. He met her, fell in love with her, and wanted to be with her. Marriage as an abstract concept has never had any particular appeal for him.



You need this kind of distinction when you are an adult.

When I was single the first time round, there were lots of single people my age, we had plenty of time for socialising with each other, and it was perfectly possible to get to know one's friends well enough to know whether one wanted to be a couple. So all you need was "friends" (with lots of people) and "going out" (with one person at a time. Once you are an adult with a job, however, it doesn't work like that. You cannot get to know potential partners without going on dates with them. Agreeing to go on a date, or more than one date, clearly shouldn't commit you to anything exclusive or lasting, because you barely know the person when you agree to the date. Hence the "seeing each other" stage.

I don't like it really. I much preferred to get to know men while being just friends with them, so you had plenty of time to form an opinion of whether you liked them before the question of "do we want to be more than just friends" was on the table at all. Going on a date with somebody I barely know feels artificial, but it is the only way to meet possibles now that I am no longer a teenager or young adult, and my daily life can happen for months without bringing me into contact with any men who are both single and within spitting distance of my age bracket.

When I was young we had 'social groups ', where we were just friends and got to know people. Some of these raised money for charity. Others were political. They were a great place to meet unmarried people, simply because most of the people of that age were unmarried. I agree that it's much harder as you get older.

Maybe you could join or even organise a group for the sort of people you're interested in meeting. It needs a pretext, eg raising money for charity,or helping people.

DW's aunt was widowed very young, so she set up a dating agency. Found a new husband that way.

Wheezy_2

I had to google 'smocking' and accidentally typed 'smicking'

Smicking the act of smoking and drinking... conveniently put into a single word for all to use...
We were smicking the other night and Eric just passed out on the concrete.

SingleSue

I don't think I am cut out for dating in the 21st century. It's all about constant text messages with sexy messages (or just false declarations of love) and I am just not into that.

Ex lovveerrr has been trying to re-ignite things just recently...by text message. I feel so awkward, I find it difficult in real life to do the sweet murmurings thing, let alone in written form, I end up sounding cold or deranged.

I've no idea if my difficulty is because I built a wall around my emotions post divorce or because I am just wired differently to everyone else, I go more for the rational than the emotive and professing love to someone you met 5 minutes ago is just not rational.

Generali

SingleSue wrote: »

I don't think I am cut out for dating in the 21st century. It's all about constant text messages with sexy messages (or just false declarations of love) and I am just not into that.

Ex lovveerrr has been trying to re-ignite things just recently...by text message. I feel so awkward, I find it difficult in real life to do the sweet murmurings thing, let alone in written form, I end up sounding cold or deranged.

I've no idea if my difficulty is because I built a wall around my emotions post divorce or because I am just wired differently to everyone else, I go more for the rational than the emotive and professing love to someone you met 5 minutes ago is just not rational.

That all sounds very peculiar. I'm very glad not to be single.

GDB2222

SingleSue wrote: »

I don't think I am cut out for dating in the 21st century. It's all about constant text messages with sexy messages (or just false declarations of love) and I am just not into that.

Ex lovveerrr has been trying to re-ignite things just recently...by text message. I feel so awkward, I find it difficult in real life to do the sweet murmurings thing, let alone in written form, I end up sounding cold or deranged.

I've no idea if my difficulty is because I built a wall around my emotions post divorce or because I am just wired differently to everyone else, I go more for the rational than the emotive and professing love to someone you met 5 minutes ago is just not rational.

You sound completely normal, so if the system is not working for you the system must be wrong. I'm not surprised you find it difficult to send semi-pornographic text messages to someone you are not comfortable with. All tapped out one letter at a time on a screen one inch across. Besides which, your literary talents may not lie in the direction of fiction.

SingleSue

Generali wrote: »

That all sounds very peculiar. I'm very glad not to be single.

It does appear to be the done thing now though, that and overt displays of affection in public (as in tongues down each others throats rather than just holding hands).

I don't get this need to be constantly texting people every little thing, it just feels so restricting, what on earth would you talk about when you are together when you have said everything in the 200 texts you exchange when you are not.

Of course, if there is one who likes to do the text thing and one who doesn't, it leads to problems in the relationship. The one texting feels ignored, the one receiving the texts feels pressured. Then there is the feeling of lack of control, from both the sender and recipient (I think this is where my biggest problem is), I don't want to be kept on a leash and someone knowing my every thought, move or location, I want to be free to go where ever I want without having to tell someone about it...I am my own person and not someone elses possession.

Mind you, I was never one for the one night stand when that was in fashion either :rotfl:

Generali

SingleSue wrote: »

Mind you, I was never one for the one night stand when that was in fashion either :rotfl:

I used to be quite a fan (don't tell Mrs Generali though!).