Nice People Thread No. 14, all Nice and Proper

Generali

CKhalvashi wrote: »

Please don't make me jealous :)

It's clouded over now and gotten quite unpleasant. 31C And humid as somewhere that is really quite humid.

SingleSue

LydiaJ wrote: »

Sorry to hear that Sue, although your family seems very healthily functional to me now.

There's a reason for the A in ANT. He has got through to DS in a way that no other counsellor has been able to do. It's an entirely different level of expertise from anybody else that I've seen since LNE's death, which is just as well since most of the others haven't resulted in any discernible progress for us. This expertise is probably not unconnected with the fact that he is exorbitantly expensive compared with everybody else we've seen. My solicitor is confident he can get the defendants to cough up the dosh, though, under DS and DD's personal injury claims.

They thought we were far from functional, we thought we were doing ok, or at least the boys thought so, hence James and Josh's reaction during the sessions. Youngest doesn't like strangers, was in a strange place so escaped to his Planet Zog instead of reacting outwardly.

Back then, the specialists etc didn't agree with how I was doing things as my style of parenting was not the norm for normal children and def not the norm for autistic children. I had refused to give youngest and Josh drugs to modify their behaviour to make it easier for everyone else and that had been a major black mark against me.

To me, it was important that another way was found, I couldn't see the sense in masking their symptoms of autism by giving them drugs rather than working on those symptoms using other methods. For them, that stance was being non compliant and renegade.

Personally, I think my way worked for my children.....they don't need drugs to be in this world AND they can cope a lot better than a lot of other autistic children with the world and society.

But it made me very unpopluar with the medical and social services world and of course, was not the easiest course to take in terms of dealing with the boys.

Still stand by my choices though....

ivyleaf

I think you've proved them all wrong Sue! :T

Lydia Glad ANT is so good :j

GDB2222

Generali wrote: »

Ten past one in the arvo here. The sun is shining and the rest of the family have done the decent thing and beggured off for the afternoon

It's 9:10 in the morning, and the weather is crisp and clear. It is cool but not cold. Fantastic weather for getting out and being active. I, on the other hand, am in bed. I have the window open and I am curled up under the duvet. So weak!

Edit : Just trying to summon up the willpower to go downstairs and make a second cup of coffee.

Edit: DW and I take it in turns to be Coffee and Coffeur. The Coffee lies in bed and has coffee brought to them. The Coffeur does the bringing. The Coffeur, for reasons of silly bilingual punning, is also known as a suitcase.

vivatifosi

ivyleaf wrote: »

I think you've proved them all wrong Sue! :T

Lydia Glad ANT is so good :j

Could not agree more! Sue, everyone here thinks you are amazing and most importantly you've allowed your boys to reach their potential.. as an outsider looking in (being a non-parent) that's a phenomenal achievement, particularly when you have been so hindered by their father and let down by experts.

The cakes look amazing too!

Lydia, it sounds like you've finally found the support you need. Another amazing mother, not giving up until you find the key to unlock the support your children need. I really hope this works out for you.

I really couldn't walk a mile in either of your shoes, or Spirit's, or many of the other people on the NPT. What an astonishing bunch it is that hang out here.

Nikkster

Thanks for putting it so well viva.

GDB. Sounds like just what I need... A coffeur. Instead this morning I had my mum telling me to get up and stop being a lazybones. I told her that I'm practising for hibernation

Generali

vivatifosi wrote: »

Could not agree more! Sue, everyone here thinks you are amazing and most importantly you've allowed your boys to reach their potential.. as an outsider looking in (being a non-parent) that's a phenomenal achievement, particularly when you have been so hindered by their father and let down by experts.

The cakes look amazing too!

Lydia, it sounds like you've finally found the support you need. Another amazing mother, not giving up until you find the key to unlock the support your children need. I really hope this works out for you.

I really couldn't walk a mile in either of your shoes, or Spirit's, or many of the other people on the NPT. What an astonishing bunch it is that hang out here.

I would have liked to thank this post more than once.


What do you think Martin?

:money:

Yup, I agree Martin you big old cuddly sellout.

LydiaJ is also awesome. And LiR. And Sprit. And SingleSue. And all the other Nice People.

CKhalvashi

The milk's gone bad, I've just used the last teabag and don't drink black coffee......

Obviously waiting until 6am, aren't I?!...

CKhalvashi

Generali wrote: »

LydiaJ is also awesome. And LiR. And Sprit. And SingleSue. And all the other Nice People.

I think the good thing with the NPT is that we help each other through what we need, and the problems that we have.

My biggest problem right now is in the post above, which is trivial and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

On the other hand, I'd like to thank you guys for the advice and support earlier this week, with a much more serious problem I've had. It's always much appreciated and I hope that in whatever way, I can, no matter how big or small the problem is

LydiaJ

SingleSue wrote: »

Still stand by my choices though....

Your choices back then have since been clearly vindicated by the outcomes for your boys.

The thing is... the way you chose to deal with your family's circumstances only worked because you had the strength to follow through with your plans and implement them thoroughly and consistently, and in that respect, you are, I believe, rare and special. If the same plans had been attempted by a lesser woman, the outcomes would very likely have been disastrous. Since "they" didn't know you well enough to have faith that you could pull off the hard option with such resounding success, it's understandable that "they" were all in favour of the safer but more limited option.

ivyleaf wrote: »

Lydia Glad ANT is so good :j

It is possible he will be writing a paper about DD eventually. She is "interesting" from the PoV of a professional psychologist. :eek:

vivatifosi wrote: »

Lydia, it sounds like you've finally found the support you need. Another amazing mother, not giving up until you find the key to unlock the support your children need. I really hope this works out for you.

I really couldn't walk a mile in either of your shoes, or Spirit's, or many of the other people on the NPT. What an astonishing bunch it is that hang out here.

Thank you viva. You are very sweet and very encouraging, and so are the people who posted agreeing with your post. (Thank you all, too.) But... one does not get a choice. If you could travel back in time and ask Sue, or Spirit, or lir, or Inspector Monkfish, or me, or various other people whether we would be able to do these things, I suspect we would all have said no. Actually, I know I would have said no, but the others may have been braver and more confident before the fact than I was. I do know that when I was a married parent I used to look at single parents and think "I couldn't do that", and when I heard that LNE was dead and I had just gone from being "single parent with conscientiously involved NRP" to "single parent with no NRP at all", my overwhelming thought was, "How on earth am I going to cope 24/7/365? Their times with Daddy every Tuesday night and every other weekend are all that has been keeping me from collapsing."

But sometimes you are walking along in life, and as in "Alice through the looking glass", you find that the path gives a sudden twist and shakes itself, and you are going in a whole new direction through no choice of your own. Then there is nothing else to do but to walk as many miles as there are ahead, in whatever shoes you find on your feet (to change the metaphor back again). No matter how much you may want to resign from the task ahead, your children remain your children, your illnesses remain your illnesses, and so on. I can curl up in a ball and cry and say that I can't carry on, but it doesn't change anything. Eventually, the tears dry up, and the situation is still the same, and there is nothing else to do but get up and get back to it.

Having said that, though ... I am 100% certain that I would not have made anywhere near as good a job of bringing up Sue's boys as she has done. I am in awe of her stamina. I have none of her disabilities, but still don't have anything like her energy.