Nice People Thread No. 14, all Nice and Proper

LydiaJ

Doozergirl wrote: »

Hi Lydia,

I didn't really know what to say last night and wanted to ponder. I'm sorry things are the way they are. Now that you have the right person, even though it is external, I am sure they will engage with nearly the same determination as you would.
It's hardly consolation, but imagine that if it were you that were truly broken then the impact on them would likely be worse. Not being able to cope well is probably the best you can expect of yourself and could also be considered a great relief.

I think you are coping admirably. There may not be huge amounts of energy to go around make things perfect, but even people with boundless energy aren't entitled to amazing parenting skills as part of that package. You are thoughtful, considerate of them, have done everything you are capable of and have taken action beyond the experts that have actually failed to do what they're qualified.

That deserves a pat on the back, regardless of whether you feel you don't deserve it. We are our own worst enemies.

Thank you Doozergirl. That helps. If pondering enables you to write like that, then you're good at pondering. The support of the NP has helped a lot over the last 7 years, and it still does.

Today is another day. The sun in shining, and today I only need to deal with today. Tomorrow has enough troubles of its own, and I am not going to think about them now.

Doozergirl, jelly, and any other NP within striking distance of Birmingham ... The three of us did lunch a while ago. Anyone interested in doing that again?

Doozergirl

LydiaJ wrote: »

Thank you Doozergirl. That helps. If pondering enables you to write like that, then you're good at pondering. The support of the NP has helped a lot over the last 7 years, and it still does.

Today is another day. The sun in shining, and today I only need to deal with today. Tomorrow has enough troubles of its own, and I am not going to think about them now.

Doozergirl, jelly, and any other NP within striking distance of Birmingham ... The three of us did lunch a while ago. Anyone interested in doing that again?

Yes, I would.

Edit: Aren't we all 'trainable' quite directly into New Street?

SingleSue

Lydia - when there is so much on someone's plate, it is quite difficult to keep on coping, it is not a character flaw, we are only designed to take so much before that ability starts to fail.

As regards to perpetual failing to cope, it does get easier (not saying it is ever easy but you do adjust a little) although that feeling on being on a merry go round and not being able to get off is awful. I've been on it many years and at times I thought there was no way I could carry on, that the boys would be better off with someone else much better able to cope.

What helped for me was to break things down into tiny little segments, I didn't look forward to tomorrow or next week or next month, I looked to get through the next hour and if we managed that without a breakdown, then I internally congratulated myself...there were times we were down to the next 15 minutes chunks when things were particularly stressful. There was a lot of going through the motions, of a putting on of a 'happy' face but privately, there was also lots of tears and doubts.

I'm coming out of the other side now, yes there are still eek moments but they are now reducing compared to what it had been. When I look back to 10 years ago, I am absolutely amazed what we managed to cope with, even 2 years ago even when youngest was at breakdown and harming himself.

So don't be too hard on yourself, you are doing an amazing job and once you find the things that work for your children and for you, things will start to improve and hopefully, like me, you will be able to look back in the future and see how far you have all come as a family.

Yorkie1

PasturesNew wrote: »

The world was supposed to end last night, some supermoon event.

I think it may be tonight?

kabayiri

PasturesNew wrote: »

Watching Beeny's double your house/half the money - couple have done a big back garden extension .... and only close to the end of the build did they realise they've two rooms inside the house without windows.

How the heck can you design a whole extension/house enlargement without spotting that?

And, apparently, it's not uncommon.

Because people skimp on the design phase, as I mentioned earlier.

If you don't consider potential solutions to problems you will encounter you can't expect to enter into long winded discussions with the builder as they crop up. All the builders I know want to make the quickest decision possible, because time is money to them.

When I was examining the design for the extension of our house here, it didn't take long to realise that just adding an extension wasn't sufficient.

In the end we moved every single room downstairs around. For example, the kitchen moved across the house. It was pretty disruptive, but in the end I feel we now have a traditional house but with light and space and modern features.

Personally, I love a program like Grand Designs even though the participants sometimes seem a bit self indulgent. You see some great inspirational thinking; it's not always just throwing money at the property.

mystic_trev

PasturesNew wrote: »

The world was supposed to end last night

Yorkie1 wrote: »

I think it may be tonight?

.....or tomorrow morning?

http://travel.aol.co.uk/2015/09/24/super-blood-moon-september-2015-supermoon-total-lunar-eclipse-2015/

CKhalvashi

Doozergirl wrote: »

Yes, I would.

Edit: Aren't we all 'trainable' quite directly into New Street?

The main problem I think is going to be finding a day that all NP can do.

I'd rather drive to Birmingham than get a packed airport train, as by the time I've parked at Stansted it's probably cheaper too.

Don't know about other NP on that one either, as I'm on a different track to everyone else.

Doozergirl

kabayiri wrote: »

Because people skimp on the design phase, as I mentioned earlier.

If you don't consider potential solutions to problems you will encounter you can't expect to enter into long winded discussions with the builder as they crop up. All the builders I know want to make the quickest decision possible, because time is money to them.

When I was examining the design for the extension of our house here, it didn't take long to realise that just adding an extension wasn't sufficient.

In the end we moved every single room downstairs around. For example, the kitchen moved across the house. It was pretty disruptive, but in the end I feel we now have a traditional house but with light and space and modern features.

Personally, I love a program like Grand Designs even though the participants sometimes seem a bit self indulgent. You see some great inspirational thinking; it's not always just throwing money at the property.

We were once turned down for a job, not because of cost, but because we treated the house as if it were ours.

I remember at the time thinking "I'll take that".

Boo ya, still watching them fix their house three years later on facebook. It wasn't a big house, it was quite average.

By all means, hire a builder that doesn't.

GDB2222

It would be a very un-nice thought that four people riding on one quad bike deserve a Darwin Award?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leeds-34373237

I see that they were helped on their way by two idiots who were arrested for dangerous driving (suspected!).

mystic_trev

GDB2222 wrote: »

It would be a very un-nice thought that four people riding on one quad bike deserve a Darwin Award?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leeds-34373237

I see that they were helped on their way by two idiots who were arrested for dangerous driving (suspected!).

Tragic waste of life, however you look at it.

It would appear that four youngsters were riding a quad bike, without helmets, when a Nissan sports car ran up the back of it!