Feel absolutely gutted for a stranger

Peter333

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

Pretty much spot on in all fairness. Could have been advertised better I guess. No there wasn't an invite, and the lady didn't advertise it herself at all. But I still say I saw the advert perfectly fine and it was an easy event to attend, so am shocked that more people didn't.

More upset for the fact that none of her friends showed for her birthday if not for the charity. Utterly shameful.

The more I am reading your posts, and the more I think about it; the more I feel I have to ask... Is this 'friend' actually you?

Just some of the things you have been saying, and the fact you seem to know shedloads about what she did to organise the event, and how passionate and angry and upset you feel for 'this woman' who you say you know, it just hit me that you may be the woman in question.

Just curious. I just get the feeling it may be you. Especially after the post where you said, nobody would come to your party. I did ask why, but you never answered.

Is it you? Are you the one this happened to?

marisco_2

It is sad that the lady's friends chose not to come along and celebrate her birthday and support what she was trying to do.

Putting a positive spin on things though she has met in you someone prepared to do all that you could to make the evening pleasant. You donated as much as you could afford too which was really nice of you.

Now you are carrying that forwards for her and trying to promote all the good that she started. Good on you OP for caring and wanting to make a difference where it really counts.

Nicki

I get invited to quite a lot of charity events by people I know. I don't go to all of them and it wouldn't make a difference to that decision whether or not the organiser was holding it on their birthday or how good a friend they were. I would go to a close friends birthday party but not always to one where I would expect to be one of a hundred or so attendees.

Sounds to me like the organiser didn't make her expectations and the kind of event she was planning clear enough and that nothing personal was meant by her friends by not attending.

Hermia

Nicki wrote: »

I get invited to quite a lot of charity events by people I know. I don't go to all of them and it wouldn't make a difference to that decision whether or not the organiser was holding it on their birthday or how good a friend they were. I would go to a close friends birthday party but not always to one where I would expect to be one of a hundred or so attendees.

Sounds to me like the organiser didn't make her expectations and the kind of event she was planning clear enough and that nothing personal was meant by her friends by not attending.

Yes, it all sounds very vague to me. Maybe the people who would have liked to celebrate her birthday really didn't like the idea of a disco with other stuff going on. Perhaps the people who supported the charity aspect thought the birthday stuff made it seem a bit informal.

Whenever I have been involved in charity events proper invitations have always been sent out to the most important people. I've always got the impression that is how these things are done. We have also always made sure to keep an eye on how many people were going to come.

I think Facebook has its place, but should not be relied on. People like and share things all the time without seriously wanting to get involved. And it's easy for an invite to get lost amongst everything else.

I feel for the lady, but she shouldn't take it personally. I think a lot of people volunteer for charity, but don't necessary want to get more involved than they are. I expect a disco event on a Saturday night might put people off. I do avoid social events related to voluntary work I do. I really don't want to spend any more time especially as I also work. And I cannot afford to donate any more money (perhaps people were worried there would be pressure to donate when they already do their bit?)

Mrs_Imp

I think she needs to see it as a learning experience for future events. She can sit down now and work out what to do next time to make it better.

Having helped to organise a few charity events, it's a lot of work to do the advertising - Facebook page with almost daily posts and shares, advertising in the local newspapers, putting it on the local events web page, contacting the local radio, leafletting streets, putting up posters in every shop/cafe etc that will advertise.

She knows now that she needs to do more work to get Joe Public involved. Her friends are a different matter, and should be full of apologies and offers of donations.

Hermia

Mrs_Imp wrote: »

I think she needs to see it as a learning experience for future events. She can sit down now and work out what to do next time to make it better.

Having helped to organise a few charity events, it's a lot of work to do the advertising - Facebook page with almost daily posts and shares, advertising in the local newspapers, putting it on the local events web page, contacting the local radio, leafletting streets, putting up posters in every shop/cafe etc that will advertise.

She knows now that she needs to do more work to get Joe Public involved. Her friends are a different matter, and should be full of apologies and offers of donations.

Some good tips there. I also find inviting local worthies (mayor, local councillors etc) is worth a try.

I wonder if this lady's friends did something else for her birthday. If someone imvited me to a Saturday night disco I'd probably say, "arg! Can I give you a donation and take you dinner another night instead"! The fact none of them turned up makes me wonder if there was some misunderstanding or miscommunication somewhere.

Newlyboughthouse

Peter333 wrote: »

The more I am reading your posts, and the more I think about it; the more I feel I have to ask... Is this 'friend' actually you?

Just some of the things you have been saying, and the fact you seem to know shedloads about what she did to organise the event, and how passionate and angry and upset you feel for 'this woman' who you say you know, it just hit me that you may be the woman in question.

Just curious. I just get the feeling it may be you. Especially after the post where you said, nobody would come to your party. I did ask why, but you never answered.

Is it you? Are you the one this happened to?

I promise you, it is not me. I am anonymous here so if it was me, I'd say it was me. What she did to organise the event was pretty obvious which is how 'I know shedloads'

It's just hit me really hard and really feel for the poor woman (who isn't a friend I only met her for the first time Sat night)

And I always thought I was a sociopath :rotfl:

Trixi

I've skimmed this thread so apologies if I've missed something but if the event was advertised through a post on a page or group (rather than set up as an event with invitees and the option to accept/decline) then it is very unlikely that even a fraction of the 5000 members would have seen it. Not all posts show up on all members newsfeeds - and those that do can very easily be skipped over. Notifications for each page can be switched on or off by individual users - I only get notifications from one of the many pages/groups I follow. Advertising on Facebook is difficult due to their 'quirks' - it is far from guaranteed that the right people will see any one post.

I feel bad for the organiser - this has happened more than once at events in my area and it is sad when someone makes an effort and no-one shows up. Getting the word out is really difficult

gayleygoo

How sad that none of her friends made the effort for her birthday at the very least. It sounds like it would have been a great night! I know not everyone likes a disco, maybe in future a rock-night or even a table quiz might be better? (Table quiz not so fun for a birthday though!)

FB advertising isn't a great way to do things though. Sure, it'll get liked and shared plenty of times but that doesn't mean those people will actually attend. There needed to be posters up in shop windows, advertised by the venue, maybe on the radio and local newspapers etc (which may not have cost anything since it was a charity event) for at least a few weeks before.

If you feel bad for this woman, maybe you could stay in touch with her and offer to help with future events she may organise?

fairy_lights

A disco in the back room of a pub does seem like a bit off an odd choice as a charity fund raiser - what age group would that even be targeted at? It sounds a bit naff to be honest.
Pub quizzes always seem to draw a lot of people in, maybe she could try something like that if she arranges another event?
The fact that none of her friends turned up does see quite sad but then you have only met her once, there could be a reason why none of her friends bothered. She could be very hard work or a bit of a drama llama, maybe she didn't tell her friends till the last minute or had a falling out with them?