Online dating: Has this ever happened to you?

nonnatus

I don't think this Online Dating is for you at all if you can get so distressed about something as silly as age.

It's human nature to lie, to tell half truths, to present ourselves in the best possible light, surely? This guy clearly liked you enough that from a couple of minutes into meeting you, he guessed you needed him to be older than he was. Despite him only being 28, you got on like the proverbial house on fire, obviously didn't struggle for conversation or humour - so why should the numbers on his birth certificate mean anything more to YOU than yours do to him?

If you like him, go meet him. He'll be apologetic probably and you may well make a friend for life. Or maybe there will be NO physical chemistry, buy you have to meet up to know this!

I'm sure when you joined, you didn't just post the first photo of yourself you came across? You probably hunted through loads to find one that showed you at your very best. Similarly, in your description, you would have presented things about yourself that were positive and left out the bits about your late night nose picking regime and hairy feet. Things you will no doubt reveal (albeit unintentionally) as the relationship progresses...

Stop worrying about what everyone else will think and start concentrating on what you actually want. It's liberating

Gra76

Message him back, tell him you've had a re-think and that you'll give it a go if it upsets you that much.

Hopefully that's all he's lied about. According to a colleague who is a perpetual internet dater, he says he's yet to meet a woman who looks anything like their profile pics (which he says is the biggest lie of them all) so if all he's lied about is his age then I wouldn't be too worried.

densol_2

People do lie on dating sites and especially about age ! Guys want to appear older and women younger ! It kinda comes with the territory !

28 / 34 .... There's not a lot of difference there really - if it's just the age he has been silly about - I would tend to let it go. My fella I met online and have been with for over a year is significantly younger than me lol

However I would add a word of caution having been online dating for a few years. I also had a few long online chats with fellas for weeks before and built up images etc in my mind. I can say when I met these were NEVER as anticipated and always disappointing. I decided I would rather meet quickly and see if a spark etc existed rather than the online relationship

Good luck

System

Hopefully that's all he's lied about. According to a colleague who is a perpetual internet dater, he says he's yet to meet a woman who looks anything like their profile pics (which he says is the biggest lie of them all) so if all he's lied about is his age then I wouldn't be too worried.

to be honest we all put the best shot up as a profile picture but we don't show the ones which aren't as flattering.... bit of a let down when your expecting a stunning beauty and in reality you end up dating a moose.:D

I'd still give him the benefit of the doubt. Get him to own up to his other exaggerations if there are any.

Pollycat

Mileeta wrote: »

I still haven't spoken to him, but I'm going to soon. Reading the replies regarding age, in all honesty it was a problem. The problem being what my siblings will think seeing me with a younger man. I spent most of my life focused on my career and other than once in university 15 years ago, I've not had a serious relationship. He's nice, I like him so if there is no more lies he has hidden, then I will give him another chance.

Why are you so worried about what your siblings think of you?
You're a 38 year old woman with a career, FHS!

Mileeta wrote: »

I'm the only one of my siblings who doesn't have a partner or children and at 38 years old it becomes demoralising when they always ask why I'm still on the shelf.

Shouldn't you be looking to jump off 'the shelf' because you want a partner, not because of what your siblings think?

Maybe you should start telling them that it's none of their business.
Take a read of this thread for suggestions of what to say to them when they ask why you're 'still on the shelf':
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5207026

tea_lover

You are so over-thinking all of this. He's probably moved on by now, it's not like you'd even met and you've already sulked for days!

Just speak to some other people and have realistic expectations.

System

Furgitude wrote: »

Just to follow on from something DUTR touched upon. What if she got cold feet about meeting him the first time and lied about her mum having a fall?

This whole over reaction to his lie could be her way of getting out of the hole she dug for herself. She ended it cause of her lie only to realise she has fallen for him. I like to think outside the box

That's complex

carefullycautious

If you have only ever had one relationship whilst at university you are probably going to be well matched as you appear mentally a lot younger. So the 10 year gap is irrelevant.

Mileeta

Thought it was best to follow this up. I never plucked up the courage to contact him. He did send me a text this evening to break the ice and we have had a nice long chat. I'm prepared to give him a second chance. It's amazing how good he makes me feel

I just wish to take this opportunity to apologise for coming across petulant. I'm not a very confident person at the best of times and I do get insecure about what my siblings think of me. Over the years they have chipped away at me because their lives are 'so perfect' compared to mine. This is why I thought they would disapprove highly of me with a younger man. It's time I stop letting them get to me and go with what makes me happy. And if that's a 28 year old man, then so be it!

Thank you all for your replies,

T x

nonnatus

That's TERRIFIC news Mileeta!!

I wish you both the best of luck. I never normally post on these relationship threads but your story stood out for me. Keep that positive attitude alive and your life will be loads better!

x