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Online dating: Has this ever happened to you?
Mileeta
Posts: 7 Forumite
Not even sure if this place is relevant for my problem, but seeing several online dating stories from people here. Someone should be able to relate to what has happened to me.
I'm the only one of my siblings who doesn't have a partner or children and at 38 years old it becomes demoralising when they always ask why I'm still on the shelf. I decided to try find someone, so I signed up to a reputable online dating website. The monthly subscription was expensive in my opinion and being naive, I thought people would be more trustworthy due to paying such an expensive subscription. My first impressions wasn't great, most of the messages I received were monotonous and the people I did like from first impressions always asked the same questions.
I spent most of my time lurking in the chat rooms. They were pretty boring with the people asking the same questions, but in one room, mostly at night there was always this male who was very gregarious in nature and made the room fun. He was a bit cheeky and got everyone involved in general discussions, many of which were very humorous. I decided to private message him because he was different than the rest and that appealed to me.
We started talking on a regular basis, I found him attractive but on his profile his age was "Somewhere between 1-100" he told me he was 34 which I found suspicious because he looked younger. He assured me he was, so I continued talking with him. In December I was planning on meeting him, we had been speaking for 3 weeks by now but my mother had a bad fall one icy morning, breaking her hip and due to having no prior commitments, I took the decision to care for her.
He understood and was very supportive. Since then we have become close, talking everyday by text, calling eachother and even skyping. I enjoy his company and asked to meet him this weekend. He agreed but he had a confession to make. He had lied about his age and has just turned 28. The reason he says he lied is because he finds me attractive and thought I wouldn't talk to him if I knew he was younger. I'm not buying that, he lied from the moment we started talking!
Now this is where it becomes silly. He confessed on Tuesday and out of anger by being duped I told him never to contact me again. I miss him and I have broken down in tears over this. It's stupid that I feel so sad because I've never had physical contact with him, but I'm really really hurt deeply by him
I'm the only one of my siblings who doesn't have a partner or children and at 38 years old it becomes demoralising when they always ask why I'm still on the shelf. I decided to try find someone, so I signed up to a reputable online dating website. The monthly subscription was expensive in my opinion and being naive, I thought people would be more trustworthy due to paying such an expensive subscription. My first impressions wasn't great, most of the messages I received were monotonous and the people I did like from first impressions always asked the same questions.
I spent most of my time lurking in the chat rooms. They were pretty boring with the people asking the same questions, but in one room, mostly at night there was always this male who was very gregarious in nature and made the room fun. He was a bit cheeky and got everyone involved in general discussions, many of which were very humorous. I decided to private message him because he was different than the rest and that appealed to me.
We started talking on a regular basis, I found him attractive but on his profile his age was "Somewhere between 1-100" he told me he was 34 which I found suspicious because he looked younger. He assured me he was, so I continued talking with him. In December I was planning on meeting him, we had been speaking for 3 weeks by now but my mother had a bad fall one icy morning, breaking her hip and due to having no prior commitments, I took the decision to care for her.
He understood and was very supportive. Since then we have become close, talking everyday by text, calling eachother and even skyping. I enjoy his company and asked to meet him this weekend. He agreed but he had a confession to make. He had lied about his age and has just turned 28. The reason he says he lied is because he finds me attractive and thought I wouldn't talk to him if I knew he was younger. I'm not buying that, he lied from the moment we started talking!
Now this is where it becomes silly. He confessed on Tuesday and out of anger by being duped I told him never to contact me again. I miss him and I have broken down in tears over this. It's stupid that I feel so sad because I've never had physical contact with him, but I'm really really hurt deeply by him
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Comments
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You should be telling all this to him and not us...0
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So he was a good and supportive friend to you over a period of time and the lie about his age wipes all of that out ?
You don't sound a very good friend- but perhaps you could call him and apologize as you now see with hindsight you over-reacted ?
Really it depends what you want ...... If the lie (which was only about a number and not about anything really important ) means you can't be friends ever then there is no point in contacting the guy- if however you regret your actions - ring him and talk to him and see what happens. You have nothing to lose.
What do you want to happen ?I Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole
MSE Florida wedding .....no problem0 -
It makes me think there has been more lies. A relationship is built on trust and without trust you have nothing.So he was a good and supportive friend to you over a period of time and the lie about his age wipes all of that out ?
You don't sound a very good friend- but perhaps you could call him and apologize as you now see with hindsight you over-reacted ?
Really it depends what you want ...... If the lie (which was only about a number and not about anything really important ) means you can't be friends ever then there is no point in contacting the guy- if however you regret your actions - ring him and talk to him and see what happens. You have nothing to lose.0 -
So you expect everyone on an online dating site to be 100% honest from day 1?Eat vegetables and fear no creditors, rather than eat duck and hide.0
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Never dated online but as a younger person, I do feel that people are more reluctant to talk to me if they know my age before knowing me as a person. I'm quite mature and do not fit with 99% of the stereotypes/assumptions but I know people are put off by age differences even in a non-romantic context (myself included sometimes). I personally don't consider his lie to be that bad but if you're concerned about other lies then just straight up ask him. I don't think the relationship is "built" on lies unless you would've stopped talking to him as soon as he said he was 28, in which case you've kinda justified his lie... It sounds like you really like him and that should be enough to give him a second chance.Apologies for any typos, my phone can't handle the forums.0
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Good point. I'm only presuming there has been more lies. I have nothing else to lose by asking him if it was all a lie.Maggie.Moo wrote: »Never dated online but as a younger person, I do feel that people are more reluctant to talk to me if they know my age before knowing me as a person. I'm quite mature and do not fit with 99% of the stereotypes/assumptions but I know people are put off by age differences even in a non-romantic context (myself included sometimes). I personally don't consider his lie to be that bad but if you're concerned about other lies then just straight up ask him. I don't think the relationship is "built" on lies unless you would've stopped talking to him as soon as he said he was 28, in which case you've kinda justified his lie... It sounds like you really like him and that should be enough to give him a second chance.0 -
I did, yes. That was me being naive. I knew he looked younger than 34 and I should have relied on my intuition because it was right.
Having never met him then the picture you say may not even be anything like the real person :eek:
Iv'e been on some online dates and naturally we chat about previous meetings, one woman said she was chatting with what she thought was a 50yr old caucasian, when she ended up metting the person, she was shocked that it was a 20 young year old asian.
On the counter, the day of the meet your Mum has a fall (which although I'm sure is true) is also not a good start from the other person's perspective. As you are still subscribed, then all you can do is hope somebody suitable appears at the right time.0 -
Sounds like a guy who likes you, but lied about his age because he thought you might turn him down just because of his age, without getting to know him first...
If I were you, i would just phone him, say you are sorry for being a muppet and over reacting, and would love to still meet him if he is still willing.Should've = Should HAVE (not 'of')
Would've = Would HAVE (not 'of')
No, I am not perfect, but yes I do judge people on their use of basic English language. If you didn't know the above, then learn it! (If English is your second language, then you are forgiven!)0
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