Tips for maintaining friendships whilst paying off debts

Newlifer

A friend of mine was having a tough time following a relationship breakdown and was disolusioned with living in London. She moved to Brighton and has raved about it ever since. Sea, the downs to go walking on and v friendly people. I don't know your circumstances but maybe a fresh start somewhere would make you feel stronger? Good we are at a time in the year when you generally feel brighter though.

Yes I do live in the country. There are pros and cons. More pros than cons but it is defo harder to meet new people and almost always requires car travel. Can be expensive I find getting about. I've started a rota with a few friends sharing lifts.

Been glorious day here too so good for the soul. The longer days always help me too.

Have you ever tried Pilates or yoga? Where I am moving to they have it advertised at the local village hall so might give it a shot. Might not be able to move for a few days afterwards mind you!

red12341234

I've re registered because your posts struck such a chord with me. I'm in a similar position ,just out of a ten year relationship.

I'm finding lonliness is the hardest thing, and I'm drinking more to blot it out. After following this site for years to stay out of debt , i'm spending without a care!

I'm hiding from my friends because I don't want to talk about it all, and feel a bit tense all the time.

But i also know I will be ok, and it only needs me to turn it around. And spring is bursting forth and now is a good time to start !

why dont we all support each other through it? Gently and with baby steps, as I am suprised how often I run away from suggestions to move forward. Think I can only do it at my pace when I'm ready too.

I have a free day so I am going to spend most of it in the sun, do some wholesome cooking, and actually do a budget. I can do them in my sleep, so its time to get a real grip of it and stick it on the fridge door so I dont forget tommorrow.

JasX

red12341234 wrote: »

and I'm drinking more to blot it out. After following this site for years to stay out of debt ...

I guess different people respond in different ways... after my 5 year relationship ended I found I was driniking a lot less and actually started making good use of my gym membership (£16 a month -vaguely MSE at least )

I figured if I needed something else to focus on to distract me it may as well be something positive and throwing myself into a bit of a health kick seemed a good idea at the time -I lost 14 kg over the next 6 months, still single 3 years later mind you but if someone does come along on that front....

Newlifer

Red you have come to the right place - I'm finding this a v friendly board and some great ideas emerging. The sense of frozen a bit to the spot is challenging to overcome but like JasX I have decided that I am going to focus on things that make me feel better/stronger moving forward. I am moving at a pace that I feel I can manage. Sometimes that's backwards a step when emotions get the better of me but that's ok I'm allowing myself to feel them and then I pick myself back up and move forward again.

Great you are doing positive things in your home, maybe worth trying the odd thing outside of your home. I started by helping friends. I gained company and felt I was doing something rewarding and worthwhile. I've expected nothing in return but have found those who I've helped have in turn without being asked have been v supportive of me.

I find my energy levels are v low at time due to stress and lack of sleep but I make myself do at least one positive thing each day. Might be something v small like sort a pile of papers or repotting a plant but it's progress nonetheless. I'm now finding day by day I'm achieving a bit more.

It might be worth cutting out all alcohol for a while and instead do things to get super healthy like eating lots of veggies and going for walks. Stress I find if I'm not careful makes me rundown. Just a thought, you are doing so well with other positive things.

I'd also encourage you to be brave and tell all your friends how your feeling, that way they can be there for you. True friends will support you. It's v hard initially but I defo found it helped a lot. One day at a time don't pressure yourself but do try if you can. You've told us so that's a good start!

I'm well impressed with the weight loss JasX. It's times like this that I shouldn't admit to having already eaten all my Easter chocolate! Oops...

Gaia you are quiet today - you ok?

Frankly it is far too nice out to be working but work is critical so I'd better get to it now. We will all get there....we need to think of fun free/cheap things to do outdoors to make the most of this sunshine.

Gaia2014

Hi all,

I hope you've all had a good day and welcome back red12341234.

I've just got in from work and dare I say it's a beautiful day down here. Spring is well and truly here. Little too hot on the commute home though (I travel by train/bus)...

Thank you for keeping this thread going. I hope we can continue to support each other through our own particular journeys.

These days I find that I have good days and bad days and that lack of things to do i.e. distractions aren't helpful. So I've found that planning ahead is key. So for example, if I know there is a long weekend on the horizon/Easter/Christmas etc I make sure that I have a couple of enjoyable activities to do or arrange to meet up with a friend for at least one of the days. Of course coming on MSE is a godsend too.

In time we will find our pot of gold at the end of the rainbow/new relationships/happiness etc, etc. I wish that for all of us. Life has been tough enough right?

Have a nice evening x

Gaia2014

Well done JasX for losing 14 kg. You must feel great.

It's amazing how exercise can raise the endorphins and it's a bonus when you lose weight too!. I tried (and failed) to go to the gym recently. No motivation . I do a lot of walking though and my job keeps me active so I guess I'm fairly fit.

Gaia2014

Newlifer, I've just read your post about your friend who moved to Brighton. It is a bit of a fantasy of mine to move there or somewhere similar.

I doubt the cost of living would be much less, but the pace of life a lot slower... maybe one day . Can't see me staying here for ever to be honest and certainly with regards to buying a house if I'm fortunate (or not) to get a mortgage before I'm 50 :eek: Failing that, move to somewhere equally nice where the rent isn't so high .

Meatloaf1981

Definitely cheaper to live in Brighton than London!

Gaia2014

Hi Meatloaf1981, that's good to know ...

That will definitely by on my list of possibilities now :j

Seaside, south downs, and not to far from London either (if I get withdrawal symptoms). Not in a position to move yet. But, in the not too distant future... who knows :j.

red12341234

Thankyou all, it's very welcoming.

Indeed I am at the point where alcohol is banned apart from one day a week, the healthy food is back, and a bit of excercise everyday. Well spotted, all my activities were solitary ones lol, but i have spent the whole day chit chatting in the community so i have stayed outside of my head which is good. Still cant face anything deeper yet.

Just the budget to do now as i want to take dd on a nice holiday this year so that gives me a goal.

I'm glad the sun seems to be making everyone smile . Hope you all smile this week. I have a couple of work days which take over my life but i will try and make a happy distraction plan for the weekend. . Take care