Tips for maintaining friendships whilst paying off debts

Gaia2014

Hi PollyWollyDoodle (great user name )

Welcome to the thread. Thank you for your kind words and suggestions. I'm feeling more positive today in terms of being debt free next year. I've just started a self managed DMP and so far all of the creditors are agreeing with my payment proposals :T... I don't owe a huge amount, but it sure will feel like a weight has been lifted .

What I'm struggling with most is the concept that debt free equals happy life (better social life, new relationship etc, etc)... But, really I should be focussing on these things NOW and trying some of the things you lovely people have suggested. It's hard to get motivated though. My job is both physically and emotionally demanding.

I'm not sure I've got anything left to give at the weekends... apart from winding down and meeting new people. I like the idea of dog walking, but the responsibility scares me. I love animals too much and have a tendency to get over involved .

I hope these don't sound like excuses. I guess my main aim is to meet people by way of a walking group, arts and crafts group or enrol on a course. My ultimate aim is to have a family unit. Something that feels way out of my reach at the moment... but hopefully will be part of my future... I guess I'm a little bit depressed (due to my circumstances). I really need to work on that. I remember what it is like to be in love and I miss that feeling... sorry I'm going off on a tangent :eek:

Red12341234 I'm thinking about holidays too. Can't afford one this year so I'm making do with researching places to visit in the future instead... and watching 'escape to the country' on catch up T.V. A little bit of escapism for me .

Hope everyone is having a nice evening.

PollyWollyDoodle

Why, thank you If you don't mind me saying so, if you only split from your LT partner a year ago you are probably still in recovery; and yes, you may be depressed in a general sense, it's a blow to your self esteem even when the splitting-up is mutual, you know it's the right thing etc. - it's still hard. Celebrate the small things - you can see the end of your debt which is brilliant, you're gradually coming out of the dark times and things will get easier. I suspect however that part of the reason you don't feel motivated is that you're still emotionally exhausted and coping with the feelings from the break-up. You've been in love before and you will be again, but meanwhile love yourself a little bit.

Making new friends doesn't happen overnight, but joining something - anything - will definitely help, and don't sabotage yourself (ask me how I know this!) by then declining invitations for coffee etc - I wasted a lot of opportunities because I was convinced nobody really wanted to get to know me.

The other thing I recommend is planning how to spend time on your own. Plan to cook something special (if cooking's your thing), a pampering session, a DVD, a phonecall, a bag of chocolate buttons in front of your favourite TV programme, a new library book - doesn't have to cost a lot but make sure there's a treat of some sort in every day for yourself.

Gaia2014

Thanks... I will try to be kind to myself. Sometimes I'm more own worst critic. I will try to think of some MSE ideas to keep me going. I've noticed the weather has started to get warmer and generally my mood starts to lift in the Spring. The seasons fly by it's almost scary. Still, that's a good thing in terms of DFW right? :T.

What worries me a little bit is that I am assuming everything will be great once I'm debt free and in the meantime it would seem I am putting my life on hold until then instead of doing fun things now! It's definitely mood related and probably me trying to get over my relationship break up.

However, that was a year ago so I'm not sure why I'm find it so hard to move on in terms of looking for a serious relationship... maybe I'm scared about being hurt again. I'm also worried that it will be harder at my age (being over 40) although not impossible especially since I still want children. Life can be tough sometimes...

Right, I'm going to think about some fun things to do this weekend...:).

red12341234

Well you know what they say. When you stop looking , love finds you. I think its true too, because you are a happy person therefore atttract others.

I have been out and socialised. Really enjoyed it. Really enjoyed my healthy living and not drinking too, still all a work in progress and still fall down sometimes, but want to do more as i can feel more relaxed already. Too many cakes tho lol.

I am thinking about the week ahead. I want to do more excercise, keep cooking, and not spend any money as i want to go on holiday and can't afford to at the moment.

I'm also thinking about being less shy as when people get flirty i avoid them, which spoils my opening sentence.

Have a great week, you all sound a bit more positive.

Gaia2014

Thanks red12341234... I hope you're having a good weekend.

Feeling a bit more positive because I'm taking control of my debts. I still owe around £7,500 and whilst it could be lot worse it feels like a weight I'm carrying around at the moment...Last 15 years to be precise. Wish I"d seen the light sooner so to speak... anyway I'm hoping the happiness attracts love idea works for me then as I will no doubt be on cloud 9! :beer:

Newlifer

Gaia many thanks. I can relate to you saying you find it hard to just enjoy life now and keep waiting for the panacea that is a debt free life, I'm making the same mistake right now. My conclusion is that we just have to enjoy the simple things for a while and that richness comes from building solid friendships (of all sorts). Impressed your taking control so effectively.

PWD welcome! You sound v wise and like you have some experience of making things better so I admire you for that. Your planning ahead suggestion is so right. When i know I've got something on the on my own time doesn't feel so daunting somehow and when there's nothing planned I feel a bit panicked.

Red I did some of the paperwork but managed to go for a walk on the North Wales coast with a close friend plus was invited to dinner but my now exes best man and his partner. Ended up a v late one so am shattered today but thoroughly enjoyed the evening. They are such genuine people. It's slightly ironic that the best man is more caring than my ex.

Well it's chucking it down out here but I am determined to still head out, for a while anyway. Might even go crazy and make a lemon drizzle cake later.

Someone mentioned about volunteering, the national trust have loads of volunteering oppos for all abilities.

Gaia2014

Thank you Newlifer... definitely need to work building solid friendships. I wish I could shake of this need to hibernate though. I'm fine at work (literally the real me), but come the weekend, I just want to hide away. I wish I could carry the real me (at work) into my personal life. I guess I have a role at work, whereas at the weekend I don't have one. Maybe that's a good reason to find another role be it voluntary work or something else.

You sound like you've had a nice weekend. The weather has been quite remarkable for the time of year. I've had quite a productive weekend. Sorting out paperwork (finances etc) and doing odd jobs around the home. I've also managed to fit in a treat (eggs benedict on toast in al ocal restaurant). Don't usually pay for breakfast out (especially whilst I'm trying to pay off debts). But, sometimes you just have to do these things (once in a while) :A. I've also treated myself to a bag of giant chocolate buttons from the fridge (best served chilled). It's the little things... .

Have a good week everybody.

Newlifer

Ooh Gaia your fridge contents sound better than mine, chocolate just doesn't stay in mine for long! Eggs benedict is just delish, pleased you had something nice. You got out too so well done.

After a social few days I've been a bit of a hermit today as just so tired plus rather conscious I've spent a bit too much for this time in the month so need quite a few no spend days to compensate. Been reading the frugal living sites for inspiration. Didn't learn much but no harm reinforcing what I know I guess. I did at least make some bread and the promised lemon drizzle cake ready for visitors.

Am thinking of getting my bike out and actually using it to shop (been an idle promise to myself for a while). Would help my waisteline plus save petrol. Not sure I'm ready for Lycra mind you!

Having listened and taken on board the advice to not turn down social opportunities I've allowed myself to be coerced into a 2 month free series of hockey sessions. I'll probably be rubbish but I'll meet new people plus I didn't want to let my friend down. They are in May and June so might be fun. Making myself do things now in an attempt to get some confidence back. I read somewhere to just fake confidence initially and just get out and do things, eventually I will feel confidence coming back for real, I'll give it a go anyway.

Gaia it does sound like you would benefit from a weekend routine that includes some structured social interaction so do give it a go. You have a good week too!

Gaia2014

Thanks Newlifer... your lemon drizzle cake is making my mouth water. i love cake (any cake) just not very good at baking 'em lol. No patience . I would love to be more of a domestic goddess though... my mum is a great cook, wish I was. If I had a family I would definitely make more of any effort I think...

Hockey sounds fun... team sports are fantastic social outlets I hear and of course you get all of those endorphins pumping. Great stuff!!

Well, I'm about to go to sleep. Working tomorrow. Have a good week .

hostie

Join meetup.com and then join free groups in areas that interest you. Most of the events on the meet up groups I go to are free and just cost the price of a drink wherever they are held (some people don't even do that).

When you meet someone new that you like, ask if they want to meet for coffee sometime or come round to your house for coffee.

Ask for their number or if you can connect to them on Facebook.

Invite new friends round to your place for a pot luck dinner where everyone brings something to share. Don't be embarrassed by your place, people will be interested in you and flattered that you like them enough to invite them to your home.