Tips for maintaining friendships whilst paying off debts

katherinedrex

Gaia2014, it may incur initial outlay but what about keeping in touch with your true friend via Skype or FaceTime. I do this with my cousin who I really miss as we live at opposite ends of the country. It is worth it compared to feeling lonely and becoming down which then affects your aim of getting DF.

koselur

If you like animals you could do dog walking or something like that? Not hugley time consuming, but you will be amazed at the amount of people you get chatting to at the park - my mum has made loads of mates this way - they go for a walk and a coffee at the park cafe.

I don't know which part of London you live in but there are so many free events and museums in London that you would just need to pay travel to get to/price of a coffee once you are there. The obvious ones are the big museums in central London (British museum V&A, etc) but you could also check out the Southbank Centre website - http://www.southbankcentre.co.uk/ - if you go to their 'what's on' pages you can search by free events (be warned - even though they are free a lot will need booking anyway!). Also worth having a look on the TimeOut website (again you can search by free events).

Once the weather gets nicer you can go on walks and have picnics. I know it isn't the countryside but there are loads of interesting walking groups in london (google it - too many to link to) - this could also be a good way to meet like minded people as some of them are specialist interest i.e. looking at specific architecture, specific age groups etc.

I lived in London as a student so I know you can definitely socialise there on the cheap!

I would also echo other people's sentiments - it can feel tough but keep yourself going - true friends will stick by you regardless.

sugarbaby125

Sometimes we just outgrow friendships. Try to decide what are the leisure pursuits that you really enjoy, then sit down to work out ways of doing those leisure activities for less or even for free where possible.

I am an avid Tesco shopper and as I am also a prepayment dual fuel customer with Eon, I collect Clubcard points with Tesco and reward points with Eon which I also convert to Clubcard points. I convert my Clubcard points to deals vouchers for local restaurants, so that I can enjoy good meals out at nominal cost, as I do not drink alcohol, as I never developed the taste for it. I use my Clubcard points to get a Family and Friends Railcard, so that visiting my eldest son and daughter, my grandson and 3 granddaughters is affordable.

I have loyalty cards for Superdrug, the Co-Op, Morrisons, Boots, Iceland and a Nectar Card, so I am not slavishly devoted to Tesco. I became debt free in 2014 and I have £1,400 in Savings at 52 years old and was dismissed from my full time job 4 weeks ago. I am struggling not to feel too down, but signing on for JSA was humiliating but necessary, as I needed to make a claim for Housing Benefit and Council Tax Benefit, before my Savings are too depleted. My Savings were supposed to pay for my 1st ever family holiday with my 14 year old son, this August, but now we just have to concentrate on keeping ourselves afloat until I get another job.

I keep reminding myself of all the things in my life that give me real happiness, like my 4 children and 4 grandchildren, my love of reading and writing, (which I now have plenty of time for), going to the Theater or Cinema (free, courtesy of See Film First), watching television, visiting Museums and other free Tourist attractions. I am enjoying walking more, to save money on using my Oyster card. I love, love, love Karaoke and it is a cheap night out for me (2 bottles of water max) and I meet so many interesting people of all ages and cultures, while having a very inexpensive great night out.

Being in debt is depressing, but try to look forward to your debt free day and stay focused on finding new ways for you to have a social life that is within your budget.

Gaia2014

Thank you for all the lovely replies - it actually feels quite overwhelming. You all seem such lovely people and have given some very sound advice/tips...

I do realise I have 'functional depression' which is part of the reason I struggle to just get out there and find a hobby/volununtary work/fitness programme. The spirit is willing but the flesh (or mind is weak) .

However, I know I will reach a point where I HAVE to do something to save my sanity. Spring feels like a good time to start. Sometimes it's just much easier to stay indoors with my cat than to face the outside world. I go to work each day though and funnily enough am like a different person (confident, funny, chatty etc). Pity I can't transfer those skills to my person life

To be honest I've been down before, but this feels different. More like a mid life crisis. I think it is convenient to blame my mood on my debts. Although they are clearly part of it. They will be hopefully paid off next August. So it more about other stuff... e.g friends moving on/settling down/having children etc. I don't have any children (yet). I hope there will be an opportunity for me to be somebody's mother one day. But, I digress...

Thank you each and every one of you for taking the time time to reply. As for my 'friends'. I would like to be open and honest with them but I struggle with the shame with being in debt, which doesn't help. Most of my friends are better off than me because they have well off parents or have come by money through a bereavement (which is obviously something I wouldn't wish on anybody). My point is that their circumstances are different and friendships IMO tend to flourish through shared experiences (the true friendships anyway). I definitely need to meet more people from different walks of life!

Anyway, I hope you are all having a nice evening

JasX

Gaia2014 wrote: »

I live in Greater London.

If you fancied being a little socially adventurous/expansive try meetup.com, lots of fairly jolly groups either around "free/cheap but social things to do in London" or particularly hobbies / other activities.

Newlifer

I hope you don't mind me joining in to this discussion? This is v first ever post! Gaia I completely understand where you are coming from. My husband of 20 years announced 2 weeks ago that he wants a divorce and I've already received a solicitors letter so he's clearly been planning this for a while. He actually moved out just before Christmas and I have really struggled with the loneliness. I even feel lonely when around others on occasion, not with friends but when around strangers.
I am naturally a v positive person but have been knocked for six by it all. I have decided that the best/only sensible way forward is to make the best of my new single life. I am going to have to move locally and will have a large mortgage to contend with. I work full time but my salary is modest so I aknow now that funds will be challenging to stretch far enough. I've never had to manage household finances before other than food costs so feel rather daunted by it all. The other big challenge is how to create/sustain a social life at a time when joint friends have started to take sides (despite neither of us saying anything negative about each other to them). So I've lost quite a few. I do have a small group of v decent friends mostly who are relationships. Not all local. I live in Cheshire. It is really interesting to read others suggestions so far. I'm thinking of doing/have done the following:
Got myself a cat-someone to cuddle in the difficult early mornings and evenings
Started to ask friends to go on regular walks with me
Am offering to help friends with various things-trying to be to others how I'd like them to be with me. Giving favours without any expectation back.
Started to bake the odd cake and invite friends round to eat it.any excuse for human contact.
When I see an elderly person I give them a huge smile- had some lovely ones back which in turn made me feel good
Am going to bed much earlier. Can cope much better when not too tired.
Am eating mostly super healthily
Id like to join a social group of some sort but can find local one.
I am trying to one v constructive thing each day so hopefully the cumulative impact with build to something good.
I'm considering going on a volunteering holiday where you work for free in return for free board and lodgings hoping to meet others.
Sorry for such a long post. Will try and be a bit slicker next time!

Newlifer

Mm don't know how a football appeared by my name. Clearly need to change something! Can anyone tell my how I make this discussion a favourite or tag it somehow?

QueenBeruthiel

Welcome Newlifer. You'll find plenty of help and support on these boards.

If you go to the dark green bar at the top of the thread, and click on "thread tools" it will give you the option to "subscribe to the thread".

JasX

Newlifer wrote: »

IThe other big challenge is how to create/sustain a social life at a time when joint friends have started to take sides (despite neither of us saying anything negative about each other to them).

+1, That's a similar situation to the one I found myself in after escaping my evil Ex (of only 5 years but the aftereffects of half your communal friends going one way and the rest the other was the same...)

Since then I have found several new crowds and even co-run a couple of social 'group' type things based around slightly geeky hobbies I have...

It doesn't happen over night but as you slowly run into people you socially click with things kinda come together over time

Good luck

Gaia2014

Welcome Newlife and sorry to hear about the breakdown of your marriage. Very tough. I was only in my relationship 5 years. But, my parents divorced after 30 years and understand the utter devastation and disbelief that follows. Time is a great healer and it is greater that you have taken such positive steps to keep the loneliness at bay.

Cats are great. I have one myself. Great company and cuddles I would be totally lost without mine. I hope to find an OH in the not too distant future. Not quite ready yet though. One step at a time. Need to get out of this rut I'm in first... It's difficult when you're a natural introvert (not loner) to join groups etc.. Funnily enough these things came easier to me in my 30's. Ironically I could pass as an extrovert at work, which I find difficult to understand. It's almost like I have a role at work and I don't have to just bring 'me' to the table (warts and all). Don't know if that makes sense :eek:

Again, great suggestions on the board and thanks for all the support. It's a shame we don't all live in the same area . Cheshire is a lovely part of the UK Newlifer. Sometimes I crave moving away from the South. But, I do love my job, which counts for a lot.