Tips for maintaining friendships whilst paying off debts

[Deleted User]

Just wanted to nip in know as how hard it can be about babies, take heart, you've been with someone before, you'll get with someone again, there is always time

I've said it before ages ago now, but f-book for friends and least keeping in when times are hard and you don't want to see anyone are just as good, I have as many a 'friend' on that even from the past who I probably wouldn't have kept in touch with y'know without so still feel privileged xx

RosaBernicia

Hi Gaia

Lots of good thoughts from people here. I am just getting to the end (hopefully) of my debt journey and my social life is picking up a bit, mainly because I can now afford to go to more events and also spend time with the people I really like but who don't live nearby. I have a few friends locally but most of my support network is scattered around the country.

I found that letting trusted people know a bit about my situation helped, because it meant I didn't feel I had to make other excuses. So far they've all been brilliant and very supportive - though none of them were the bragging type in the first place. I do have a few friends who have been much helped by family but they are not at all smug about it and in one case I have to refuse to let them pay for dinner every time and insist when it's my turn!

The other thing I am doing now and wish I'd done earlier is to schedule in weekends in advance. I've been rubbish at this and am getting fed up of finding I get to the weekend and go 'yay it's the weekend, what shall I do, oh er everyone's made plans, reading it is then'. Could you perhaps arrange to visit or meet up with your good friends once in a while, even if it's just a day out or to crash over at theirs and giggle over wine til the early hours? Walking group sounds great and also have you thought about volunteering - that's a way of meeting a bunch of people regularly where you all have an interest in common.

I think you're right about your mood making it harder - and I do understand where you're coming from - so it might be that you want to focus on feeling better first, and maybe you'll find new friends in the process


Rosa xx

Gaia2014

Thanks. I know I will find someone in the future. This is an element of once bitten etc... but every relationship is a learning curve IMO. My ex didn't want children and if it wasn't for that we'd probably still be together ambling along... even though I didn't particularly feel fulfilled at times. I'm pretty independent in many respects, but I do miss the company of a SO and a family unit... Hopefully, one day.

In the meantime, I need to work on my mood start meeting new people and then start thinking about dating again... Once I start to see my debts go down will be a big boost as well... :cool:. Looking forward to the warmer weather too because I'm sure I have symptoms of SAD.

With regards to FaceBook - I tend to dip in and out of that. Very useful for staying in touch and useful filters for those posts I don't particularly want to see. I think this Forum/MSE in general is great. I wish I'd discovered it sooner.

I hope everyone is doing ok in your own particular situation. This journey is really hard at times and it's easy to get caught up in the what ifs... not helpful, but can happen from time to time. I think my social circle is quite limited to a certain bunch of people who I don't have an awful lot in common with anymore (probably never did if I'm being honest)... I need to surround myself with positive people and those that have had to work hard to achieve their goals, not those who have been handed it on a plate in some respects... not horrible people, just not in a position to 'get it'.

Hope everybody is having a good evening/weekend.

FatVonD

Gaia2014 wrote: »

Mixture of circumstances and lonliness but also regret about mynaivity with regards to finances in my 20's. Feel like I'm never going to catch upnow and the thought of throwing my hard earned money into private renting for the rest of my career depresses me.

You're not alone there, we've all made stupid mistakes in the past (that's probably why we're all here!) but there's nothing you can do to change the past but you *can* change the future.

GaleSF63

Next time you can't afford to do something - say so!

You might be surprised to find you aren't the only one in your circle who is struggling. Some people may even be getting into debt to keep up. Or there may be those who are relieved that they don't have to try and keep up with the more wealthy ones.

And invite them for coffee if you want to. It's the most natural thing in the world, whatever one's circumstances. You can apologise for the cramped sitting space if you wish, but NOT for the fact it's just coffee and as you put it, toilet stop.

You will find out who your friends really are; there may be more of them than you think.

uncreative

^^ I would absolutely agree with this.

Most people to be honest are looking to save money nowadays. Coming up with some innovative ideas about doing things more cheaply, or a better way of putting it "getting more value" is key. I used to spend a load of money on nights out but now that has completely changed. I dont spend anything like what i used to, and I have cut down inghts out a lot which I am sure we were all looking to do but no one wanted to be the first one to say it.

I can tell you right now that i say we are saving hard for a house deposit and people definitely understand. I do make sure that I go along and make an effort, but i drive, thus saving taxis for the rest. Its about the company you keep and the friends you have rather than how much you can keep up with other people.

We are all on a financial journey. Friends that are "able" to spend more are either:

1) Still not at their LBM yet and racking up debt
2) At a different stage to you on their post LBM and pre DFM
3) Are now Debt Free and able to spend a bit more now they are successfully managing a budget.
4) In a rare minority that are blessed with inherent good financial sense

FatVonD

You could sign up to do mystery shopping with one of the companies that rate a lot of the food establishments and get yourselves a partially paid for meal out.

I was recently meeting a friend for coffee anyway but spotted the option to revue a chain in her town so we made it lunch instead. The reimbursement and fee didn't quite cover both our meals and drinks but covered most of it (I think I got back about £18 of it) and we split the extra £7.

FatVonD

Another thought, you could get yourself a free/working holiday at one of the festivals if that's your kind of thing. I don't think stewards get paid (you just get free entry and workers camping area/shower blocks etc) but the Worker's Beer company pay an hourly rate. You have to work a couple/few shifts (depending on how long the festival is) and then the rest of the time is your own. If you persuade a friend to do it with you they will try to put you on the same shifts so you have free time together.

Edited to add link:

http://www.efestivals.co.uk/info/jobs.shtml

katy_ann

I know exactly how you feel, I'm in the same situation, even if you go to a friends house for the evening, if you take your own drinks/nibbles and only pay for a taxi then that is a cheap, social night out Looks for free things in your area, going out for walks, when my friends want to go shopping and I'm skint I just look around and say that theres nothing I want and save my money for a starbucks with them

QueenBeruthiel

Where do you live Gaia? I mean which area, not exactly where.