Elderly parents and taxis

tea_lover

OP, this may be a silly question but has your Dad ever used a taxi? Does he know how to? He may not know how to book one, how they charge etc (in addition to not wanting to spend the money).

I have a real fear of situations where I don't know what I'm doing.

ETA: can you get a taxi with him at some point (without having to put yourself out/miss work to do so). Maybe if he sees how easy it is to book, that they pick you up from the door and drop you off exactly where you need he'd be happier to do it again himself next time.

Flugelhorn

having got south welsh connections,

I wonder if the "taxis aren't for people like me"

actually means "what will people think if I haven't got family running around after me?"

securityguy

Primrose wrote: »

Security Guy, One day you will be old and vulnerable yourself and hopefully by then you will have developed a little more sensitivity for the feelings of those people who cared for you when you were young and vulnerable. .

I'd hope that I would have the sensitivity to realise that a four hour car journey is insane when the alternative is using a taxi, and that people wouldn't pander to me. My parents and in-laws are in their eighties, and wouldn't dream of asking others to do what they could organise themselves for a fiver. And no-one is doing them any favours in pandering to them.

I doubt that your mother was using taxis all the time and then stopped in old age; I suspect they never did, but became used to other people running around after them.

margaretclare

[quote=[Deleted User];67958886]Thanks all. Surprised hes not alone. Some good ideas here though.

To explain his attitude I think. In his head, our family is firmly working class and normal and as such, we should know our place and not get involved in stuff that richer people get involved in. This means certain things are for 'other' people not us peasants - there's a whole host of things you should never pay for because its not for normal people. Taxis, cleaners, accountants, solicitors, lots and lots.Very very small-minded is my dad with a small town mentality.

Does my head in sometimes. I'm proud of where I'm from but dont consider myself a peasant like my Dad does lol. (I'm university educated, run my own business etc).

Why wont he spend his money? I used to think it made him comfortable to see how much he had but recenty realised he doesnt realy know how much he has anyway. Speaking to him he always harps on about when he was young he didnt have anything (we come from a welsh valleys mining family) so he doesnt want to 'waste' money now.

I've tried and tried its just nuts. I could tell you some stories about his lack of spending that would make your ears bleed lol.

One example. Few weeks ago had puncture. So he asked me (as always) so how much did that cost you? £200 Dad two new tyres. His answer - you must have more money than sense paying that, I wouldnt pay that. What!!!!! The car wont go far on two wheels will it? And no car I cant get to work to earn money and I certainly cant ferry you around.

It just astounds me sometimes how little clue he has.[/QUOTE]

Yes, Paul. Others have commented re the 'age thing' or the miserliness aspect of it all. I agree with your point. I think it's to do with an outdated sense of social class.

People nowadays do not - thank goodness! - talk about 'knowing your place' and 'it's not for us' meaning, not for our stratum in society. I used to hear it when I was growing up, and I'm probably of your Dad's generation. I'm rural working-class by origin.

One example I never forget is being out with my Mum in York - as she died in 1975 this must have been the late 60s or early 70s. There's a very famous institution in Yorkshire called Betty's - York, Harrogate and a few other towns. She wanted a cup of tea. We were very close to Betty's of York. I suggested going in for afternoon tea. It's not cheap but it's beautiful quality, that's their signature. Mum recoiled. 'It's not for us'. She wanted beans on toast at a little cafe near the bus station. 'Not for us'. I can hear her saying it now.

Primrose

[QUOTE=securityguy;67963013

I doubt that your mother was using taxis all the time and then stopped in old age; I suspect they never did, but became used to other people running around after them.[/QUOTE]

No, my parents spent most of their lives running round doing things for elderly relatives or neighbours in difficulty so it probably never occurred to them their their children would not help them out in old age when they got beyond able to do some things for themselves.

cte1111

margaretclare wrote: »

People nowadays do not - thank goodness! - talk about 'knowing your place' and 'it's not for us' meaning,

One example I never forget is being out with my Mum in York - as she died in 1975 this must have been the late 60s or early 70s. There's a very famous institution in Yorkshire called Betty's - York, Harrogate and a few other towns. She wanted a cup of tea. We were very close to Betty's of York. I suggested going in for afternoon tea. It's not cheap but it's beautiful quality, that's their signature. Mum recoiled. 'It's not for us'. She wanted beans on toast at a little cafe near the bus station. 'Not for us'. I can hear her saying it now.

This story rang such a bell with me! A couple of years ago we took my MIL out to lunch at Betty's for her birthday. She was absolutely horrified and sadly I don't think she enjoyed it. Despite living in a town with a Betty's for decades, she had never been there, because that wasn't for 'people like them'. I wish it were true that this attitude had disappeared but it seems not.

I thought it would be a nice treat but evidently not, guess I should have asked her where she wanted to go (probably the garden centre) rather than planning a surprise!

My FIL also asked my husband to make a 250 mile round trip to take him to the airport not long ago. Bearing in mind that my husband works full time and we have two children and generally busy lives, I was pretty annoyed that he expected him to give up a big chunk of his weekend in order to avoid paying for a taxi, let alone the cost of the petrol, but it seems like this is part of the same mindset.

theoretica

Not a taxi, but my granddad has telephoned me exactly once in my life - and it's not just me. He will sit there forlornly saying he hasn't heard from someone for ages and when I suggest he calls them he says oh no - but if I ask if I should it is go ahead and pass the phone over.

Wilma33

Are you sure it's about the money and not a confidence thing? Maybe get a taxi with him so it sees how it works. He might think "that wasn't so bad!".

securityguy

Primrose wrote: »

No, my parents spent most of their lives running round doing things for elderly relatives or neighbours in difficulty so it probably never occurred to them their their children would not help them out in old age when they got beyond able to do some things for themselves.

They spent their lives driving two hundred miles to help people get their hair cut? Didn't they have jobs?

gettingtheresometime

margaretclare wrote: »

Yes, Paul. Others have commented re the 'age thing' or the miserliness aspect of it all. I agree with your point. I think it's to do with an outdated sense of social class.

People nowadays do not - thank goodness! - talk about 'knowing your place' and 'it's not for us' meaning, not for our stratum in society. I used to hear it when I was growing up, and I'm probably of your Dad's generation. I'm rural working-class by origin.

One example I never forget is being out with my Mum in York - as she died in 1975 this must have been the late 60s or early 70s. There's a very famous institution in Yorkshire called Betty's - York, Harrogate and a few other towns. She wanted a cup of tea. We were very close to Betty's of York. I suggested going in for afternoon tea. It's not cheap but it's beautiful quality, that's their signature. Mum recoiled. 'It's not for us'. She wanted beans on toast at a little cafe near the bus station. 'Not for us'. I can hear her saying it now.

Whilst I can totally understand what you're saying I do think that its a mixture of a generational and location thing.

Up to say my generation (I'm in my 40's) it was exceptional for someone to go to University from our area (I'm guessing I don't live too far from the OP) and if they did then it was a big thing. Even now if someone goes to Oxford or Cambridge then its still considered a big thing.

As someone said there may also be a 'keeping up appearances' thing going on.