Elderly parents and taxis

ljonski

Why didn'#t you order it for her yourself?

AmyTurtle

In my experience with my grandparents and parents, the more you do for someone, the more they expect you to do. As they get used to someone else doing tasks for them, they lose the confidence to do it themselves.
I can be guilty of not saying "no" to people enough but had to put a stop to it a few months ago when I realised I was shattered every weekend because I was spending every weekday evening running round after family members. My mum lives 2 roads away and expected me to turn up whenever she demanded because "you're only round the corner" no matter what I was doing. When I started saying no to my mum she threw a few strops but seems to have got over it and now accepts I'm happy to help her with things at a mutually agreeable time, but will not hotfoot it round there every time she calls.
My advice is to very clearly explain that you cannot take the day off, provide your dad with a taxi number and the cost of the journey the day before so he has the opportunity to go to a cashpoint if necessary then let him get on with it. If you don't you'll be setting a dangerous precedent.

longforgotten

My MIL takes taxi's and enjoys it. She sees it as a treat. She lives in Brum and the taxi service she uses has special rates for pensioners.


My Mum on the other hand would never dream of taking a taxi on her own because she would not have the confidence. Her heart misses a beat when she hears the cost of just about anything these days.


The OP's Dad does have the confidence to go out, so he needs something to give him the incentive to go out and be willing to pay to get there. Maybe Xmas and birthday presents to him could be in the form of an account with a local taxi firm.........

Armchair23

For someone who's elderly and maybe not keeping up with rising costs a £20 cab fare was once a weeks wage and kept a family.

If they ever had a car it was probably £4 to fill it up with petrol and age and infirmity make it easy to forget things just aren't the same any more.

It's absolutely fair enough to say you can't just rush around to pick them up , and that your time and petrol have a value. And you have a lot of other calls on your time. It's also fair enough to say NO to things firmly and loudly (and repeatedly).

If you're elderly and frail you worry about everything, how will I know what car I should get into, will it know where to go, should I sit in front or back,what happens about money, is it safe, am I supposed to talk or shut up ?

But I don't think there's any need to be so unsympathetic and downright rude. If you've got an elderly parent it doesn't come as a bolt out of the blue that they are getting on and might not be able to cope. I think you're getting old at the same rate whether you've noticed or not.

Your choice whether you help, you may be lucky enough to get old, the alternative is dying young. See how it feels to be treated like a burden, and maybe have to rely on others for things you'd like to do yourself. It's not a great thing for anyone involved.

sillyvixen

my grandad was in his 90's when he died and the only time he would take a taxi was to get home on Christmas evening - he loved spending Christmas with us but preferred to go home to his own bed - he did recognize that unfair to expect someone stay under the drink drive limit to drive him 5 miles home... having said that my parents used to slip the driver a decent tip to help him from the car park to his park home at the top end of the site with his pressies and the mountain of food Mum sent home with him.
He would not have dreamed of booking a taxi any other day of the year!!

Brickwall

amistupid wrote: »

The only time my dad will pay for being transported by car is at his funeral.

I sat with my dad and arranged his funeral with him, he wouldn't pay for the family car, he actually said that because the bus stop was right outside the crem we could all get the bus there, lol! When he died sorting and paying for a car was the first thing I did.

Portia82

My MIL will never take a taxi. She never learnt to drive- late husband "wouldn't let her", and she is very reliant on others.

That said, she moans about the cost of everything and pleads poverty. I was so concerned years ago that I looked into her getting council tax benefit. Turned out the reason she wasn't eligible was that she was sitting on over £200k of savings. My sympathy evaporated very quickly!

roddydogs

But wont most of you moaning about their Mum & Dad stand to inherit a nice pile when they go?

[Deleted User]

Thanks all. Surprised hes not alone. Some good ideas here though.

To explain his attitude I think. In his head, our family is firmly working class and normal and as such, we should know our place and not get involved in stuff that richer people get involved in. This means certain things are for 'other' people not us peasants - theres a whole host of things you should never pay for because its not for normal people. Taxis, cleaners, accountants, solicitors, lots and lots.Very very small-minded is my dad with a small town mentality.

Does my head in sometimes. I'm proud of where I'm from but dont consider myself a peasant like my Dad does lol. (I'm university educated, run my own business etc).

Why wont he spend his money? I used to think it made him comfortable to see how much he had but recenty realised he doesnt realy know how much he has anyway. Speaking to him he always harps on about when he was young he didnt have anything (we come from a welsh valleys mining family) so he doesnt want to 'waste' money now.

I've tried and tried its just nuts. I could tell you some stories about his lack of spending that would make your ears bleed lol.

One example. Few weeks ago had puncture. So he asked me (as always) so how much did that cost you? £200 Dad two new tyres. His answer - you must have more money than sense paying that, I wouldnt pay that. What!!!!! The car wont go far on two wheels will it? And no car I cant get to work to earn money and I certainly cant ferry you around.

It just astounds me sometimes how little clue he has.

[Deleted User]

Portia82 wrote: »

My MIL will never take a taxi. She never learnt to drive- late husband "wouldn't let her", and she is very reliant on others.

That said, she moans about the cost of everything and pleads poverty. I was so concerned years ago that I looked into her getting council tax benefit. Turned out the reason she wasn't eligible was that she was sitting on over £200k of savings. My sympathy evaporated very quickly!

Wow. £200K. My Dad is much less than this. Although it'll last him a thousand years!