Not competitive

Yorkie1

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I can understand someone not wanting to do something because they don't fancy it or don't enjoy it, but the OP says she enjoys climbing and board games, so I don't understand why if you're doing something you enjoy, why would you not give it your best shot and want to win/push yourself to do better?

Why does everything have to be about 'bettering yourself'?

Why can't someone, in their own spare time, just be themself? I absolutely loathe playing monopoly because it gets so competitive. Must I force myself to do something against my nature just because someone else can't understand my perspective?

It seems that OP can't win. She gets told by her OH that nobody wants her to be there because she doesn't play to 100% competitiveness, which ruins it for everyone else (which I personally doubt it does - that sounds just like a child saying that everyone else has the latest piece of IT in an attempt to blackmail a parent into buying it for them). So she takes the OH at his word and says she's quite happy not to be there and spoil it for everyone else. And gets criticised for that too. If she isn't being a performing seal, against her nature, then anything else is unacceptable.

Mojisola

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I can understand someone not wanting to do something because they don't fancy it or don't enjoy it, but the OP says she enjoys climbing and board games, so I don't understand why if you're doing something you enjoy, why would you not give it your best shot and want to win/push yourself to do better?

Why not just enjoy the day's climbing - the type of rock under your hands, the changing view as you get higher, the qualities of the different moves, the sight of minature plants growing in a tiny accumulation of soil, the feel of your muscles as you change position - be in the moment!

No need to make it competitive.

Georgiegirl256

Yorkie1 wrote: »

Why does everything have to be about 'bettering yourself'?

My own opinion on this is that if I enjoy doing something, be it a sport or a quiz/game, and I get to a certain score/level, then next time I play it I want to better that score. Just for my own personal sense of achievement. If I don't then I won't beat myself up about it, and I'm not a sore loser. Just offering up a different perspective in how the OP's husband maybe views things. Like someone else mentioned, surely that lack of a competitive nature has always been there though, so why is it suddenly been picked up on now?

Why can't someone, in their own spare time, just be themself? I absolutely loathe playing monopoly because it gets so competitive. Must I force myself to do something against my nature just because someone else can't understand my perspective?

The OP apparently enjoys playing board games though. So my point is, what is the point in playing if you don't want to win? Board games by their very nature are competitive. If she's coming across as not bothered about the game, then she's also maybe giving off a vibe of not being bothered about their company and looks like she was doing something else. Obviously I'm just surmising, but her DH and friends have obviously picked up on something.

It seems that OP can't win. She gets told by her OH that nobody wants her to be there because she doesn't play to 100% competitiveness, which ruins it for everyone else (which I personally doubt it does - that sounds just like a child saying that everyone else has the latest piece of IT in an attempt to blackmail a parent into buying it for them). So she takes the OH at his word and says she's quite happy not to be there and spoil it for everyone else. And gets criticised for that too. If she isn't being a performing seal, against her nature, then anything else is unacceptable.

I agree, I think the husband has been abit OTT with what he's said to the OP. To make her feel "like a horrible person who ruins everyone's fun" is not on, and for that alone he should apologise. It seems like there's more to it that not being competitive in playing board games though.

Georgiegirl256

Mojisola wrote: »

Why not just enjoy the day's climbing - the type of rock under your hands, the changing view as you get higher, the qualities of the different moves, the sight of minature plants growing in a tiny accumulation of soil, the feel of your muscles as you change position - be in the moment!

No need to make it competitive.

I agree regarding the rock climbing. Like I said in a previous post, I wouldn't really class rock climbing as a competitive sport, and maybe it's just the OP's manner in how she comes across, her attitude to things which has set the husband off?

What a lovely description above btw! Makes me want to go rock climbing!

Mojisola

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I agree regarding the rock climbing. Like I said in a previous post, I wouldn't really class rock climbing as a competitive sport, and maybe it's just the OP's manner in how she comes across, her attitude to things which has set the husband off?

What a lovely description above btw! Makes me want to go rock climbing!

A lot of people do, though. Being the first to make a climb, setting out a new (usually harder) route, free climbing where most people use aids, continuing with a climb through adverse weather conditions, etc, are regular boasts when the macho crew get together.

Rambosmum

Rock climbing for my OH and friends is mainly a competition to 'beat the wall'. Can they reach the top, do the difficult move. Which I'm not that interested in, I just like being outdoors (or indoor when we are there), the feel if the rock, learning a new hold, doing a tricky move which shows me muscles I didn't realise I had. I just prefer to do those at 2 meters off the ground rather than 10 and I do not enjoy doing them at 10meters, where I do at 2meters, whether I can do them at 10meters or not is irrelevant to me- I feel no sense of achievement at pushing myself to go beyond where I am comfortable.

I think he see my lack of competitiveness as me being bored. When I'm not. I like to learn a new board game by being shown, during the game (having been given a brief over-view) where as he prefers to know the ins and outs of the whole game before we start- I find it hard to visualise that way and get a bit lost, where as it makes sense when were actually playing and I remember it better. He thinks this is a waste because there's no way I can win if I don't know the tiny ins and outs, but I don't expect to win on my first go!

I think he see's me not pushing myself as me giving up. When actually I'm not, it is just how he would feel if he didn't push himself. I just don't enjoy pushing myself, I'm content with what I can do. And if I enjoy it I'll naturally get better just by doing it more, not by continually trying to achieve things which are not me, which makes me miserable and not enjoy the thing I'm doing.

Kaye1

As a teacher, your last post made me notice something interesting.


Different people learn in different ways- quite often, not always, boys like to learn in a physical way. For example, if you had a long piece of text, a suggestion for boys would be to cut it up and work on it by moving it around, drawing on it, sticking it up etc etc.


Girls, on the whole, are able to sit and learn about it. (I stress, not always- just as a generalisation.) And it is age dependent too.


It sounds that you know the best way for you to learn for yourself, which is a good thing.


Your OH seems to go at it full on (which is his way) whereas you prefer a more considered, organic learning experience. It is a positive thing that you know the best way for you to learn.


What I am trying to say that learning isn't a one size fits all experience. And this applies to new skills, games etc.

Gloomendoom

Mojisola wrote: »

A lot of people do, though. Being the first to make a climb, setting out a new (usually harder) route, free climbing where most people use aids, continuing with a climb through adverse weather conditions, etc, are regular boasts when the macho crew get together.

I used to be a member of a mountaineering club but I found that some people liked to introduce an element of competition. I didn't like it as I have very little competitive spirit. I had to pick my climbing partners carefully but graduially I ended up doing general mountaineering and ski mountaineering on my own. I found it much more enjoyable to be able to move at my own pace.

VestanPance

I must admit I'm most definitely a Type A personality, which means I've very goal driven and competitive. I know I'd be very fustrated with someone who appeared not to care about the things they are doing, or who gives up easily.

Errata

I just prefer to do those at 2 meters off the ground rather than 10 and I do not enjoy doing them at 10meters, where I do at 2meters, whether I can do them at 10meters or not is irrelevant to me- I feel no sense of achievement at pushing myself to go beyond where I am comfortable.

It's not surprising if your OH gets narked if you prefer to fiddle about at 2 metres, or even 10 - indoors or out. I can't see how either of those heights can really be classed as having any kind of go at rock climbing except for new beginners.
I think you need a new rock climbing buddy or give it up altogether.