Not competitive

Soleil_lune

OP, if you are being honest, do you think the 2 of you are compatible? Reading between the lines, I am not so sure. You may have been at one time, but are you now?

And as someone said earlier, surely you have always been the same? Why is he only bothered by you now?

If you're not going to change (and there is no reason you should,) and he is going to get irked by you every time you don't measure up to his 'ideal,' then I can only see stress, tears, and gloom and doom ahead for you.

Armchair23

Why should you fake it ?

I find Monopoly one of the most mind numbing events ever, you can have my hotels ,thingies, whatever, anything that gets this done faster is good as far as I'm concerned. So yes I'm not the best person to play Monopoly with, I just don't care !

Some people are competitive whether it's 'winning' at something or being tallest, fastest, anything, they just NEED to win.

Some people save their competitive streak for things that matter to them, that's me. It's not that often but when it matters to me I'm keen and focused and I don't give up easily.

So I think it's a bit more to do with what matters to you rather than how competitive you are.

All that said, arguments or 'discussions' often end up being centered around subjects they really have nothing at all to do with.

Obviously your husband had got a problem at the moment, whether it's with you or with him who knows ?

Sounds like there's going to a bit of talking needed in the Rambosmum household.

Best of luck sweetie !

Rambosmum

So I spoke to him this evening.

He feels that I just give up and don't try. That by not [appearing to] giving it my all I'm not trying hard enough and this an issue for him and for the others (whether he has actually asked the others remains to be seen).


I'd like to point out at this point that I win and lose as often as the others around the table, more than some. There is no decernable difference in how I appear to play which then caused him to attribute my wins as 'luck', which I guess it is, but only as much as anyone elses given the statistics.


He is refusing to apologise and doesn't seem to understand how much this has hurt me.

The other friends we play with are equally competitive, we also climb with them and generally do most things as a group, which makes things a bit difficult, everything is one up manship and barbs at times.

I'm not sure we are compatible if I'm honest. I've had said we were - we like trying new things, travelling and films but I didn't realise this was such a big issue for him, I thought the last time we spoke out it cleared the air and that was the end of it.

I don't see why I should change quite a big part of me for him.

He's made me feel as though my friends don't like me doing things with them an that I'm a horrible person who ruins other people's fun.

GaleSF63

"He can't see things from other people's point of view, he never could."

"He's made me feel as though my friends don't like me doing things with them an that I'm a horrible person who ruins other people's fun."

That is probably either his imagination or applies to one or two of your friends at the most. He will be thinking that they all react in the same way he does.

Golightly72

Rambosmum wrote: »

That by not [appearing to] giving it my all I'm not trying hard enough and this an issue for him and for the others (whether he has actually asked the others remains to be seen).

This just seems like such an odd thing for him to say! Why would it be an issue for him - really, if you win or lose, how does that affect him?

It's as if he sees you as part of his team (whether you are playing on the same side or not), not two individuals playing, and if he's really competitive I suppose he doesn't like 'his' team not doing their all to win.

That really is his issue though, not yours, and I can see why you would find his comments really hurtful. Like you, I'm not competitive; I don't really care if I win or lose, and even if someone might think of that as a negative, I can also see the negative side of really caring if you lose.

I would just caution taking his word for it that your friends are affected by your lack of competitiveness - sometimes people say ' and all our friends think this too' to try and back up their argument when they don't actually know if that's true.

Jagraf

My ex wasn't just competitive, he was envious of others.

He wanted to do things that her saw were trendy, and didn't like it when I wasn't interested in the same things, eg, I hated skiing.

He told me I gave up too easily.

I met my now husband, and he just thinks I'm brilliant at everything.

greenval

This reminds me of the 'opposites attract' thing. I've just never got it.
I'm not sure the stereotypes of 'testosterone driven ' men are always true either. I'm female but a typical driven type A personality . I don't think either of you should have to change, we are what we are but I can see why unless you truly accept and value each others strengths it could become really irritating to each of you

barbarawright

I didn't even realise that climbing could be a competitive sport...

sparkiemalarkie

Rambosmum wrote: »

The other friends we play with are equally competitive, we also climb with them and generally do most things as a group, which makes things a bit difficult, everything is one up manship and barbs at times.

I'm not sure we are compatible if I'm honest.
I don't see why I should change quite a big part of me for him.

He's made me feel as though my friends don't like me doing things with them an that I'm a horrible person who ruins other people's fun.

How would he be on the side of a football pitch if you had children together?


sparkie

Georgiegirl256

barbarawright wrote: »

I didn't even realise that climbing could be a competitive sport...

I wouldn't have thought it would have been classed as a competitive sport either, so it makes me wonder whether the OP's husband isn't so much annoyed about her lack of competitiveness, rather he views her as somewhat lackadaisical, and that's where his annoyance is coming from?

I can understand someone not wanting to do something because they don't fancy it or don't enjoy it, but the OP says she enjoys climbing and board games, so I don't understand why if you're doing something you enjoy, why would you not give it your best shot and want to win/push yourself to do better?