Not competitive

Mojisola

Is there any chance that he's met and been attracted to someone who is a lot more competitive than you and realised that he enjoys that element in a relationship?

Or has he just plain met someone else and is trying to find reasons to break up? Much easier for him to blame you rather than admit that he's the one who is straying.

tea_lover

Mojisola wrote: »

Is there any chance that he's met and been attracted to someone who is a lot more competitive than you and realised that he enjoys that element in a relationship?

Or has he just plain met someone else and is trying to find reasons to break up? Much easier for him to blame you rather than admit that he's the one who is straying.

That's quite a leap. The lack of trying would annoy me too, doesn't mean I'm cheating!

Mojisola

tea_lover wrote: »

That's quite a leap. The lack of trying would annoy me too, doesn't mean I'm cheating!

But something has changed in their relationship - what he accepted for is irritating him to the point that he is making Rambosmum feel bad about what is just part of her personality.

It's worth exploring all the options.

Asking the question isn't saying that it's so.

purpleshoes_2

If you dont want to go to an organised games night with friends, you don't need to go. It wouldn't be my thing.

Regarding Zumba, speaking as someone who used to teach and do zumba classes, I can think of many occasions where I went along to masterclasses and didn't know where to put my feet, because the choreography was new to me. Its normal to go to a class and to take a few weeks to pick up routines. In that situation where I felt that I had to step out, Id take the instructor aside at the end and say something, because when you are up there, you aren't thinking, that person is struggling, you are thinking, !!!!, they hate my class.

Also, it can sometimes take a while to find an instructor who teaches the way you like. Ive gone to classes where instructors have taught an identical programme, but someone has been better in the delivery.

Im not massively competitive. When Im tested at the end of a bootcamp I like to beat my previous scores, but Ive done triathlons, 10ks, half marathons and Im happy just to get to the end, that's achievement enough for me.

The fuss that your husband is making about relatively small matters, I think there's more to it.

As for rock climbing, speaking as someone who is terrified of heights, anyone who goes rock climbing has my utmost respect.

Life isn't a competition as far as Im concerned and if you aren't that way minded, you have the right not to be competitive, would be a very boring world if we were all the same.

Georgiegirl256

Rambosmum wrote: »

Rock climbing for my OH and friends is mainly a competition to 'beat the wall'. Can they reach the top, do the difficult move. Which I'm not that interested in, I just like being outdoors (or indoor when we are there), the feel if the rock, learning a new hold, doing a tricky move which shows me muscles I didn't realise I had. I just prefer to do those at 2 meters off the ground rather than 10 and I do not enjoy doing them at 10meters, where I do at 2meters, whether I can do them at 10meters or not is irrelevant to me-

I think he see my lack of competitiveness as me being bored.

I think he see's me not pushing myself as me giving up.

To me, that's the whole purpose of rock climbing, to get to the top, to try out a new move to enable you to get to the top perhaps. I don't see it as a competition as a race to the top to beat your climbing buddies, instead to work as a team, helping each other with a difficult move if needs be, and then the overall objective....to reach the top. To me if someone is only going to go up 2 metre it's pointless. Maybe you'd be more suited to hill walking? I too can see why your husband would be annoyed with your seemingly lack of effort and interest.

The two lines I've quoted from your post above is how you are coming across to me too....an outsiders point of view.

Mojisola

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

To me, that's the whole purpose of rock climbing, to get to the top, to try out a new move to enable you to get to the top perhaps.

To me if someone is only going to go up 2 metre it's pointless.

I too can see why your husband would be annoyed with your seemingly lack of effort and interest.

You enjoy doing something one way - do you think that is the only way?

I could understand the OH getting cross if the OP was trying to make him hold back and do things the way she does but she's not - he can do things in a way that gives him pleasure and she wants to do them in a way that suits her.

VestanPance

Mojisola wrote: »

You enjoy doing something one way - do you think that is the only way?

I could understand the OH getting cross if the OP was trying to make him hold back and do things the way she does but she's not - he can do things in a way that gives him pleasure and she wants to do them in a way that suits her.

She's right though. The point of rock climbing is to climb and conquer the climb. Testing yourself and overcome any doubts you have in your ability.

Climbing two metres is more a small child leaping a wall!

Mojisola

Rambosmum wrote: »

Rock climbing for my OH and friends is mainly a competition to 'beat the wall'. Can they reach the top, do the difficult move. Which I'm not that interested in,

I just like being outdoors (or indoor when we are there), the feel if the rock, learning a new hold, doing a tricky move which shows me muscles I didn't realise I had. I just prefer to do those at 2 meters off the ground rather than 10 and I do not enjoy doing them at 10meters, where I do at 2meters, whether I can do them at 10meters or not is irrelevant to me- I feel no sense of achievement at pushing myself to go beyond where I am comfortable.

VestanPance wrote: »

She's right though. The point of rock climbing is to climb and conquer the climb. Testing yourself and overcome any doubts you have in your ability.

For you - but not for Rambosmum.

purpleshoes_2

Doing any sport is for the outcome you want it to be, not to be the best at it.

If someone feels more comfortable doing certain moves at 2 metres rather than at 10 metres that's entirely up to them.

It's not as if someone is training in an elite sport, they are trying to do something they enjoy.

For example, I don't like running, but I'll run the odd 10k to challenge myself.

There are people who can run the course twice as fast as I can, if we were to take the view that you don't do something unless you are proficient at it I might as well just stay in my bed than do the race.

Plus, who says everyone has to tackle everything they do with effort?

You'll get people who walk charity 5k races because they can't run them, its not always about being fantastic at everything you do.

She doesn't need to be made to feel that shes failing because shes not a carbon copy of her very competitive husband and friends.

A mountain out of a molehill and his reaction is bordering on bullying.

Georgiegirl256

Mojisola wrote: »

You enjoy doing something one way - do you think that is the only way?
.

No, of course not. It's just that I can see where the husband is coming from.

By the time you get your climbing gear on etc and then to go up only 2 metres! 2 metres is no height at all! I wouldn't really class that as having a go. But that's just my own personal opinion. For someone who'd never done it before maybe? But for someone who's done it before, then that to me isn't really trying, and abit pointless. But, I guess if it makes the OP happy then that's all that matters. Just pointing out that I can totally understand the husbands frustration at what might come across as being bored and giving up.

If that is the OP's approach to everything, then I can totally understand the annoyance and how it comes across that she's not overly bothered.