Renovations and Repayments.

AlexLK

Goldie: My wife knows what my thoughts on her parents are, can't say she's happy about it and we've had a few arguments because of it. Often I cannot face they too are my son's grandparents. Sad, really.

I ought take back my comment and admit it was written because I was annoyed by Gally's comment. My Mother-in-Law isn't too awful when by herself, she's a kind person but she and I still have our differences.

gallygirl

AlexLK wrote: »

I ought take back my comment and admit it was written because I was annoyed by Gally's comment. My Mother-in-Law isn't too awful when by herself, she's a kind person but she and I still have our differences.

i suspect because it was too close to the truth for comfort!

AlexLK

I suspect you're right, Gally. I've been up all night, unable to sleep thinking about this. It's my fault we don't make an effort to see them, I can see why they think I'm a *****. My son is getting older and I don't really want this to carry on. Whether I like it or not, they're my wife's parents; suppose they did a better job than mine in many ways.

Son has gone to cousin's today as I've got a meeting with a customer. Can't see this working out well, to be honest.

Goldiegirl

It'd be good for your son to have a relationship with both sets of grandparents


Cut your in-laws some slack, and be nice to them. They are probably only asking 'dumb' questions because they know it winds you up! If you treat them nicely, then they're more likely to treat you nicely. Just laugh off any barbs, when they see it's not having the desired effect, they'll soon stop.

AlexLK wrote: »

Moving would not just mean being mortgage free (£1,000 per month saving counting overpayment) but being council tax free, utilities free, money not having to be spent on work to the house or upkeep of it. I think it would save us in the region of £1,500 - £1,750 per month to live in a much nicer place. As this is the money SAVING expert, I think it makes fiscal sense.

I was so surprised to read your comment about your in laws, I forgot to comment on this.


I've been a member of this forum for nearly three years, and I've seen a lot of strange, crazy and ludicrous behaviour being justified, by way of being 'money saving'. Moving back to your parents is way up there with the most bonkers justifications that I've read about.


Deep down, you must know it's not the right thing to do.


By this point, most wives would have told their husbands, in the monst blunt and direct way possible, to drop this idea and to never mention it again. If Mrs K hasn't done this yet, then she's a saint!


I know you have a lot to think about, but if you drop the moving back to the big house thing, then it's one thing off your plate.

maman

Goldiegirl wrote: »

I've been a member of this forum for nearly three years, and I've seen a lot of strange, crazy and ludicrous behaviour being justified, by way of being 'money saving'. Moving back to your parents is way up there with the most bonkers justifications that I've read about.


Deep down, you must know it's not the right thing to do.

I've heard of it happening when people are absolutely skint or being evicted or want to save for their own place or relationship has broken down and one partner needs a home but not just to avoid 'normal' financial responsibilities and be mortgage free in your early thirties!


I'm so sorry to hear you had (another) sleepless night Alex. I do believe that you start thinking this way when you're not well both with the black dog and this week with your man flu too. I suppose it's normal to want to be looked after when you're feeling down and moving back to your parents would mean you were protected in many ways.


The LittleK scenario is harder to understand. I suppose we all want to give our families at least as good an uprbringing as we had ourselves so the fact that you and MrsK don't have the income to buy LittleK an enormous house and send him to an independent school from 3-18 is failure in your eyes so your suggested solution is to beat yourself up about it and let your parents provide it instead.


Personally I'd question your values as to what's important. I think LittleK is better off living with his mum and dad (and visiting all grandparents occasionally) and being brought up to stand on his own two feet.


Do try to get out and about this week as much as you can. The fresh air will do you good and having missed LittleK dreadfully since he started school enjoy your time with him.:)

Goldiegirl

maman wrote: »

I've heard of it happening when people are absolutely skint or being evicted or want to save for their own place or relationship has broken down and one partner needs a home but not just to avoid 'normal' financial responsibilities and be mortgage free in your early thirties!

yes, in those scenarios moving in with the parents is ok, but it's a temporary thing, not a forever thing!

AlexLK

Goldiegirl wrote: »

It'd be good for your son to have a relationship with both sets of grandparents

Cut your in-laws some slack, and be nice to them. They are probably only asking 'dumb' questions because they know it winds you up! If you treat them nicely, then they're more likely to treat you nicely. Just laugh off any barbs, when they see it's not having the desired effect, they'll soon stop.

I agree, .

Was talking to wife this morning about the upcoming birthday party and her parents. Apparently, they want to be a part of my son's life. I'll admit I'd rather they were not interested but I suppose the time has come for me to be an adult about this.

Goldiegirl wrote: »

I was so surprised to read your comment about your in laws, I forgot to comment on this.


I've been a member of this forum for nearly three years, and I've seen a lot of strange, crazy and ludicrous behaviour being justified, by way of being 'money saving'. Moving back to your parents is way up there with the most bonkers justifications that I've read about.


Deep down, you must know it's not the right thing to do.


By this point, most wives would have told their husbands, in the monst blunt and direct way possible, to drop this idea and to never mention it again. If Mrs K hasn't done this yet, then she's a saint!


I know you have a lot to think about, but if you drop the moving back to the big house thing, then it's one thing off your plate.

In a lot of ways I think it would be the right thing to do. We'd save A LOT of money, be able to give my son a better home and give my parents some company.

My parents are quite lonely and last week my wife had to visit them after dinner every day because I wasn't well and didn't want them to get ill. She was literally not at home because my parents would keep her until it was time for her to go to bed. If we lived with them, we wouldn't have the daily visits lasting for hours upon hours because we'd be there. I go there everyday to listen to my father tell me about the past and bemoan the current state of our country. Today I've been there for lunch and to listen to father tell me about declining levels of respect to the elderly all because someone parked too close to my mother's car when she went into town.

AlexLK

maman wrote: »

I've heard of it happening when people are absolutely skint or being evicted or want to save for their own place or relationship has broken down and one partner needs a home but not just to avoid 'normal' financial responsibilities and be mortgage free in your early thirties!

I'm so sorry to hear you had (another) sleepless night Alex. I do believe that you start thinking this way when you're not well both with the black dog and this week with your man flu too. I suppose it's normal to want to be looked after when you're feeling down and moving back to your parents would mean you were protected in many ways.

The LittleK scenario is harder to understand. I suppose we all want to give our families at least as good an uprbringing as we had ourselves so the fact that you and MrsK don't have the income to buy LittleK an enormous house and send him to an independent school from 3-18 is failure in your eyes so your suggested solution is to beat yourself up about it and let your parents provide it instead.

Personally I'd question your values as to what's important. I think LittleK is better off living with his mum and dad (and visiting all grandparents occasionally) and being brought up to stand on his own two feet.

Do try to get out and about this week as much as you can. The fresh air will do you good and having missed LittleK dreadfully since he started school enjoy your time with him.:)

I hate living here. Sometimes I face it, get on with the work that needs doing to the place and try to pay down the mortgage but it's all in the hope that once it's done my wife will accept that the most important thing is to give our son the best we can. However, I've realised paying the mortgage off won't happen for a number of years and if we leave it until then to move our son will have grown up.

We don't need the extra money we'd save but it'd mean we'd have a better life, go away a few times per year and perhaps afford to do something like race an MGB.

AlexLK

Son had a horsey day with my cousin today. Has been hard work though as he's fallen to sleep. Maybe I need to start getting involved with their work? :rotfl:

Tomorrow we're going to have a day out walking, just son, dog and I. Hope the weather isn't too bad, if it's not very nice I think I'll have to come up with something else. Really don't have the energy to be planning lots of days out like I did over summer but we'll go somewhere towards the end of the week. Meant to be having a Halloween party here on Saturday, to be honest I don't know whether I can face it or not.

Seems we've come to the time year when it's dark by 5pm . Hope parents haven't got used to evening company or we'll be getting a 'phone call after dinner, wife has already said she's done her good deed for the year. :rotfl:

Have managed to do some prep towards a piece of old furniture that I'm going to be selling, so hopefully I'll see back a little profit to put into savings at some point soon. Also been thinking about what people on here have said about moving. Quite difficult really as maman is right, I just want my son to not be the "poor kid" or to be stuck in state education. A part of me doesn't want to have to rely on my parents' money but I don't think there's another way for me, unfortunately.

smallholdingsister

I agree with your wife, on this occasion.

Great fresh air work in the horsey world.

State education is bloody brilliant Alex. Private education is not without it's problems.