Renovations and Repayments.

kelpie35

Alex, I do not think you are doing your son any favours by not allowing him sweets, watching tv or having any interaction with any form of IT.

How is he going to be able to interact with peers when he does not know what they are talking about.

Do you or your wife allow him to use your mobiles?

There is so much they can learn from the internet if controlled properly.

I really think you need to socialise and interact with "normal" parents and start to live in the "real world"

newgirly

Yes we do earn less than your lower figure of £3500 Alex

Goldiegirl

AlexLK wrote: »

This is a bit of an eye opener, I suppose as I thought most of you were better off than Mrs K and I.

I think many people on this forum are very skilled at money management, so it seems as if they have a lot of money, to make overpayments and to live their lives. But in reality, the majority are average earners, who make the money stretch a long way.


Believe me, you're not roughing it on £3500 PM !

AlexLK wrote: »

My main issue with staying here is the fact my son will not have a connection to the house we shall eventually live in. If he's grown up by the time we move there, he won't see that house as "home".


I don't want my son to be exposed to iPads or sweets, is that so wrong?

I think you have a fairly unique vision of 'Home'.


For most people, home is where you live with your family. Most people move house at least a couple of times in their life, to a house that they had no previous connection with, and turn it into a home.


'Home' is not the house you grew up in. In fact if my husband thought of 'home' as where he lived as a boy with his parents, I'd be very upset. Home is where he lives with me.


On the sweets and iPad front. You can't control your son forever. He's taking his first steps into the world by himself, so he will meet other children who might offer him a sweet or let him have a go on their iPad.


It's obviously best that he doesn't eat sweets all the time, but occasionally isn't going to do him any harm.


As for iPads - surely in this day and age computer skills are an essential, and to be learnt at the earliest possible age. I think you're putting him at a disadvantage by not 'exposing' him to technology.

A_Frayed_Knot

Seems, you've caused quite a stir;
I can't really see how anyone can live independently on £1,900 per month,.Sorry, i've not backtracked to see if you've posted a soa ?? I don't normally advertise figures on here, but this has got me going, try just over 25% of the above figure, once bills are off, and no addition to savings pot/ef/or anything else........... I don't class myself as "poor" but probably compared to most on here .. that's what I am, and if I can do it, anybody can.


I know that likely makes me sound 'out of touch' with the 'real world'.

Sorry, have to agree, but you have just had your LBM, Have you read any other diaries ??



On the other side of it, of course, is your parents. Could you maybe arrange 2 days a week, spread apart, and when leaving remind them that you have .. such and such to do tomorrow night, so will see you ... night. ?
Or even have them over to yours one night, make them dinner?? or are they able, you could ask them to pick you up some shopping,(milk, bread or a chicken) just to keep them busy (sounds like they have spare time on their hands). May be way off track here, but we're all just trying to help you sort out a situation you have.

AlexLK

Bluefire wrote: »

Granted there's only two of us (and the cat!) but we live on less than £800 a month, covering all bills, shopping etc. The rest of our income is dedicated to repaying a family debt & overpaying the mortgage. Living on £1,900 would be great!

That must be really difficult.

I don't think we're very good at keeping to a budget, to be honest. I did it for a bit when I had debts and my wife decided I was to have no access to money, it was really hard and I couldn't do it again.

maman wrote: »

Not wrong at all but you aren't going to be able to keep them away from them for ever. It's better that he had a small taste (pardon the pun) occasionally then they'll be no big deal when he can make the choice for himself. As for the ipad (other similar appliances are available) then you're on to a loser. I'd even go as far as to say that not having computer skills will disadvantage him.

I ought clarify, my son has eaten a sweet before now. It's something he's allowed as a treat on special occasions. Sweets will be available for Halloween this weekend. However, I don't want sweets to be eaten on a regular basis. My In-Laws seem to fill their grandchildren with sugar and son was offered sweets and chocolate there today. I told them that was something he had on special occasions only.

Can't really see how computers will benefit him until he's writing essays in senior school and possibly needs access to the internet?

hiddenshadow wrote: »

Our total expenses are £2,813.40/month which already includes a mortgage OP of £572.30 (we shortened our term by 11 years with our refinance). If you don't count that OP and scrap travel (insane London costs) and pet insurance (old dog + 3 other pets) our expenses would be about £1,910 - that includes allowances for each of us, eating out, and other non-essential spending, so we'd manage quite well on that. My goal is to bring that number down a bit so far we can OP the mortgage even more next year.

(2 adults, 2 dogs, 2 cats in our household.)

Our biggest expenses are the mortgage followed by petrol, daren't admit how much we spend on that on here! We don't calculate what we spend. I once tried when I was in debt, it didn't last for long and I often bought things that I didn't want to admit to.

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

That must be really difficult.

I don't think we're very good at keeping to a budget, to be honest. I did it for a bit when I had debts and my wife decided I was to have no access to money, it was really hard and I couldn't do it again.



I ought clarify, my son has eaten a sweet before now. It's something he's allowed as a treat on special occasions. Sweets will be available for Halloween this weekend. However, I don't want sweets to be eaten on a regular basis. My In-Laws seem to fill their grandchildren with sugar and son was offered sweets and chocolate there today. I told them that was something he had on special occasions only.

Can't really see how computers will benefit him until he's writing essays in senior school and possibly needs access to the internet?

I'd have thought you taking him to visit the scummies was a very special occasion!!:rotfl:


https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/239033/PRIMARY_national_curriculum_-_Computing.pdf


I think you need to get up to speed on what's taught in schools nowadays. Aside from learning about using them they are a tool for almost every subject across the curriculum.

AlexLK

kelpie35 wrote: »

Alex, I do not think you are doing your son any favours by not allowing him sweets, watching tv or having any interaction with any form of IT.

How is he going to be able to interact with peers when he does not know what they are talking about.

Do you or your wife allow him to use your mobiles?

There is so much they can learn from the internet if controlled properly.

I really think you need to socialise and interact with "normal" parents and start to live in the "real world"

I've clarified the sweet situation. As for watching TV, we don't have a TV and I'm not going to spend £500+ to buy one and the £150 per year licence fee for my son to sit watching mind numbing programmes. My wife used to like watching trash TV of an evening but after a month without it she realised there are better ways to spend time. Every now and then we do watch a little TV at my parents' house. I do not believe computers or mobile 'phones are for children. We all spend far too much time in our adult lives being contactable 24/7.

Frankly, there's more to talk about than TV and computers. My son plays and listens to lots of music (not just "Classical"), reads (or I / Mrs K read to him) lots of varied books. He loves being outdoors, has a big interest in wildlife and does horse riding. We take him to castles, museums, parks and to places of local interest. Can't really see how there's not enough to talk about with peers there.

newgirly wrote: »

Yes we do earn less than your lower figure of £3500 Alex

Your overpayments are doubly impressive then, NG.

Goldiegirl wrote: »

I think many people on this forum are very skilled at money management, so it seems as if they have a lot of money, to make overpayments and to live their lives. But in reality, the majority are average earners, who make the money stretch a long way.

Believe me, you're not roughing it on £3500 PM !

Don't really know how people do it, to be honest.

Goldiegirl wrote: »

I think you have a fairly unique vision of 'Home'.

For most people, home is where you live with your family. Most people move house at least a couple of times in their life, to a house that they had no previous connection with, and turn it into a home.

'Home' is not the house you grew up in. In fact if my husband thought of 'home' as where he lived as a boy with his parents, I'd be very upset. Home is where he lives with me.

My parents turned their house into a home with the intention of passing it down to future generations. Therefore, I cannot see our current house as 'home'. Giving my son a home that will always be there and will be passed to him is very important to me. I suppose this is old fashioned but it is the way I was raised. Mother is from a farming family that have passed their house and business from one generation to the next for many years.

Goldiegirl wrote: »

On the sweets and iPad front. You can't control your son forever. He's taking his first steps into the world by himself, so he will meet other children who might offer him a sweet or let him have a go on their iPad.

It's obviously best that he doesn't eat sweets all the time, but occasionally isn't going to do him any harm.

As for iPads - surely in this day and age computer skills are an essential, and to be learnt at the earliest possible age. I think you're putting him at a disadvantage by not 'exposing' him to technology.

I know he's taking his first steps into the world by himself, I also know any control I have as a parent will gradually slip away. I have sleepless nights over the future because I don't want him to ever know what it's like to not want to live.

He will learn how to use a computer at school and should he need to use one at home, he will have access to one. To learn basic Microsoft Office, email and how to effectively use a search engine isn't a difficult skill to learn.

AlexLK

A_Frayed_Knot wrote: »

Seems, you've caused quite a stir;
I can't really see how anyone can live independently on £1,900 per month,.Sorry, i've not backtracked to see if you've posted a soa ?? I don't normally advertise figures on here, but this has got me going, try just over 25% of the above figure, once bills are off, and no addition to savings pot/ef/or anything else........... I don't class myself as "poor" but probably compared to most on here .. that's what I am, and if I can do it, anybody can.


I know that likely makes me sound 'out of touch' with the 'real world'.

Sorry, have to agree, but you have just had your LBM, Have you read any other diaries ??



On the other side of it, of course, is your parents. Could you maybe arrange 2 days a week, spread apart, and when leaving remind them that you have .. such and such to do tomorrow night, so will see you ... night. ?
Or even have them over to yours one night, make them dinner?? or are they able, you could ask them to pick you up some shopping,(milk, bread or a chicken) just to keep them busy (sounds like they have spare time on their hands). May be way off track here, but we're all just trying to help you sort out a situation you have.

I don't really know enough information to write an SOA. I did one when I was in debt (and we had a lower income) but it was not even close to accurate and I didn't want to admit to my parents paying some of my bills at the time, or to my business being used as a cash machine. Both have stopped. Also, didn't want to admit the amount of petrol we use. Yes, I know it's a high amount (don't need to be reprimanded about it) but both my wife and I are interested in cars.

I read diaries on here and everyone seems to be either making overpayments or investing their money. Everyone seems to be doing well.

Regarding my parents I'm going to go there one evening per week, probably to be told they wish Daniel Barenboim was playing piano instead. I go there in the daytime practically everyday and can't see that changing. Unfortunately, they are lonely. They spent their working lives and beyond working very hard and have no friends. Father isn't particularly well but my mother is active.

AlexLK

maman wrote: »

I'd have thought you taking him to visit the scummies was a very special occasion!!:rotfl:

https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/239033/PRIMARY_national_curriculum_-_Computing.pdf


I think you need to get up to speed on what's taught in schools nowadays. Aside from learning about using them they are a tool for almost every subject across the curriculum.

:rotfl: That would depend on your definition of "special", maman. It wasn't an occasion I particularly want to ever repeat, I'll admit I had a drink tonight in the hope I'd forget it. Not worked, still awake.

:eek: To the computing curriculum.

A_Frayed_Knot

AlexLK wrote: »

Regarding my parents I'm going to go there one evening per week, probably to be told they wish Daniel Barenboim was playing piano instead. I go there in the daytime practically everyday and can't see that changing. Unfortunately, they are lonely. They spent their working lives and beyond working very hard and have no friends. Father isn't particularly well but my mother is active.

Could you get them interested in any type of hobby, crafts, painting(the easel kind), baking,(maybe you could ask for a certain cake for your visit), jigsaws, even a pack of cards, what were they interested in years and years ago, reading? watching films?(maybe not, if you don't like tv) did they have a particular talent, that they would like to do again, or even advise folk on their specialised knowledge. Most grandparents love to pass on knowledge and family information to their grandchildren.


You mentioned your mother drives, could they go a run (in the car, that is:)) into town (have lunch).


Hope you stick to your guns and get into a routine that works for you all.:)


As for your son and computer - you really don't want him to get left behind. If I don't know how to do something on the computer (i'm very basic, self taught, and way, way behind:o) and ask someone else who doesn't know, they usually tell me to ask a 5 year old, the same with my mobile(basic, again), i'll say i don't know how to do that, i'll get the same answer, ask a 5 year old, they'll show you:D.