Renovations and Repayments.

littlegreenparrot

Please try to properly consider how your wife might be feeling about this plan.

You are suggesting that she move into a house that she has no emotional connection with. Whilst it might be 'home' in your head, it sounds like 'home' for her is the home you have built together.

It seems unlikely that she would be able to/or feel comfortable to change things round in your parents house to suit her preferences, and therefore it would always be simply a house. And maybe a house where she has not always been made to feel especially welcome or comfortable.

It doesn't really matter whether you feel she has cause for this, or if anyone has done it deliberately, you cannot simply dismiss it.

Although I understand being mortgage free would be great, it doesn't seem that your finances are so desperate that you have to do this. I am also baffled as to why you would want to remain so dependent on your parents. Surely there is pride in having your own space, and providing for your family.

If nothing else could you not think of your current home as a long term property investment? You get to live in it, and bring it up to standard, when and if you have to move in with parents because of their health it is then in a good state to rent out?

If my husband was telling me that the home we had worked hard on and I was proud of wasn't good enough, it would make me very unhappy. Not everything is about the bottom line.

mum2one

Bluefire wrote: »

My step-father worked at Cosford for most of his life as part of the contracted service companies. I bet he'd have had some great behind the scenes stories for you if only he were still around.

If you're travelling down this far it might be worth staying the night & visiting Ironbridge the following day? I had many wonderful days out at Blists Hill Victorian Town as a child, and quite possibly one to Enginuity as an adult...

Another vote for cosford and Blists Hill Victorian town, make a stop at the bakery, the bread is baked on site, its lush, and the butchers for pork pie...
x

smallholdingsister

Alex you are simply not being reasonable in bringing this up with Mrs LK repeatedly.

However lovely your parents in your eyes, no one actively chooses to live with their in laws having been independent.

Has Mrs LK suggested YOU move in with them if you are so keen?
I am afraid I would, however loving a wife.

maman

littlegreenparrot wrote: »

If my husband was telling me that the home we had worked hard on and I was proud of wasn't good enough, it would make me very unhappy. Not everything is about the bottom line.

You knew you wouldn't get sympathy/agreement for your plan on here Alex. While your motivation of your son growing up in the big house with large grounds and a steam train sounds admirable it's really not necessary to make LittleK happy. He sounds happy enough in his normal size home with his mum and dad. There may come a day when you have to move in to look after your parents because of ill health but you aren't there yet.


I've probably been as vociferous as anyone else in my criticism of MrsK on here but, at the same time, I'll fight her corner where I believe she's in the right. I think the fact that she goes to your parents' home every Sunday for lunch is admirable but living with them is just a step too far. You rarely visit her parents and it would seem the reason why is that you don't feel welcome there and seem to think that because she has other siblings then her parents don't miss her. She seems to accept that but you seem very reluctant to see her point of view on moving in with your parents.


It must be very hard for you trying to come to terms with paying your own way in life when you could just rely on inheritance. It's not a situation the majority of us can empathise with.


In the 'real world' (much overused term) MrsK's situation is much more normal. In fact it would seem much more in line with your parents' view of the world. She has worked hard and continues to do so for what she's got. She deserves praise for that and is, I'm sure, justifiably proud of what she's achieved. I admire her for sticking to her guns. If you're not careful, LittleK will end up believing that it's OK to just expect everything handed on a plate without working for it too. That's the superior mindset of those horrid Hooray Henrys (another overused term sorry:o). Personally I despise them as much as I do benefit scroungers.

newgirly

Sorry you have not been feeling ok Alex, forgive me if I am being too intrusive but does you feeling low coincide with those times you feel you have to move back to your parents? maybe it' a tempting way to ease all your pressures.
But if your dw is not keen you would be just swapping one set of worries for another (potentially more stressful) problems.


I guess it comes down to just one issue , who is more important if you have to choose, your parents or wife?


Hope you have a good half term with littlek, don't worry about having nothing planned, sometimes that's where the best day's come from!

AlexLK

littlegreenparrot wrote: »

Please try to properly consider how your wife might be feeling about this plan.

You are suggesting that she move into a house that she has no emotional connection with. Whilst it might be 'home' in your head, it sounds like 'home' for her is the home you have built together.

It seems unlikely that she would be able to/or feel comfortable to change things round in your parents house to suit her preferences, and therefore it would always be simply a house. And maybe a house where she has not always been made to feel especially welcome or comfortable.

It doesn't really matter whether you feel she has cause for this, or if anyone has done it deliberately, you cannot simply dismiss it.

Although I understand being mortgage free would be great, it doesn't seem that your finances are so desperate that you have to do this. I am also baffled as to why you would want to remain so dependent on your parents. Surely there is pride in having your own space, and providing for your family.

If nothing else could you not think of your current home as a long term property investment? You get to live in it, and bring it up to standard, when and if you have to move in with parents because of their health it is then in a good state to rent out?

If my husband was telling me that the home we had worked hard on and I was proud of wasn't good enough, it would make me very unhappy. Not everything is about the bottom line.

I do consider her thoughts and feelings on the matter, that is why we're still living in this house.

Moving would not just mean being mortgage free (£1,000 per month saving counting overpayment) but being council tax free, utilities free, money not having to be spent on work to the house or upkeep of it. I think it would save us in the region of £1,500 - £1,750 per month to live in a much nicer place. As this is the money SAVING expert, I think it makes fiscal sense.

Personally, I see my 'own space' as being a reflection upon my own failure to 'provide' for my family. It's not an awful property and could make a nice home for somebody.

Can't see me renting the house out, to be honest. If the mortgage was paid (:rotfl:), I'd sell the house and buy two smaller houses which would be easier to rent and generate slightly more income. Admittedly, the better condition the house is in, the more it will sell for!

mum2one wrote: »

Another vote for cosford and Blists Hill Victorian town, make a stop at the bakery, the bread is baked on site, its lush, and the butchers for pork pie...
x

Thanks, mum2one.

smallholdingsister wrote: »

Alex you are simply not being reasonable in bringing this up with Mrs LK repeatedly.

However lovely your parents in your eyes, no one actively chooses to live with their in laws having been independent.

Has Mrs LK suggested YOU move in with them if you are so keen?
I am afraid I would, however loving a wife.

She hasn't always been nice about it.

My biggest motivation isn't for my parents at this moment in time as they get on OK without my help but for my son.

AlexLK

maman wrote: »

You knew you wouldn't get sympathy/agreement for your plan on here Alex. While your motivation of your son growing up in the big house with large grounds and a steam train sounds admirable it's really not necessary to make LittleK happy. He sounds happy enough in his normal size home with his mum and dad. There may come a day when you have to move in to look after your parents because of ill health but you aren't there yet.

I've probably been as vociferous as anyone else in my criticism of MrsK on here but, at the same time, I'll fight her corner where I believe she's in the right. I think the fact that she goes to your parents' home every Sunday for lunch is admirable but living with them is just a step too far. You rarely visit her parents and it would seem the reason why is that you don't feel welcome there and seem to think that because she has other siblings then her parents don't miss her. She seems to accept that but you seem very reluctant to see her point of view on moving in with your parents.

It must be very hard for you trying to come to terms with paying your own way in life when you could just rely on inheritance. It's not a situation the majority of us can empathise with.

In the 'real world' (much overused term) MrsK's situation is much more normal. In fact it would seem much more in line with your parents' view of the world. She has worked hard and continues to do so for what she's got. She deserves praise for that and is, I'm sure, justifiably proud of what she's achieved. I admire her for sticking to her guns. If you're not careful, LittleK will end up believing that it's OK to just expect everything handed on a plate without working for it too. That's the superior mindset of those horrid Hooray Henrys (another overused term sorry:o). Personally I despise them as much as I do benefit scroungers.

Can't say I really understand why the money saving expert thinks my plan isn't a good one but, yes, I know many on here don't approve.

My son is happy here, he calls it home. It concerns me that if my wife and I waited until after we've paid the mortgage to move, our son will have grown up and be less connected to my parents' house.

Sometimes my wife goes to see her parents on her own. I'm more than happy for her to do that. They are quite a bit younger than my parents and have been nothing but rude and disrespectful to both my family and I. According to Father-in-Law, I'm a "Hooray Henry" :rotfl:. However, he clearly doesn't really know the meaning of the term as he's aware my father grew up almost as dirt poor as he did. As a consequence, I can't say I like my son spending much time with them. Quite frankly dreading them coming to my son's party and am considering having a separate day when we'll go to see them.

I am proud of my wife and she knows this. As for my son expecting to have everything handed to him, I do not want that to happen. He will value money and not think it grows on trees. I realise that caused me a lot of trouble and so do my parents. They don't really spoil my son in the way they did when I was young, they give him their time. To be honest, there are times when I still treat money as if it grows on trees. However, I also acknowledge my family hardly have an endless supply of it and I want to ensure whatever fortune is one day passed to me isn't just wasted.

newgirly wrote: »

Sorry you have not been feeling ok Alex, forgive me if I am being too intrusive but does you feeling low coincide with those times you feel you have to move back to your parents? maybe it' a tempting way to ease all your pressures.
But if your dw is not keen you would be just swapping one set of worries for another (potentially more stressful) problems.

I guess it comes down to just one issue , who is more important if you have to choose, your parents or wife?

Hope you have a good half term with littlek, don't worry about having nothing planned, sometimes that's where the best day's come from!

I suppose it doesn't help. I don't know why I'm not good enough to do as well as my parents did and that hurts.

Inclined to agree with you about the best days sometimes coming from having nothing planned. We had a great day today, nothing planned but decided to take a trip to Carsington Water after lunch. Ended up having a really nice afternoon.

gallygirl

AlexLK wrote: »

Can't say I really understand why the money saving expert thinks my plan isn't a good one but, yes, I know many on here don't approve.

It's all about taking responsibility for your own life and finances instead of looking to others to provide for you.

AlexLK wrote: »

Sometimes my wife goes to see her parents on her own. I'm more than happy for her to do that. They are quite a bit younger than my parents and have been nothing but rude and disrespectful to both my family and I.

Sounds like they treat you and your family in exactly the same way you and your family treat them?

AlexLK wrote: »

He will value money and not think it grows on trees.

How? By setting the example of moving into your parents house and letting them pay for everything? How will that stop him drifting aimlessly and expecting you to foot his bills?

AlexLK wrote: »

I don't know why I'm not good enough to do as well as my parents did and that hurts.

I think it's down to two things:
1. You don't HAVE to do as well because they've made all the money you will need - no incentive for you to do so, the 'curse' of inheriting money which is why the likes of Richard Branson won't be passing on their money to their children.
2. You're not prepared to sacrifice your relationship with your son to pursue monetary goals - and quite right too when you look at how your upbringing affected you.

AlexLK

gallygirl wrote: »

It's all about taking responsibility for your own life and finances instead of looking to others to provide for you.

Put that way, it does make me sound like a spoilt child.

gallygirl wrote: »

Sounds like they treat you and your family in exactly the same way you and your family treat them?

Not really. My In-Laws are uneducated oiks that throw unfounded insults around and ask very dumb questions on a regular basis.

gallygirl wrote: »

How? By setting the example of moving into your parents house and letting them pay for everything? How will that stop him drifting aimlessly and expecting you to foot his bills?

We don't spend a lot of money on presents and toys. I will not be giving him large sums of money when he's older and he will be forced to live on a budget. When the allowance is gone, it will be gone for the rest of the month! No doubt he'll see this measure as somewhat cruel and miserly but I think it necessary.

gallygirl wrote: »

I think it's down to two things:
1. You don't HAVE to do as well because they've made all the money you will need - no incentive for you to do so, the 'curse' of inheriting money which is why the likes of Richard Branson won't be passing on their money to their children.
2. You're not prepared to sacrifice your relationship with your son to pursue monetary goals - and quite right too when you look at how your upbringing affected you.

I suppose you're right. However, I'd imagine in the case of Richard Branson, whatever small proportion of his fortune his children will receive through "not inheriting" will be more than the value of my parents' entire estate. In the grand scheme of things, I'm quite aware my family "fortune" is actually quite a modest one.

Goldiegirl

AlexLK wrote: »

Not really. My In-Laws are uneducated oiks that throw unfounded insults around and ask very dumb questions on a regular basis



.

Have you genuinely no idea how offensive you sound?

Or do you say things like that just to get a reaction?

In any event, I hope your wife never sees that comment.