Renovations and Repayments.

Red-Squirrel_2

AlexLK wrote: »

It's not just the teaching but the choices I've made in life up to this point. Had things not happened the way they did, I (and my wife) would be in a lot better position than we are now.

That's true of practically everyone.

You REALLY need to get some perspective on your 'position'. You are in a better one than the vast majority of the people in this country. For example, if you don't want to be a teacher, just quit, you won't have to worry about how you will feed your family or keep a roof over your heads if you do.

daisy_1571

AlexLK wrote: »

It's not just the teaching but the choices I've made in life up to this point. Had things not happened the way they did, I (and my wife) would be in a lot better position than we are now.

I'm hardly seeing my son at the moment and am trying to hide how much it hurts. I have had a short temper with him and found myself saying things my father used to say to me as a boy when he just wanted some time to himself. Really not pleased with myself for doing that.

Think I also need to get back into the habit of keeping track of what I'm drinking.

It's your choice how you think about these 'oh so terrible' decisions you keep rehashing - you were younger, didn't know what you know now, it was a learning curve etc and put it behind you or endlessly examine everything but without the benefit of a time machine be absolutely unable to do a flipping thing about it but, in the good news, you will have all that wasted time regretting everything that you can add to your terrible decisions next time you get your hair shirt out for another self indulgent wallow.

For heavens sake Alex will you stop going on about the past please? Does your sense of self think you are the only person in the world to gain a different insight with the benefit of hindsight? We all made what we would now call wrong decisions to greater or lesser degress, however we all also made good decisions and OK decisions and fabulous decisions. Sometimes you just have to put these things behind you otherwise you are going to drive yourself and your family incensed with frustration.

Concentrate on the now - that's all any of us have an influence over.

Daisy

Ps don't worry about hearing yourself say things your father did, we all do that, we learn these things when young and that's what comes out later. If you like the sentiment, keep saying it. If you don't like the sentiment, try to catch yourself before saying it next time or at least talk to your your boy and explain you didn't mean to be so brusque or whatever you did, you are 'tired just now with doing two jobs but that doesn't mean I should take it out on those around me and I will try to think in future before speaking but meantime you could help me by xxxx'

badmemory

daisy_1571 wrote: »

Ps don't worry about hearing yourself say things your father did, we all do that, we learn these things when young and that's what comes out later. If you like the sentiment, keep saying it. If you don't like the sentiment, try to catch yourself before saying it next time or at least talk to your your boy and explain you didn't mean to be so brusque or whatever you did, you are 'tired just now with doing two jobs but that doesn't mean I should take it out on those around me and I will try to think in future before speaking but meantime you could help me by xxxx'

I too have heard coming out of my mouth things that my parents said to me & it can produce a very nasty OMG moment when you have controlling parents as I did. You can only say you are sorry, please do because that is not the real you as it wasn't the real me & try to explain. The bad one has never come out of my mouth again but I will never ever forget.

Suffolk_lass

Suffolk_lass wrote: »

You have alluded to a number of things going on and letting things go. I wanted to suggest you take a few minutes to write down all the things that are important to you - the people and the things, not the way you do things

Then you can sort out the really high priority things to you and those who are most important. In the summer you had absolute clarity and it might help you to go back and look at some of your posts, before you started the teacher training. I hope it will help you regain the balance and perspective. Remember the things that really matter to you.

For example, relationships are precious and can be precarious so they need regular attention, with give and take on both sides. It does sound as though your balance has shifted a bit at the moment.

So Alex, did you do any of this or did you thank us and ignore all the advice (not just mine)? - we are all trying to help but you have to hear the advice and not just read to respond. Read to understand Alex - it will help you regain that insight and perspective that was so evident before the Teaching course started.

And November is a really good month to stop drinking - you could stop for six weeks and have your Christmas funds topped up!

...end of nag... x

Karmacat

Suffolk_lass wrote: »

So Alex, did you do any of this or did you thank us and ignore all the advice (not just mine)? - we are all trying to help but you have to hear the advice and not just read to respond. Read to understand Alex - it will help you regain that insight and perspective that was so evident before the Teaching course started.

And November is a really good month to stop drinking - you could stop for six weeks and have your Christmas funds topped up!

...end of nag... x

Alex, please read this post twice

:kisses3: to Alex and to SL :j

AlexLK

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

That's true of practically everyone.

You REALLY need to get some perspective on your 'position'. You are in a better one than the vast majority of the people in this country. For example, if you don't want to be a teacher, just quit, you won't have to worry about how you will feed your family or keep a roof over your heads if you do.

I'm not trying to compare myself, Red Squirrel. I do understand there are people with less than I and people with more.

daisy_1571 wrote: »

It's your choice how you think about these 'oh so terrible' decisions you keep rehashing - you were younger, didn't know what you know now, it was a learning curve etc and put it behind you or endlessly examine everything but without the benefit of a time machine be absolutely unable to do a flipping thing about it but, in the good news, you will have all that wasted time regretting everything that you can add to your terrible decisions next time you get your hair shirt out for another self indulgent wallow.

For heavens sake Alex will you stop going on about the past please? Does your sense of self think you are the only person in the world to gain a different insight with the benefit of hindsight? We all made what we would now call wrong decisions to greater or lesser degress, however we all also made good decisions and OK decisions and fabulous decisions. Sometimes you just have to put these things behind you otherwise you are going to drive yourself and your family incensed with frustration.

Concentrate on the now - that's all any of us have an influence over.

Daisy

Ps don't worry about hearing yourself say things your father did, we all do that, we learn these things when young and that's what comes out later. If you like the sentiment, keep saying it. If you don't like the sentiment, try to catch yourself before saying it next time or at least talk to your your boy and explain you didn't mean to be so brusque or whatever you did, you are 'tired just now with doing two jobs but that doesn't mean I should take it out on those around me and I will try to think in future before speaking but meantime you could help me by xxxx'

I suppose this is somewhat self indulgent but it seems I'm the only one to make mistake after mistake after mistake without making any good decisions. When a good opportunity does come along I quite often miss it as I manage to convince myself it will be another mistake.

Have promised myself to spend some time with my son over this weekend.

badmemory wrote: »

I too have heard coming out of my mouth things that my parents said to me & it can produce a very nasty OMG moment when you have controlling parents as I did. You can only say you are sorry, please do because that is not the real you as it wasn't the real me & try to explain. The bad one has never come out of my mouth again but I will never ever forget.

I've had the nasty OMG moment and have apologised to my son.

AlexLK

Suffolk_lass wrote: »

So Alex, did you do any of this or did you thank us and ignore all the advice (not just mine)? - we are all trying to help but you have to hear the advice and not just read to respond. Read to understand Alex - it will help you regain that insight and perspective that was so evident before the Teaching course started.

And November is a really good month to stop drinking - you could stop for six weeks and have your Christmas funds topped up!

...end of nag... x

I spent quite a while staring at a blank sheet of paper and didn't know what to write. My son is the most important person to me but I'm not doing a very good job at the moment. Really not pleased to be writing that.

I haven't thought about Christmas. Need to get things sorted for my son's birthday first. :eek: Not sure I can deal with the elf this year, he may have to go on a sabbatical to another family.

Karmacat wrote: »

Alex, please read this post twice

:kisses3: to Alex and to SL :j

I've read the post a few times and SL's quoted post.

AlexLK

A lot of things on my mind at the moment:

Not sure what to do with the house and financial implications of each option. I can't just see it as a deal.

Don't really know what to do about my son's education. I need to work out if he will be attending my old school in September or staying where he is.

Dealing with my parents is not easy.

kelpie35

Alex, you sound as if you have so many decisions to make.

I think you need to take a step back, concentrate on what needs to be done tomorrow, not the next day or the week ahead.

As for your son's schooling, have you asked him what he would prefer to do. I am in no way suggesting that you and your wife should bow down to his demands but if you both decide to send him off to another school, would he be so happy and contented?

Your son seems to have many interests both in and out of school and from what you have written in the past a very happy, bright. and contented young boy.

I hope you and your family will have a relaxed and enjoyable weekend.

Take care.

Suffolk_lass

Now that blank piece of paper - you could start with columns for immediate all-important things - your son, your marriage, your mental well-being, your parents.

Then look at planning type things - your business, yours and your spouse's employment/income, your son's education

Then a column for the really hard stuff - the Scarlet O'Hara things (I can't think about that now, I'll think about that tomorrow things)

Then the problems - I drink too much, I stay up late, I think about stuff without resolving things, I don't want to do this any more

Just to add, this is my list but it feels as though it could be yours too.

I use mine as a parking place to get them out of my head, then I fiddle with the order and try to focus on 3 things I can influence or change for the better. Sometimes all in one place, sometimes one from each group.

Because each list is not too long it somehow feels more manageable and combined with my one minute meditation, I feel a bit more in control. It might be an illusion but I do feel better having it all in front of me.

I hope this helps with the blank sheet thing