Renovations and Repayments.

Red-Squirrel_2

AlexLK wrote: »

I'm not trying to compare myself, Red Squirrel. I do understand there are people with less than I and people with more.

What you don't seem to understand is that there are far far more people with less than you than there are people with more.

Take this quiz: https://www.ifs.org.uk/wheredoyoufitin/

Maybe you could print out the results and put them on the fridge or somewhere to remind you of your position when you start getting these feelings.

This also might be an interesting article for you: http://www.thisismoney.co.uk/money/news/article-4110482/How-rich-Work-income-wealth-sits-UK.html

Red-Squirrel_2

AlexLK wrote: »

A lot of things on my mind at the moment:

Not sure what to do with the house and financial implications of each option. I can't just see it as a deal.

Don't really know what to do about my son's education. I need to work out if he will be attending my old school in September or staying where he is.

Dealing with my parents is not easy.

Are you talking to your wife about these things and considering her opinion as equal to yours?

I have to say, with all the progress littleK has made at his school and how far he's come from the difficult early days, it seems a real shame to uproot him and make him start all over again.

badmemory

Re miniK's schooling - is he engaged in class at present or is he staring into space because he is bored? If he's staring into space bored out of his mind then definitely look for alternatives. If he is "engaged" then why fix what isn't broken? Especially if he is happy there.

-taff

AlexLK wrote: »

Not at all. I should be enjoying teaching. The prep work I did says I should be but I don't enjoy it.

So quit it.
You don't have to see every decision out to the bitter end.
You tried teaching, it wasnt for you.

You know property business, it's easier for you to sort out.

You love your son, spend more time with him.

You really ought to stop berating yourself and living in the past.

You have one life. You can spend it hating yourself, or you can start liking yourself.

Your choice.

AlexLK

Fantastic weekend spent at the NEC classic car show, not relaxed but very enjoyable. Two restaurant meals have been enjoyed, so not been an AF weekend but didn't get silly. We collectively established a '70s AMV8 would make a ideal replacement for our Daimler which didn't miss a beat and won't be replaced soon.

AlexLK

kelpie35 wrote: »

Alex, you sound as if you have so many decisions to make.

I think you need to take a step back, concentrate on what needs to be done tomorrow, not the next day or the week ahead.

As for your son's schooling, have you asked him what he would prefer to do. I am in no way suggesting that you and your wife should bow down to his demands but if you both decide to send him off to another school, would he be so happy and contented?

Your son seems to have many interests both in and out of school and from what you have written in the past a very happy, bright. and contented young boy.

I hope you and your family will have a relaxed and enjoyable weekend.

Take care.

I think you're right about having a lot of decisions to make, kelpie. A lot are to do with my decisions over work which I after having a long discussion with my wife I think I'm getting somewhere with.

My son is happy at the school he attends but I have concerns over his future (what happens at 11 as I do not think that's the right time to be attending senior school and would mean an awkward few years before entering senior school at 13) though my wife doesn't share these concerns. He doesn't like the idea of moving schools and I am taking that into consideration, also my wife's viewpoint. She has told me the decision ultimately falls to me, though.

I have my concerns about both options, to be honest. Ever since being of pre-school age he's wanted to be outside and his ambitions have always been based around being outdoors working the land in some form or another which is something which can be facilitated by his current trajectory. However, being the age he is I am aware he may well change his mind as he gets older and potentially not have the right connections should we continue to have him state educated. My father wants him to attend music school but I know that would not be the right option for him (he's musical and enjoys playing but it is by no stretch the most important thing to him; this likely sounds harsh but he's no soloist in the making (and doesn't want to be)).

Suffolk_lass wrote: »

Now that blank piece of paper - you could start with columns for immediate all-important things - your son, your marriage, your mental well-being, your parents.

Then look at planning type things - your business, yours and your spouse's employment/income, your son's education

Then a column for the really hard stuff - the Scarlet O'Hara things (I can't think about that now, I'll think about that tomorrow things)

Then the problems - I drink too much, I stay up late, I think about stuff without resolving things, I don't want to do this any more

Just to add, this is my list but it feels as though it could be yours too.

I use mine as a parking place to get them out of my head, then I fiddle with the order and try to focus on 3 things I can influence or change for the better. Sometimes all in one place, sometimes one from each group.

Because each list is not too long it somehow feels more manageable and combined with my one minute meditation, I feel a bit more in control. It might be an illusion but I do feel better having it all in front of me.

I hope this helps with the blank sheet thing

Thank you, SL. It makes a lot of sense now you've explained a little more.

I think it would be good for me to have a go at this. You've summed up the immediately important things for me and I've written them down. I don't think there is anything else in that column.

Planning type things I find the most difficult to deal with, I think.

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

What you don't seem to understand is that there are far far more people with less than you than there are people with more.

Take this quiz: https://www.ifs.org.uk/wheredoyoufitin/

Maybe you could print out the results and put them on the fridge or somewhere to remind you of your position when you start getting these feelings.

This also might be an interesting article for you: http://www.thisismoney.co.uk/money/news/article-4110482/How-rich-Work-income-wealth-sits-UK.html

I'm trying to avoid comparing myself to others, whether financially better or worse off. On those tests my family and I find ourselves rather high up the scale, though there are times when it doesn't seem like we are at all. There are times when it seems my family as a whole are dirt poor in comparison to various acquaintances, yet others would think I'm obtuse for making that observation. Point being personal perspective skews different individuals perceptions of what it means to be wealthy.

AlexLK

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

Are you talking to your wife about these things and considering her opinion as equal to yours?

I have to say, with all the progress littleK has made at his school and how far he's come from the difficult early days, it seems a real shame to uproot him and make him start all over again.

I've managed to talk to my wife a lot this weekend. She has said the ultimate decision re. son's schooling falls to me but I will also listen to her take on what she thinks is the best thing to do.

It is a difficult decision and I know my son doesn't want to move schools.

badmemory wrote: »

Re miniK's schooling - is he engaged in class at present or is he staring into space because he is bored? If he's staring into space bored out of his mind then definitely look for alternatives. If he is "engaged" then why fix what isn't broken? Especially if he is happy there.

My son is happy there. However, I'm not convinced they are helping him to achieve his full potential academically.

-taff wrote: »

So quit it.
You don't have to see every decision out to the bitter end.
You tried teaching, it wasnt for you.

You know property business, it's easier for you to sort out.

You love your son, spend more time with him.

You really ought to stop berating yourself and living in the past.

You have one life. You can spend it hating yourself, or you can start liking yourself.

Your choice.

Thank you, Taff. I think I need to print this.

kelpie35

My son is happy there

That is the most important thing.

I am pleased you are not heeding your father's wishes.

I am not as well educated as you but I succeeded in a job I loved. It does not matter if you have many "paper" qualifications or not. What is important is that you work hard, in a job you love, and you will reap the benefits.

I am pleased that you have had a lovely weekend as a family.

Take care

Red-Squirrel_2

AlexLK wrote: »

I'm trying to avoid comparing myself to others, whether financially better or worse off. On those tests my family and I find ourselves rather high up the scale, though there are times when it doesn't seem like we are at all. There are times when it seems my family as a whole are dirt poor in comparison to various acquaintances, yet others would think I'm obtuse for making that observation. Point being personal perspective skews different individuals perceptions of what it means to be wealthy.

Usually, its a good idea not to compare yourself with others, but I think in your case its actually quite important that you try to maintain an understanding of the fortunate position you are in financially and reflect on how it affects your interactions and relationships with people in different situations.

Red-Squirrel_2

AlexLK wrote: »

My son is happy there. However, I'm not convinced they are helping him to achieve his full potential academically.

Alex do you remember a while back when I showed you a study which found that state school pupils actually do better at university than private school pupils?

Are your reservations about state school based on facts or on your prejudices about the state system or the values your parents have passed to you?

Your son is happy at his school, that's great, let him stay! He has supportive, encouraging parents who are able to provide enrichment and extra tuition outside of school if it is ever required/desired. He won't have any problems meeting his potential and doing whatever he wants to do!