Renovations and Repayments.

AlexLK

Targets:
Total Grocery Spend: £450/>£500.
Savings: £150/£250.
Keep track of and replying to communications: Done.
Updating spreadsheet: Done.
Going to bed at a reasonable time: 9/28.
One new recipe per week: 4/4.

Had a fairly quiet day but very tired now. I am getting a good amount of sleep (for me) but am drained of energy and still not 100%. Rang my GP but they couldn't give me an appointment for today, only for Monday. I'm starting to get a little concerned as it's been weeks since I had the initial winter cold. Also, somewhat concerned with my history that they will automatically put it down to mental health even though this started with physical symptoms. The other problem which has been something of an issue since childhood, they did investigate but found nothing medically wrong. They believe the anxiety of the symptoms is making it worse. Today has been the first day of training my brain to not react to the symptoms and has worked as well as it could have. A bit frustrated about the health concerns.

This evening has been nice. My wife came over for dinner and we took our son to orchestra. Whilst he was there we had a walk, just my wife and I. She's still doing things to deal with her anger and has cut a few people from her contacts list because she thinks she needs to break ties with them. I didn't ask her to do that. She brought the mortgage up, saying she thinks we've come a long way with the finances and that she shouldn't have undermined my efforts with taking cash everyday. Apparently, she wants to put what she saved from the cash she took towards the bathroom renovation.

Suffolk_lass wrote: »

Well done Alex, your positivity is coming back through in your posts in the last two days. You must take care of yourself, as you are realising.

We love some of the memories we have of camping when DS was at prep school and money was tight - we used to go to a farm on the cliffs above Weymouth Bay in Dorset that was only a camp site for a month a year and very basic - originally dug latrines and a couple of solar showers and some hay-bales in the middle of each field, with organic meat and eggs from the Farm available to buy. I remember fishing for mackerel with a string of hooks under the supervision of an old East-Ender who was teaching his grandson and took our Son under his wing as they struck up a holiday friendship. We were so different but it reminds me of the value in every relationship where something is "paid forward" - a skill someone has is taught to others.

I attended a resilience and wellbeing event at work yesterday and it was a good reminder of the needs and the techniques we can all use to mitigate life's pressures and stresses. I especially liked one of the youtube videos we were encouraged to watch, ahead of the event "One-Moment Meditation: "How to Meditate in a Moment" " - I would encourage anyone on here to take a few minutes to give it a watch. Anything that helps me to take a moment and restore my sense of proportion and priority is a tool I intend using more frequently.

I think we all try to do the best for our children and some of us think we have (and some fret that we have not). The important thing is that our children know they are loved and yours does. All the rest is opinion, experience and preference.

I think you should keep thinking and posting about the three things - I learned yesterday that if you look upwards when you feel down, it helps you be more positive - I certainly learned that putting a smile on my face made me feel a tiny bit better even when I was feeling very low last year. I love the resetting of boundaries with your Father - that was a positive not in your 3 things but very important. You could make a minute each day to reflect on something positive for that day as I know that helps me sleep - sadly I don't always stay asleep but I get the initial deep rest (been up since 04.15 this morning with things in my head).

SL

I often find I don't want to take care of myself.

The camping trip sounds like fun.

I'll have a look at the one moment meditation, is it on youtube?

Re. the three things, I think that is a good idea. I can believe the looking up helping a little. I tend not to be able to communicate with people when things are really bad for me. Today I told my father he is coming out for a walk if he wanted to talk to me. We walked the dogs around the grounds and when we got back my father was in a much better frame of mind. One thing for tomorrow is going to be to get my father to come on the evening dog walk. So, 1. Get father out of the house, 2. Organise a meal with my cousin and family during March - we've been talking about it for a while, 3. Spend 20 minutes reading in bed before switching the light off - it helps but I often don't bother as I go to bed so late I try to force myself to sleep instead.

You and I seem to have the opposite problems sleeping. I struggle to force myself to go to the bedroom, then cannot get to sleep. I have a bad habit of drinking a glass of water in bed before going to sleep, so inevitably wake during the night, have to go through the saga of falling to sleep again then cannot get up in the morning. Most mornings I have aching muscles from being so tense about falling to sleep - very rarely get a restful night. Said that and wonder if I'm getting to the age that my body can't take the punishment any longer and that's why I haven't fully recovered from my winter cold.

-taff wrote: »

My friend used to advise me to put on some upbeat music and dance and sing to it.
Felt stupid when I started doing it, but it worked to get my head out of the not great space it was in.

I used to do that to the Blues Brothers.

:rotfl: I can see how this could work and have to admit when I'm in a dark frame of mind I will usually listen to dark and challenging music. Probably not the best idea.

maman wrote: »

God that you're enlisting help from your GP Alex. No reason why you have to just put up with various ailments. Has to be a good idea to see what's advised.:)

You are doing the best you can for your son and it's not selfish to enjoy it!

You found it extremely hard to cope with him going to school full time (which I think inadvertently may have contributed to him finding it difficult to settle). You must know that he'll need you less as he gets older but perhaps channelling your energies into teaching will help you manage that. You owe it to him to encourage him to be more independent. Supporting him is fine and giving him experiences to widen his horizons but he has to increasingly take responsibility for his own learning too.

I thought this might be of interest to you:

http://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/orchestras-new-free-school-will-give-pupils-a-rousing-education-5wwbvgcfv

Would it be too far for you or Little K?

or if you moved to that area you could afford a big house of your own.:D

http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-42627525.html

When are you going to share these new recipes with us?

Incidentally, the jacket potato, beans and cheese meal that LittleK had at his friend's home was very healthy and a safe bet. Hope he didn't ask for lobster?;):rotfl:

Thank you, maman. I need to get into a better state before September.

I think you're right about my son struggling to settle. I didn't mean to make things hard for him but looking back I should have handled things differently. I still find dropping him off at school and knowing he will be there for over 6 hours each day very difficult, especially when I have nothing planned to fill my time. Academically, I think he'd be better being home schooled but I accept my wife was right to put a stop to that as he'd have developed very little socially being in an isolated environment and not meeting other children who have different families, experiences and interests.

I do know he needs to have the space to become more independent. I have started letting him have an unsupervised music practise once per week to hopefully encourage some independent learning to happen. I've also started to devise some activities in his project books to be completed alone.

The school is very interesting. My son and I have been to a few of Mark Elder's orchestral events for children. We have also been to see the Halle in concert which my son loved. My father is obsessed with the idea of my son auditioning for a place at Chetham's when he is a little older and becoming a professional violinist but I am not really keen on that. Whilst my son loves music and is interested and motivated, it is not his life nor do I want him to board. Stoke-on-Trent would be too far. If he goes to the state school here, they apparently have a very good orchestra and go on tour, so I hope he wouldn't miss out on too much musically.

That house is very nice and retains some lovely features. Reminds me of the house I own inside a little but looks in a bit better condition. Does have a few too many neighbours for me, though.

Suffolk_lass

One minute meditation is here

I used to have trouble going to sleep too. I changed a few things.

1. I stopped using electronic devices an hour before bed
2. I tried (and still do) a conscious yoga relaxation by
* tensing completely and then consciously relaxing "zones" of my body, one at a time (so feet and legs, hands and arms, face muscles, neck and back, etc)
* If bits are hurting after that I try to stretch out the tension (with me it is usually my neck and shoulders)
* repeat 2 and breathe in slowly and fully, through your nose for a slow count of 5 and out for a slow count of 3, while you are relaxing the muscles
* Hear myself breathing as in 4. - 10 breathes, concentrating on the breath to the exclusion of intruding thoughts

That usually does it for me. It's easy to try it. Don't think "I must sleep or..." just absorb totally in the breathing. It is really helpful with practice.

I used to have panicky moments in the time before I slept and keeping a nonsense notepad and pen next to me, made me write down the panic-thoughts and park them outside my head - that way I could stop worrying that I could let them go a little and review them in the morning.

Fay

Alex I would really encourage you to go on YouTube and look up mindful body scan. Find someone guiding you whose voice you like. Then get into bed and start playing it. Most people who do this are asleep before it finishes...although it's not the purpose of it, there may be one on the headspace app.
If you are in any way sensitive to psychotic experiences don't use body scan though.

smallholdingsister

Hi Alex.
What do you think might be causing my tyres to be evenly "bumpy" on the back?

hiddenshadow

I have an app called (I think) Sleep Soundly Hypnosis (Androd) / Hypnosis Sleep Soundly (iOS) that has a free audio track on it. I find it really helpful when I'm feeling stressed as it walks you through the muscle tension/relaxation, and the breathing. I don't know how it ends as I've never lasted that long.

Another one I've tried (but need to remember to use it more) is an audio track of white noise that's meant to keep you in deep sleep cycles longer/better so that your sleep is more restful. My uncle studies meditation and recommended it.

maman

Just out of interest do these various apps switch themselves off if/when you fall asleep? Do you use earphones for them?


I use the radio to help me get off to sleep and it was difficult to find one that would switch itself off when my old one packed up. The one I have isn't ideal but I manage.

hiddenshadow

maman wrote: »

Just out of interest do these various apps switch themselves off if/when you fall asleep? Do you use earphones for them?

The Sleep Soundly one just runs through once and stops. I set the white noise one on repeat as it's meant to help with sleep cycles.

I could use earphones but I shift around a lot in my sleep so they'd probably fall out, so I just leave the speakers on, as DH doesn't mind.

AlexLK

Targets:
Total Grocery Spend: £490/>£500.
Savings: £150/£250.
Keep track of and replying to communications: Done.
Updating spreadsheet: Done.
Going to bed at a reasonable time: 10/28.
One new recipe per week: 4/4.
3 Things:1. Read before sleep, 2. Light out before midnight, 3. Wash cars.

Had a fairly good night's sleep and didn't get up until 8.30am. However, I'm really tired now after a fairly quiet day. Have been very stressed earlier on in the day, though. Dark thoughts about my (lack of) achievement really got to me this afternoon. Managed to organise a meal with my cousin and family, get my father out for a walk and read before sleep last night.

Suffolk_lass wrote: »

One minute meditation is here

I used to have trouble going to sleep too. I changed a few things.

1. I stopped using electronic devices an hour before bed
2. I tried (and still do) a conscious yoga relaxation by
* tensing completely and then consciously relaxing "zones" of my body, one at a time (so feet and legs, hands and arms, face muscles, neck and back, etc)
* If bits are hurting after that I try to stretch out the tension (with me it is usually my neck and shoulders)
* repeat 2 and breathe in slowly and fully, through your nose for a slow count of 5 and out for a slow count of 3, while you are relaxing the muscles
* Hear myself breathing as in 4. - 10 breathes, concentrating on the breath to the exclusion of intruding thoughts

That usually does it for me. It's easy to try it. Don't think "I must sleep or..." just absorb totally in the breathing. It is really helpful with practice.

I used to have panicky moments in the time before I slept and keeping a nonsense notepad and pen next to me, made me write down the panic-thoughts and park them outside my head - that way I could stop worrying that I could let them go a little and review them in the morning.

The link does not work.

I've tried something similar to the technique you described before but can't seem to ignore thoughts or be able to fully release tension. I also find after concentrating on breathing I can't stop thinking about it and feel I'm going to not be able to breathe without thinking about it. Ridiculous, I know.

Also have the panic before sleeping, usually it's a fear I'm not going to wake up in time for whatever I need to do in the morning or about how little sleep I'm going to get (counting the hours between the time and the time I need to get up).

Fay wrote: »

Alex I would really encourage you to go on YouTube and look up mindful body scan. Find someone guiding you whose voice you like. Then get into bed and start playing it. Most people who do this are asleep before it finishes...although it's not the purpose of it, there may be one on the headspace app.
If you are in any way sensitive to psychotic experiences don't use body scan though.

Thank you.

smallholdingsister wrote: »

Hi Alex.
What do you think might be causing my tyres to be evenly "bumpy" on the back?

On the Discovery?

Can't say I've come across that before. Are they new tyres? Any suspension work been done recently?

AlexLK

hiddenshadow wrote: »

I have an app called (I think) Sleep Soundly Hypnosis (Androd) / Hypnosis Sleep Soundly (iOS) that has a free audio track on it. I find it really helpful when I'm feeling stressed as it walks you through the muscle tension/relaxation, and the breathing. I don't know how it ends as I've never lasted that long.

Another one I've tried (but need to remember to use it more) is an audio track of white noise that's meant to keep you in deep sleep cycles longer/better so that your sleep is more restful. My uncle studies meditation and recommended it.

Thank you.

I will have a look at some of the options this evening.

maman wrote: »

Just out of interest do these various apps switch themselves off if/when you fall asleep? Do you use earphones for them?

I use the radio to help me get off to sleep and it was difficult to find one that would switch itself off when my old one packed up. The one I have isn't ideal but I manage.

hiddenshadow wrote: »

The Sleep Soundly one just runs through once and stops. I set the white noise one on repeat as it's meant to help with sleep cycles.

I could use earphones but I shift around a lot in my sleep so they'd probably fall out, so I just leave the speakers on, as DH doesn't mind.

I couldn't use earphones and whilst it doesn't matter here, I've no plans to be sleeping alone forever. I used to listen to Bach Violin Concertos as they helped me go to sleep (OK, and I like Bach ) but my wife used to wake, probably because she goes to bed early and then a few hours later I turn in, playing Bach. :rotfl:

Madmel

Slightly random but have you tried listening to some Morton Feldman, Alex? I find some of his music for piano (4 hands?) really relaxing because it has huge gaps between the very soft chords. It's not to everyone's taste, but works for me. I also listen to Arvo Part's music for the same reason. Each year I end up taking groups of musicians on tours in the summer, which is really stressful (but fun). By about day 3 I need some downtime and can often grab 30 minutes lying on the bed listening to some Part string music and just zoning out.