Renovations and Repayments.

kelpie35

This is one of those times where I want to hug you and give you a stern talking-to at the same time

Me too

cazmanian_minx

My godmother's son went to a not-great state school back in the '80s because his parents didn't believe in private education. He came out with three A-grades at A-level, went to a Russell Group university for his undergraduate degree, followed by a doctorate at Oxford, where he remained as a Fellow for many years, and he's now a Professor of History and Associate Dean at a British university and Distinguished Visiting Professor at an American one.

Going to a state school for a few years is not going to close any doors to Little K with your support behind him and will likely turn him into a much more grounded and rounded human being.

-taff

WHat happens if your parents become ill and have to be looked after in a home? They won't be going to a tesco value home, they'll be going to a very expensive one. One that might result in having to sell all the properties to fund it since they won't be eligible for state help.

What happens then if their properties aren't enough and they have to sell their own home?

Your father doesn't sound well, if he continues ot not be well, you won't be able to look after him, your mother, your son, traiing, cook meals, buy cars, see your wife, bemoan your relationship with her and your parents, not sleep, hoard stuff, not pay a mortgage....

In short, you really will have to finally grow up.

Read the posts you made on P95 again, you were positive, taking responsibility and sounding bright.

Be nice to see that again.

Red-Squirrel_2

cazmanian_minx wrote: »

My godmother's son went to a not-great state school back in the '80s because his parents didn't believe in private education. He came out with three A-grades at A-level, went to a Russell Group university for his undergraduate degree, followed by a doctorate at Oxford, where he remained as a Fellow for many years, and he's now a Professor of History and Associate Dean at a British university and Distinguished Visiting Professor at an American one.

Going to a state school for a few years is not going to close any doors to Little K with your support behind him and will likely turn him into a much more grounded and rounded human being.

Absolutely, a bright kid with a supportive family will not have any doors at all closed by going to a well performing state school.

In fact, going to a private school may actually disadvantage them more. As well as the fact that it will severely limit their social circle and experiences, there is evidence that private school pupils don't actually do as well at university as those with equivalent A level grades who went to state schools:

http://www.cambridgeassessment.org.uk/news/state-school-pupils-do-better-at-university-cambridge-assessment-research-confirms/

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

Lottery winners have not lived their whole lives accustomed to a certain lifestyle and are potentially shocked by the sudden change in circumstances.

There's a massive irony in this statement Alex.


Lottery winners have lived their lives used to a 'normal' income and the lifestyle it affords and find it very hard to cope with their changed circumstances.


You've been accustomed (as a result of funding from your parents) to an above average income and the lifestyle that goes with that and, you too, are finding it very hard to face up to your changed circumstances.


I think my point was beautifully illustrated by the fact that your in-laws don't have a music room or grounds!:eek:


As with most of this discussion I don't think you should be living beyond you means by letting your parents finance you but surely you wouldn't be closing any doors for LittleK at 7. Could he not still go to an independent school at 11 if that was what you and his mother wanted?


P.S. :T for cutting your father's ramblings short and being productive.:)

heartbreak_star

maman wrote: »

P.S. :T for cutting your father's ramblings short and being productive.:)

Seconded! Sadly your dad has got to learn.

HBS x

AlexLK

My son is going to a school friend's house for dinner tonight. Missing him already. Taught some music today, apparently I don't "live in the real world" and "don't understand"; all from suggesting an able child could benefit from an extra 30 minutes tuition per week. :mad:

newgirly wrote: »

I don't think the question was about the actual house, more would you want to live with your inlaws, For arguments sake with the same property as your parents?

The thought of living with my parents makes me shudder and we get on great, let alone the inlaws :eek:

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

Forget the houses, forget the actual practicalities, would you want to live under the same roof as your inlaws in a house owned by them under any circumstances? Even in a castle where your bedrooms were in opposite wings?

Property out of the equation but personalities in, I wouldn't.

heartbreak_star wrote: »

I think you need to broaden the friends circle a bit

Not really sure how to go about that, to be honest.

heartbreak_star wrote: »

So the money hasn't made him happy, then. Why do you think it will make you happy?

Father isn't really a happy person, neither am I.

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Alex, we've been through this! If the local state school is good, why throw away money? My current lab has (I think) one privately-schooled person, and she's a tech like me. Neither Professor was privately schooled

This is one of those times where I want to hug you and give you a stern talking-to at the same time :rotfl:

Equally I know how difficult it is trying to balance a parent like you father with other things in life. Has he been seen by a doctor yet? I can't remember if you said...

HBS x

I'm sure you think my parents threw their money away on providing me with the education they did because I am not now in a position of influence. However, education is much more than grades to gain entrance into a profession to me. I know state-funded does not necessarily mean a school is 'bad', per se.

Father has ongoing medical appointments.

AlexLK

cazmanian_minx wrote: »

My godmother's son went to a not-great state school back in the '80s because his parents didn't believe in private education. He came out with three A-grades at A-level, went to a Russell Group university for his undergraduate degree, followed by a doctorate at Oxford, where he remained as a Fellow for many years, and he's now a Professor of History and Associate Dean at a British university and Distinguished Visiting Professor at an American one.

Going to a state school for a few years is not going to close any doors to Little K with your support behind him and will likely turn him into a much more grounded and rounded human being.

I just don't want to do the wrong thing, Caz. I suppose my biggest issue is the potential that I do the wrong thing for my son based on money. I know that going to a state school doesn't mean my son will become an ill-educated delinquent. There are lots of brilliant pupils and teachers in state education.

-taff wrote: »

WHat happens if your parents become ill and have to be looked after in a home? They won't be going to a tesco value home, they'll be going to a very expensive one. One that might result in having to sell all the properties to fund it since they won't be eligible for state help.

What happens then if their properties aren't enough and they have to sell their own home?

Your father doesn't sound well, if he continues ot not be well, you won't be able to look after him, your mother, your son, traiing, cook meals, buy cars, see your wife, bemoan your relationship with her and your parents, not sleep, hoard stuff, not pay a mortgage....

In short, you really will have to finally grow up.

Read the posts you made on P95 again, you were positive, taking responsibility and sounding bright.

Be nice to see that again.

My parents won't go to a care home, they will have a live-in carer if the time comes when they are unable to look after themselves.

I'm not particularly positive or bright at the moment because I don't know if I'm going to remain married to my wife or not. Not sure what else to say.

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

Absolutely, a bright kid with a supportive family will not have any doors at all closed by going to a well performing state school.

In fact, going to a private school may actually disadvantage them more. As well as the fact that it will severely limit their social circle and experiences, there is evidence that private school pupils don't actually do as well at university as those with equivalent A level grades who went to state schools:

http://www.cambridgeassessment.org.uk/news/state-school-pupils-do-better-at-university-cambridge-assessment-research-confirms/

If going to a state school affects my son's mental well-being doors will be closed for him. That's ultimately my concern.

AlexLK

maman wrote: »

There's a massive irony in this statement Alex.

Lottery winners have lived their lives used to a 'normal' income and the lifestyle it affords and find it very hard to cope with their changed circumstances.

You've been accustomed (as a result of funding from your parents) to an above average income and the lifestyle that goes with that and, you too, are finding it very hard to face up to your changed circumstances.

I think my point was beautifully illustrated by the fact that your in-laws don't have a music room or grounds!:eek:

As with most of this I don't think you should be living beyond you means by letting your parents finance you but surely you wouldn't be closing any doors for LittleK at 7. Could he not still go to an independent school at 11 if that was what you and his mother wanted?

P.S. :T for cutting your father's ramblings short and being productive.:)

My parents are better than I, it's not something I deny. All I want is to be able to give my son the things he needs to be happy in life.

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

My parents are better than I, it's not something I deny. All I want is to be able to give my son the things he needs to be happy in life.

:wall::wall::wall:


Where did that come from?? I didn't say they were better than you, you just took that to be the case because they've made lots of money. That doesn't make them better, just richer.


You're using the same reasoning to draw the conclusion that it'll be 'things' that will make your son happy.


Your parents' money may have paid for 'things' for you but it's having a massively adverse effect on your life. It's not called the root of all evil for nothing.:(


Hopefully LittleK is having a great time at his friend's home and that he won't come back with a taste for McDonalds or Pot Noodle or......:rotfl: