Renovations and Repayments.

Suffolk_lass

newgirly wrote: »

It's not selfish to want personal fulfilment

Just noticed... 16lbs weight-loss in 2016! well done! :T
SL

AlexLK

No alcohol - 26/28.
No sweet treats - 12/31.
Walking - 28/31 15,000.
Savings - £0.
Going to bed at a reasonable time - 8/31.

Suffolk_lass wrote: »

Alex, what you describe is the traditional PGCE course. I hope you are aware that you can do your teaching qualification as an in-service teacher. My DH worked as an instructor teacher while he completed his post-grad qualification - the pay was rubbish but it reversed a £9000 debt into £10k income, which is better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick, as granny used to say (she didn't actually, it's just the saying!). Starting pay as an NQT is only £21k so £19k sounds pretty good... The Gov.uk site describes this route. You may already be aware, but if not, it might give you a positive way of moving forward. I was checking it out yesterday to see what options my DS might have as a struggling musician.

If you have not done so, you could check with the school where you volunteer to see if they could offer you the placement and training.

Sorry if this is grandma sucking eggs (more granny sayings :rotfl: )

SL

Thank you, SL.

I'm doing a course which is called "school direct". It is mainly school based but I'll also gain a PGCE with university. I applied for a salaried school direct course but didn't get a place.

Not going to be getting into debt to do the course but to not have to pay the tuition fee would have been nice. However, I'm not concerned about it.

As far as teacher's salaries go, I personally think they are a bit of a joke, considering everyone in the workforce is educated to a postgraduate level and the responsibilities a teacher has. I'm not personally worried about the salary but if I were in a different position, it would make me think twice about teaching as it is not a lot of money to live on. I am aware the salary does go up and if a member of staff takes on additional / managerial responsibilities there are financial rewards for doing so but I wonder how long that realistically takes. To be honest, I think a lot of potential talent is being lost due to the salary and also a largely negative image that the profession has.

newgirly wrote: »

It's not selfish to want personal fulfilment

Thanks, NG.

Suffolk_lass wrote: »

Just noticed... 16lbs weight-loss in 2016! well done! :T
SL

Well done, NG. :j:beer:

AlexLK

Had a nice (but somewhat expensive :eek:) day with my wife and son today. Apparently, she wants us to have a life together and (now) thinks she is "lucky" to have me. :rotfl:

We talked about things a lot whilst my son was riding this morning and after he went to bed this evening. She seems to have her finances sorted as she's apparently projected another £500 to be split between a mortgage OP and the bathroom renovation for February. I asked her why she was doing this and she said she thinks she needs to "grow up" and get the house in order. She has also booked to see someone about anger which surprised me. Next week she is away with work for a few days, so my son and I will have some evenings to ourselves. She's promised she won't go out and will call each evening. Can't say I'm particularly hopeful as it's something she promises a lot. I suppose even little things like that lead me to trust her less.

smallholdingsister

If DH was away with work and promised to call then didn't do so I would feel the same.

maman

I am pleased to hear you had a good day Alex but it's easy to enjoy days out, especially expensive ones.


MrsK is saying all the right things but will her 'growing up' include behaving responsibly and supportively towards you and your son and generally pulling her weight. I'm concerned that she'll go back to thinking that doing her 9-5 and being the main earner means she's done her bit and then she can please herself.


Incidentally, while I would expect a promised phone call, I wouldn't expect to promise not to go out while I was away with work. I've always enjoyed meals and drinks with colleagues and seeing a bit of the area I was visiting. Is this promise part of the show she's putting on or would 'going out' normally mean more than I'm reading into it?


I'm thinking Alex that all you'll be able to do is go back and give it a try. All the promises in the world will mean nothing if it's not sustained or can only be sustained if you keep up a lifestyle which is all about fun activities at weekends and you doing all the cooking and childcare.


P.S. You're definitely right about salaries for teachers being poor. It takes about 10 years to get to the top of a classroom teachers' pay scale and that's about £38 000. The rate at which new teachers leave the profession is serious and largely to do with workload and poor work/life balance although the salaries don't help. Generally when there's a downturn in the economy and it's difficult to find graduate jobs people flock into teaching but not this time. The fact that there are daily adverts in newspapers and on television to try to attract graduates into teaching is unheard of but the government won't acknowledge there's a problem.

smallholdingsister

Alex...sorry to talk ABOUT you but Maman I thought similar until I remembered that Mrs K has already let her veil slip rather lower than is acceptable IYSWIM?

maman

smallholdingsister wrote: »

Alex...sorry to talk ABOUT you but Maman I thought similar until I remembered that Mrs K has already let her veil slip rather lower than is acceptable IYSWIM?

maman wrote: »

Incidentally, while I would expect a promised phone call, I wouldn't expect to promise not to go out while I was away with work. I've always enjoyed meals and drinks with colleagues and seeing a bit of the area I was visiting. Is this promise part of the show she's putting on or would 'going out' normally mean more than I'm reading into it?

I think we may be thinking along similar lines shs.:)


Alex, I know you said trust is your dealbreaker and I can see why that would be impossible to move forward without it. However, I couldn't cope if that was the only thing and then you were expected to just put up with all the other nonsense I'd need respect and equality. I'm not doormat material and IMO you shouldn't be either.

AlexLK

No alcohol - 27/28.
No sweet treats - 12/31.
Walking - 29/31 8,000.
Savings - £0.
Going to bed at a reasonable time - 8/31.

Not too well today after waking up a little under the weather, can deal with the sore throat and a bit of a cough but a really nasty headache seems to have accompanied it this afternoon and won't go away. Have to admit, I took the easy option parenting this evening; my son and I watched a film.

smallholdingsister wrote: »

If DH was away with work and promised to call then didn't do so I would feel the same.

My wife is very good at breaking promises, unfortunately.

maman wrote: »

I am pleased to hear you had a good day Alex but it's easy to enjoy days out, especially expensive ones.

Yes, it is easy to enjoy days out. I was quite optimistic yesterday before going to bed and realising our day yesterday was similar to days pre-MSE, spending money for the sake of it and not really doing anything particularly meaningful. I don't want to go back to those times and finally realise it wasn't just me living beyond my means at the time, my wife was doing it too, though all the debt was in my name only.

Unfortunately, I've made things difficult for myself after yesterday's spends.

maman wrote: »

MrsK is saying all the right things but will her 'growing up' include behaving responsibly and supportively towards you and your son and generally pulling her weight. I'm concerned that she'll go back to thinking that doing her 9-5 and being the main earner means she's done her bit and then she can please herself.

Incidentally, while I would expect a promised phone call, I wouldn't expect to promise not to go out while I was away with work. I've always enjoyed meals and drinks with colleagues and seeing a bit of the area I was visiting. Is this promise part of the show she's putting on or would 'going out' normally mean more than I'm reading into it?

My wife does work long hours. Longer than 9-5. I've not spoken to her about "pulling her weight".

Her idea of going out when she's away with work doesn't involve a civilised meal with professional colleagues and seeing a bit of the area, unless you count multiple bars. She tends to meet up with a few (younger) builder types working on site, they'll usually go out together one night, she is usually the oldest there, the only professional and the only woman but apparently, those are the aspects she enjoys about going out with them. I think she does it for the (male) attention, to be honest.

maman wrote: »

I'm thinking Alex that all you'll be able to do is go back and give it a try. All the promises in the world will mean nothing if it's not sustained or can only be sustained if you keep up a lifestyle which is all about fun activities at weekends and you doing all the cooking and childcare.

P.S. You're definitely right about salaries for teachers being poor. It takes about 10 years to get to the top of a classroom teachers' pay scale and that's about £38 000. The rate at which new teachers leave the profession is serious and largely to do with workload and poor work/life balance although the salaries don't help. Generally when there's a downturn in the economy and it's difficult to find graduate jobs people flock into teaching but not this time. The fact that there are daily adverts in newspapers and on television to try to attract graduates into teaching is unheard of but the government won't acknowledge there's a problem.

Yes, I don't really have a lot of choices. Ultimately, I think I am going to have to go back, else I will regret not trying. Fortunately, she doesn't try to manipulate our son or get him to take sides. We don't argue or show contempt in front of him. In reality, I'll probably carry on doing the cooking / childcare.

Re. teaching: comments on workload does concern me. As much as I want to try teaching, I'm not going to live to work. Been there before and it won't happen again. That is not to say I am unwilling to put effort in, I am. However, I'm not willing to neglect my health or son. Workload came up in all my interviews and I was honest about it. I don't think one of the providers liked my response, though.

smallholdingsister wrote: »

Alex...sorry to talk ABOUT you but Maman I thought similar until I remembered that Mrs K has already let her veil slip rather lower than is acceptable IYSWIM?

Yes, she has.

AlexLK

maman wrote: »

I think we may be thinking along similar lines shs.:)


Alex, I know you said trust is your dealbreaker and I can see why that would be impossible to move forward without it. However, I couldn't cope if that was the only thing and then you were expected to just put up with all the other nonsense I'd need respect and equality. I'm not doormat material and IMO you shouldn't be either.

The truth is I can't really imagine a life without her. As time has passed, I'm not sure I can potentially initiate a divorce that I'm fairly certain she doesn't want. The thought of being alone is currently much worse than the thought of not being respected by my wife. I do think some of her behaviours in recent times are my fault; we've been through a lot together and she decided to stay with me through some very dark times in my life. Through her 20s she worked hard and looked after me when I couldn't function. I know most would have ran away from that, especially at that age. All her friends were single and having a good time, she was adjusting to having bought a derelict house in a rural location (she'd never lived out of a city / town before and the house wasn't her choice), newly married to a husband who was falling apart. I doubt I'll ever stop being thankful for the fact she didn't do the easy thing nor will I stop being thankful to her for agreeing to have our son.

Really, I suppose I know I'm not her equal but am paranoid my son will think it is fine for him to be walked over in a relationship when he's older.

AlexLK

No alcohol - 28/28, target met. .
No sweet treats - 12/31.
Walking - 30/31 10,000.
Savings - £0.
Going to bed at a reasonable time - 8/31.

Still not well. Despite that, I've had a good day today. My wife and I have planned to go walking with the dogs and have a LR picnic this weekend. She will be away until Friday now. I'm hoping the time away from her will give me some time to think about things a little more and that she will call.

Actually managed to motivate myself enough to think about making a little extra money this afternoon for savings. No matter what happens, it isn't going to harm to save some money. Not putting myself under too much pressure with targets as there are other things on my mind at the moment, though.