Renovations and Repayments.

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

Thanks, maman.

You are right, I don't want to drift back. That's why I'm still here for the moment as I think we need some distance for a while to be able to start afresh on a different footing.

I think she's starting to realise that her agreeing to suit herself at counselling, then back to what was happening isn't going to result in me just pretending it's not happening. She's been very upset, convinced that no matter what happens I am not going to go back etc. I am guilty for making her upset as I could have just pretended everything is fine again but that wouldn't be fair to either of us or our son.

Don't believe that for one minute!!


So you've upset MrsK by not letting her get her own way and ignoring her immature behaviour. Too much of that is exactly what got you here in the first place. You wouldn't take this nonsense from LittleK so please don't take it from his mother.

AlexLK

badmemory wrote: »

Please don't allow yourself to be manipulated about anything. Having been the subject of multiple manipulations (parents and ex - they learnt from one another) this is not any road to happiness. Focus on - your son loves you and you are an excellent father. All else is - well pretty much irrelevant! I also know that it is a lot easier to be strong for your son than it is for any other scenario.

Please remember that you are not responsible for an adults happiness (that is their own problem) but you are responsible for a little one's happiness. So far in this area you are doing great.

Thank you for your wise words, badmemory.

I suppose I do feel responsible but you are right about not being. She is an adult and has made her own choices.

maman wrote: »

Don't believe that for one minute!!

So you've upset MrsK by not letting her get her own way and ignoring her immature behaviour. Too much of that is exactly what got you here in the first place. You wouldn't take this nonsense from LittleK so please don't take it from his mother.

Thanks, maman.

If my son chooses to behave badly, there are consequences as there needs to be in childhood. To be honest, I think my son is generally better behaved than my wife. :rotfl:

heartbreak_star

Been catching up on this (pneumonia over New Year! Yikes!) and all I want to do is give MrsK a giant boot up the backside. And that's me being nice.

I'm sorry that so much upheaval has happened in such a short space of time, buuuut equally your last few posts are so positive. You're an awesome dad, and a great person...and I'm not sure MrsK can deal with how much you've...matured? developed?...as a person. You're stronger, more confident, more assured, more steadfast, and I think that scares her.

Sorry, I'm rambling now. I shall leave you with a quote from a lovely film I watched during my illness:

"Everything works out in the end. if it hasn't worked out yet, then it's not the end."

Take care!

HBS x

smallholdingsister

Alex maybe you should try witholding your attention from Mrs K until she displays the required behaviours?

If she wants to behave like a child...

slowlyfading

AlexLK wrote: »

Sorry to hear that. Are you still using the techniques with your son that you started a few months back? If so, what's changed.

Doing exactly the same, unfortunately teething is playing a big part in him waking during the night. Other than that, I just can't seem to switch off. Surviving on about 3 hours sleep a night at the moment! Hey ho.

AlexLK

No alcohol - 11/28.
No sweet treats - 6/31.
No meat - 2/10.
Walking - 11/31 14,000 steps.
Savings - £0.
Going to bed at a reasonable time - 0/31, still zero :mad: but so tired tonight, I think an 11pm bedtime, 30 minute read and then lights out will actually happen.

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Been catching up on this (pneumonia over New Year! Yikes!) and all I want to do is give MrsK a giant boot up the backside. And that's me being nice.

I'm sorry that so much upheaval has happened in such a short space of time, buuuut equally your last few posts are so positive. You're an awesome dad, and a great person...and I'm not sure MrsK can deal with how much you've...matured? developed?...as a person. You're stronger, more confident, more assured, more steadfast, and I think that scares her.

Sorry, I'm rambling now. I shall leave you with a quote from a lovely film I watched during my illness:

"Everything works out in the end. if it hasn't worked out yet, then it's not the end."

Take care!

HBS x

Thank you, HBS. How's the new job?

Sorry to hear you've had pneumonia and hope you're recovering.

It's almost a month since my son and I came here. My wife thought this would all blow over within a couple of days but it cannot be like that, not this time. I miss her, know she's upset and in one way just want to go back and for this to be over. However, it must be for the right reasons. I cannot let my son grow up thinking it is fine to pretend there are no problems in relationships for fear of being alone. I don't want to be alone though and really hope my wife has not said the things she has in order to get me back and for nothing else to change. I'd like to think in recent years I try to do what I can to better myself, I just hope she has the same mindset over this.

smallholdingsister wrote: »

Alex maybe you should try witholding your attention from Mrs K until she displays the required behaviours?

If she wants to behave like a child...

:rotfl:

Today she decided that we were going to be going out to a restaurant on Friday night, not doing what was planned. I told her that our son has orchestra and I wanted to stick with the (meal) plan as I'd already bought the food. She decided to try the "I'll go out with the two work colleagues and it could get messy" (and it's my fault she'll not be well on Saturday, of course because I didn't go out with her) guilt trip. I told her it was her choice if she wanted to go out with them and I hoped one of her work colleagues would be happy to pick her up from home to get her car... "You and your mother could do it." ... "Going to horse riding" ... "After?" ... "Not sure but I do know it doesn't involve picking your car up" ...

slowlyfading wrote: »

Doing exactly the same, unfortunately teething is playing a big part in him waking during the night. Other than that, I just can't seem to switch off. Surviving on about 3 hours sleep a night at the moment! Hey ho.

Yes, the teething will be the reason he is waking, most likely.

I've never managed to work out not switching off. Actually that tired I'm going to try a guided meditation tonight after reading. Will let you know if it worked.

Fay

Alex Have a look in you tube for mindfulness body scan, i find it gets most people to sleep who struggle. Might be worth a try?
I'm glad to hear you didn't give in to the pressure to change your plans and then retrieve her car.

smallholdingsister

One of the behaviour "interventions" we use in the classroom is tactical ignoring.

Well Done on boundary setting in your last encounter with MrsK and tactically ignoring her not very subtle threats.

BTW have you considered what happens if she finds this thread?

heartbreak_star

AlexLK wrote: »

Thank you, HBS. How's the new job?

Sorry to hear you've had pneumonia and hope you're recovering.


Today she decided that we were going to be going out to a restaurant on Friday night, not doing what was planned. I told her that our son has orchestra and I wanted to stick with the (meal) plan as I'd already bought the food. She decided to try the "I'll go out with the two work colleagues and it could get messy" (and it's my fault she'll not be well on Saturday, of course because I didn't go out with her) guilt trip. I told her it was her choice if she wanted to go out with them and I hoped one of her work colleagues would be happy to pick her up from home to get her car... "You and your mother could do it." ... "Going to horse riding" ... "After?" ... "Not sure but I do know it doesn't involve picking your car up" ...

The new job is absolutely fantastic. I love being back in a lab again, messing about with tissues and staining

Still coughing like a good 'un, but thankfully the antibiotics have done their job and I'm not rattly anymore. Apparently the cough can persist for a little while so I've just got to keep an eye on it.

Well done on rebuffing the guilt trip! She's an adult so she can bloody well act like one. I definitely think she's used to quiet Alex who she can boss around, and she's not liking assertive Alex. We do, though.

HBS x

misscousinitt

Well done you!

MCI