Renovations and Repayments.

LadyGnome

Hang in there Alex. I am glad you are prioritising your wife and son over your parents. It's clear that they are trying to use money as a control mechanism. Good thing you've worked so hard to get your finances under control and in good shape. Their threats don't carry as much weight when you can manage without their money.

A couple of practical thoughts to help with your sleep.

Get some daylight in the morning, you can eat your breakfast in the garden or go for a walk. Daylight in the morning helps link your body clock to actual time (this is not woo - it was suggested by a German professor of chronobiology http://www.hup.harvard.edu/catalog.php?isbn=9780674065857 (science of the bodyclock)).

If intrusive thoughts are keeping you awake there are some good relaxation apps available - I have some for the children too and they do work. I think it is a combination of relaxation and distraction.

As you like music could you put together a relaxing playlist to listen to when you can't get to sleep so your brain has something else to focus on. I am not religious but find Gregorian Chant relaxing. I'd probably leave out the Radetzky March and anything by Stockhausen if I was you:rotfl:

Consider trying mindfulness meditation as this has now been shown to help with depression. (Again not woo as it has increasing scientific support http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/pages/mindfulness.aspx)

cazmanian_minx

AlexLK wrote: »

To be honest, I've had enough trying to please them at the detriment of my marriage for the time being.

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newgirly

Good for you Alex

AlexLK

gallygirl wrote: »

Fixed that for you Alex .

:rotfl:

A_Frayed_Knot wrote: »

Seems, your father is trying all ways and every ways to try and win this "battle.

If you manage to hold out on this, you will show that he cannot manipulate or blackmail you over your son's education, seems he grasping at straws, here. Sounds a desperate man. If you give in, he will continue to manipulate and control you in every way he can. Don't let him. When it comes time for your son's education to move on, I'm sure your mother will step in

Sounds like make or break time, and pleased to read you are putting your marriage and family first - you are on your way to gaining your self esteem back. Well done.

Yes, they are meant to base on previous years usage. However, we swapped from a different supplier by using uswitch. For some reason the predicted electricity usage was much less than the figure I quoted on uswitch. Had I known the amount I was really going to be charged for the year, I'd have stayed with the previous supplier as it was no different and I was just billed quarterly rather than having another direct debit. I only chose direct debit because I was meant to be making a "saving" which has clearly not materialised. :mad:

Re. sleep. It seems much easier said than done for me. If I go to bed early, I cannot sleep. For some reason no matter how little sleep I get I seem to wake up when I should be wanting to go to bed. Most days I feel quite ill with the lack of sleep and I'm convinced it grossly affects my productivity. On the occasions I do sleep well over a few days, I am a lot better and work better, want to get things done and as a consequence usually find I earn some money. As it is, I'm getting hardly any sleep and cannot find any motivation.

You're right about my father. However, I'm not really sure how much longer I can let this go on for. We went there for lunch today, can't say the atmosphere was very nice and it was the first time my son has been to their house since the "incident". Mother asked I reconsider my position as I am apparently as much the guilty party as father for refusing to "move on". She also brought up my father's often unpredictable health, something which has been weighing on my mind awfully since our falling out. I wish I didn't have to choose between staying on my wife's good side or staying on the parents' good side.

Not sure about regaining back self esteem but this has certainly allowed my wife and I to talk about a lot of things and consider our own future. She's told me she understands I want a new challenge today. Do wonder when she's going to decide she's bored with our currently wonderful relationship, though. :rotfl:

AlexLK

LadyGnome wrote: »

Hang in there Alex. I am glad you are prioritising your wife and son over your parents. It's clear that they are trying to use money as a control mechanism. Good thing you've worked so hard to get your finances under control and in good shape. Their threats don't carry as much weight when you can manage without their money.

A couple of practical thoughts to help with your sleep.

Get some daylight in the morning, you can eat your breakfast in the garden or go for a walk. Daylight in the morning helps link your body clock to actual time (this is not woo - it was suggested by a German professor of chronobiology http://www.hup.harvard.edu/catalog.php?isbn=9780674065857 (science of the bodyclock)).

If intrusive thoughts are keeping you awake there are some good relaxation apps available - I have some for the children too and they do work. I think it is a combination of relaxation and distraction.

As you like music could you put together a relaxing playlist to listen to when you can't get to sleep so your brain has something else to focus on. I am not religious but find Gregorian Chant relaxing. I'd probably leave out the Radetzky March and anything by Stockhausen if I was you:rotfl:

Consider trying mindfulness meditation as this has now been shown to help with depression. (Again not woo as it has increasing scientific support http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/pages/mindfulness.aspx)

:rotfl: My parents have long tried to control everything with money. So far as they're concerned I'm their biggest problem. Our finances aren't so bad at the moment. Wife keeps saying we don't need them (parents). Can't say I'm so convinced but things are OK at the moment.

I do have a walk in the morning as I walk to school with my son and our dog almost every morning.

Re. relaxation apps, I'll have a look on the app store but am reluctant to buy anything. Usually, I'm so skeptical of such things that I convince myself they won't work which likely makes them less likely to work?

I used to listen to Bach. It worked but not if my mind was overly occupied. :rotfl: Re. Stockhausen.

I'll take a look at doing the online mindfulness course linked on the NHS website. I have seen someone about it before but wasn't really open to it. Looking back I wasn't really open to much in the way of treatment or therapy.

cazmanian_minx wrote: »

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newgirly wrote: »

Good for you Alex

Thanks both.

AlexLK

General finances: Generally both my wife and I have been good and not spent much money. Sold the BMW 5 Series, so that's another one gone which we didn't use anymore and needed to pay tax / insurance for. Money has gone into the "car account". It was time for it to go. Next up are the Triumph saloon and the TR6. Also have a list of things to sell from the garage but not had the motivation. However, we are getting somewhere with sorting and selling or throwing away all this stuff we have around us.

House: Nothing done, waiting on the TR6 going to get started. We've spent a bit of time looking at what we can do to the bathroom, though.

Savings: £4,300 year to date total. Must update signature! Car account is also looking a little more healthy with two sold.

Mortgage: Made a £100 overpayment and set a target for a £300 in July which the money for has been set aside for. This was set with my wife, so I'm hoping we'll stick to it and she'll decide it's better not to spend the money set aside on other things.

Declutter: This has come to a standstill over the past week. We've a backlog of things to sell and I don't see the declutter starting again until some things go up for sale.

A_Frayed_Knot

AlexLK wrote: »

General finances: Well, where do I start :happyhear Not spending much, SOLD the 2nd Car :A have a list of clutter to sell, and you are getting somewhere - your words not mine :DWhat can I say, except - good work, Alex :T and wife.

House: Well for the moment, your busy decluttering and selling, so wouldn't think too much happening on the house front

Savings: Your on a roll

Mortgage: What !!! was that I read - You and your wife have set a target Definitely a Team works much better

Declutter: Take your time - you are doing fantastically well already, 2 cars gone :eek:, clutter looked out and some items away to the skip :j

You are putting me to shame OK, so now I'm shamed into decluttering, started on my wardrobe already, and 2 pairs of shoes, 2 pairs of boots, 1 pair of slippers and 2 handbags - away to skip. I have brand new brollies x 3, 2 pairs brand new shoes and 2 brand new handbags that need re-homed so they are well and truely installed in my 3rd bedroom/now called stock room/gift centre :rotfl: Now I'm away to start on my everyday wardrobe I've got the bug

Former_E.ON_Company_Representative:_Malc

AlexLK wrote: »

Today I had a fraught conversation with EON over our energy bill. To cut a long story short, our direct debit has gone up significantly because we've been using more energy than they'd predicted. It's only taken them 7 months to spot this, though. :eek: Further, we use no more than when we were with British Gas as nothing has changed. All EON could say was that they could send someone out to look at our boiler and see how well insulated our house is in order to advise us about how to use less energy. Anyhow, upon further investigation I found the original estimated electricity usage to be way under the figure we'd put into uswitch when we swapped. Funnily enough our "bill" is around the same figure as the amount we should've "saved". To be honest, I wish we'd never switched now.

AlexLK wrote: »

Interesting and concerning that I'm not the only one this has happened to re. Eon. Was your mother's predicted usage less than she had quoted also? :mad:

AlexLK wrote: »

Yes, they are meant to base on previous years usage. However, we swapped from a different supplier by using uswitch. For some reason the predicted electricity usage was much less than the figure I quoted on uswitch. Had I known the amount I was really going to be charged for the year, I'd have stayed with the previous supplier as it was no different and I was just billed quarterly rather than having another direct debit. I only chose direct debit because I was meant to be making a "saving" which has clearly not materialised. :mad:

Hello AlexLK and I'm sorry your conversation with us was fraught. Thought I'd pop on with a bit of information about our Monthly Direct Debits and to let you know about an online tool to give you more control over the arrangement.

Monthly Direct Debits are based on current prices and past usage. An alteration in either usually triggers a change in the monthly payments. They're spread over a full 12 months and aim to achieve as near as possible to a zero balance by the time of the annual review. To this end, we review arrangements every quarter but will only seek to change the amount, if necessary, at the six monthly or annual points. At the other times, we'll let you know (usually on the bills) if we think an increase/decrease is needed but leave it up to you to make any adjustments.

Following a change of supplier, payments are initially based on what customers tell us at the point of sale about their past usage. It's always best to let us have usage in kWh as this tends to be more accurate. After this, we prefer to base reviews on the ongoing meter readings. The more meter readings we have, the more accurate the forecasts of predicted usage will be.

There's an online tool to help customers keep on top of this. It's the Direct Debit Manager. To use this, customers need to have registered with our website. It helps them see how payments stack up against usage and lets customers alter the amount to suit changing circumstances. Provided the account is billed up to the latest readings, payments can be changed by up to 20 per cent up or down. By up to 5 per cent up or down without readings. Before confirming the new amount, we'll let you know by how much we anticipate the account will be in credit/debit by the time of the annual review if payments are changed but usage doesn't alter as expected.

I suspect our advisor also told you about possibilities under the Energy Company Obligation. This is a Government led scheme that aims to cut usage by providing help with energy saving stuff like boiler replacements, loft and cavity wall insulation.

Hope this is of interest AlexLK. Let me know if you've any questions as happy to help.

Malc

Former_E.ON_Company_Representative:_Malc

A_Frayed_Knot wrote: »

The exact same thing has happened to my mum re E0n. The way I see it is they are taking an average over the winter months, thinking this will be used throughout the year, when in fact a whole loss less will be used over the summer months. Wonder if they would have reduced the payments had they taken the average over the summer months :rotfl:

Afternoon A Frayed Knot. Hope my post above about our Monthly Direct Debits was of interest to you too.

Ideally, we prefer to take a full 12 months usage and spread this out evenly over the year. It's likely you'll use more in winter than summer so may have a credit balance during the summer ready for the more expensive winter months.

When we review arrangements, if payments are running ahead of expected usage, we'll lower the monthly amount to match this change. Usually, this is at the mid-point and annual reviews. The aim is to have as near as possible to a zero balance by the time of the annual review. Energy usage, though, isn't an exact science as individual circumstances can change quite a lot. The Direct Debit Manager is one way customers can keep track of things. Also, at the annual review, any credit balance over a fiver is automatically refunded. Any debit balance at this time is included in the ongoing arrangement and spread up to the next review.

Let me know if you need any more information A Frayed Knot as happy to help.

Malc

AlexLK

Thanks for clarifying how the direct debit works, EON. To be honest, I'd only ever paid quarterly for my energy before and have calmed down a little since. I perhaps didn't enter kwh as the unit for comparison into uswitch when I swapped.