Renovations and Repayments.

AlexLK

ourcornercottage wrote: »

You parent very well. End of conversation.

Your friend is being a snob. 6 month olds can't walk so how can they do ballet LOL. I expect it's a very trendy expensive class but as the saying goes a fool and his money are easily parted! When my son was young it was baby signing. I chose the option of actually speaking to him a lot! He has a great vocabulary now.

It's nice to hear you talking about options regarding schooling. Prep school might or might not be the best for your son.

In fact your whole attitude seems to have swung since spending less time with your parents. It's a swing for the better in my opinion

Try not to let this effect your mental health too much. You are 100% right do shouldn't be worrying/anxious.

I try my best.

My son didn't go to any "classes".

At this moment in time I don't think my wife and I know what's going to be the best option.

My wife thinks I'm a "better person" when I'm not with my parents. She thinks they bring out the worst in me! It is making me very anxious. Today I had a particularly bad panic attack (seem to happen more when I'm not sleeping). My son was with me. All this sort of stuff I do think is not good for him but I don't seem to be able to pull myself together.

LadyGnome wrote: »

I am glad you are considering the schooling options that best suit your son. I remember walking into one pre-prep in the pushier parts of London and thinking that it would not suit my slightly more free range boys. The prep they go to (day only) was friendly and sporty which suited them a lot more.

Your friend sounds like he is outsourcing his parenting so I wouldn't compare yourself to him. People often expect their children to follow a similar path without thinking if it is the right thing for the child. I had an enlightening conversation with someone where she said "our son will go to [insert name of well known boarding school]. His Father went there." I asked if she thought that school would suit her son and she looked at me blankly. Clearly matching the child to the school wasn't part of the equation.

I was adamant for a long time that my son would go to the same schools I did because I had a great time at school. I realise this may not be right for my son as things are very different for him. This may sound rather sad but for me when I was growing up school was my family.

Watty1 wrote: »

For heavens sake why ever not???? Sure you have health issues and as people frequently point out to you, some very odd ideas, but you are interested in your son, you talk to him, you care about a relationship with him, you have encouraged him to have interests and develop skills. You sound ideal father material to me .......

I doubt I'll ever think myself good enough, Watty.

cazmanian_minx

AlexLK wrote: »

I was adamant for a long time that my son would go to the same schools I did because I had a great time at school. I realise this may not be right for my son as things are very different for him. This may sound rather sad but for me when I was growing up school was my family.

My mother was too. I went to the boarding school (as a day girl, mostly) she adored from 7 to 18 and really did not have a good time there. She apologised to me about 10 years after I left, saying she knew I was unhappy there, but part of her didn't want to believe that somewhere that had given her so many wonderful memories could be such a miserable place for me.

Very glad you're not going to do the same thing and I agree with all the others that spending a bit more time away from your parents seems to be doing you the power of good

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newgirly

Tiredness will have a big impact when it comes to panic attacks, my dh went through a period of suffering with them (due to work related stress) it's horrid, the kids found him crying on the floor one evening In the kitchen, which was totally out of charachter and a bit of a shock to them.

Although they were older than your ds, I don't think it harms children to see that their parents are not perfect. Did he realise something was wrong? If he did maybe it's time to have a chat and tell him in an age appropriate way sometimes daddy needs to stop what he is doing and "have a rest" It may well be that he didn't realise there was a problem though, and you are worrying that he did.

If I were you I would stop all thoughts about schooling for the moment, you have a while before that all needs dealing with and probably enough on your plate stress wise - the best thing to do for him may well become very clear by the time you need to make the choice!

It's pointless saying don't worry about the panics attacks, but for my dh they did pass and he has not had any for a couple of years (even though the stress is often still there) and if you can't sleep rest anyway, read or watch a film, it's better than nothing.

Do you have anything planned for the summer holidays? Now might be a good time to get some ideas for nice days out and adventures for you and littlek

AlexLK

cazmanian_minx wrote: »

My mother was too. I went to the boarding school (as a day girl, mostly) she adored from 7 to 18 and really did not have a good time there. She apologised to me about 10 years after I left, saying she knew I was unhappy there, but part of her didn't want to believe that somewhere that had given her so many wonderful memories could be such a miserable place for me.

Very glad you're not going to do the same thing and I agree with all the others that spending a bit more time away from your parents seems to be doing you the power of good

Thanks, Caz. Your words have helped to make me realise my wife and I need to make the right decision for our son.

newgirly wrote: »

Tiredness will have a big impact when it comes to panic attacks, my dh went through a period of suffering with them (due to work related stress) it's horrid, the kids found him crying on the floor one evening In the kitchen, which was totally out of charachter and a bit of a shock to them.

Although they were older than your ds, I don't think it harms children to see that their parents are not perfect. Did he realise something was wrong? If he did maybe it's time to have a chat and tell him in an age appropriate way sometimes daddy needs to stop what he is doing and "have a rest" It may well be that he didn't realise there was a problem though, and you are worrying that he did.

If I were you I would stop all thoughts about schooling for the moment, you have a while before that all needs dealing with and probably enough on your plate stress wise - the best thing to do for him may well become very clear by the time you need to make the choice!

It's pointless saying don't worry about the panics attacks, but for my dh they did pass and he has not had any for a couple of years (even though the stress is often still there) and if you can't sleep rest anyway, read or watch a film, it's better than nothing.

Do you have anything planned for the summer holidays? Now might be a good time to get some ideas for nice days out and adventures for you and littlek

Thanks, NG. Sorry to hear about your husband but can't say I'm too surprised after the mentions in your diary about the kind of hours he works. I doubt the panic attacks will ever completely pass for me, I had my first one at 17 though I didn't realise it at the time. I spent the next ten years trying to bottle everything up until I wound up having a complete breakdown. Some years are worse than others, this year hasn't been great. My son is aware but I'm still ashamed I cannot be strong for him. I am concerned my example is not a good one but I don't seem to be able to control my issues with sleep, anxiety and depression.

Re. schooling I just want to do the right thing. I'd not been thinking about it too much recently until the conversation with my old school friend.

We have a few days out and walks planned for the summer holiday. No dates for when we'll do anything yet, though I'm aware it's edging closer. :eek:

AlexLK

Today I had a fraught conversation with EON over our energy bill. To cut a long story short, our direct debit has gone up significantly because we've been using more energy than they'd predicted. It's only taken them 7 months to spot this, though. :eek: Further, we use no more than when we were with British Gas as nothing has changed. All EON could say was that they could send someone out to look at our boiler and see how well insulated our house is in order to advise us about how to use less energy. Anyhow, upon further investigation I found the original estimated electricity usage to be way under the figure we'd put into uswitch when we swapped. Funnily enough our "bill" is around the same figure as the amount we should've "saved". To be honest, I wish we'd never switched now.

It's not been a great day. The weather has been awful and we've not done a lot. I stayed up all night on Thursday as I was interested in the referendum result only to over sleep last night / this morning. Really need to try to get my sleeping schedule into some kind of a routine as I think it's making me ill. Hadn't expected we'd be leaving but am interested to see what happens over the coming months. I've been dismayed to read the vitriol being spouted by some remainers and the call for a second referendum. Further surprised by Cameron's resignation but I applaud him for standing by his own principles.

Yesterday my father also decided to tell me I need to "behave myself", apologise and admit I was wrong or he'd make "things difficult". :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

A_Frayed_Knot

The exact same thing has happened to my mum re E0n. The way I see it is they are taking an average over the winter months, thinking this will be used throughout the year, when in fact a whole loss less will be used over the summer months. Wonder if they would have reduced the payments had they taken the average over the summer months :rotfl:

Just had a couple of heavy showers here, so weather not too bad, but we may be in for some thunder and lightening :eek:

Good idea, get to bed early, thought you were going to head to bed same time as Mrs LK ??

Your father needs to behave himself, and I do believe you could "make things just as difficult"

gallygirl

AlexLK wrote: »

Yesterday my father also decided to tell me I need to "behave myself", apologise and admit I was wrong or he'd make "things difficult". :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Or what - he'll put you over his knee :rotfl:. He needs to be made to sit on the naughty step and think about what he's done .

AlexLK

A_Frayed_Knot wrote: »

The exact same thing has happened to my mum re E0n. The way I see it is they are taking an average over the winter months, thinking this will be used throughout the year, when in fact a whole loss less will be used over the summer months. Wonder if they would have reduced the payments had they taken the average over the summer months :rotfl:

Just had a couple of heavy showers here, so weather not too bad, but we may be in for some thunder and lightening :eek:

Good idea, get to bed early, thought you were going to head to bed same time as Mrs LK ??

Your father needs to behave himself, and I do believe you could "make things just as difficult"

Interesting and concerning that I'm not the only one this has happened to re. Eon. Was your mother's predicted usage less than she had quoted also? :mad:

I should but don't. This last week has been awful for sleep. I've no idea how to resolve, either.:(

:rotfl: My father doesn't really care at the moment and is livid I've not yet conceded.

gallygirl wrote: »

Or what - he'll put you over his knee :rotfl:. He needs to be made to sit on the naughty step and think about what he's done .

:rotfl: No, he's taken my "allowance" instead. Most recently father said unless I apologise he won't fund my son's education, seems he's graduated from putting me over his knee and onto threatening me over money. Mind, that's nothing new either. My mother is getting rather annoyed I haven't done as I'm told. It's all about what suits them and no one else, of course. To be honest, I've had enough trying to please them at the detriment of my marriage for the time being.

gallygirl

AlexLK wrote: »

To be honest, I've had enough trying to please them at the detriment of my marriage[STRIKE] for the time being.[/STRIKE]

Fixed that for you Alex .

A_Frayed_Knot

AlexLK wrote: »

Interesting and concerning that I'm not the only one this has happened to re. Eon. Was your mother's predicted usage less than she had quoted also? :mad:

If I remember right, they based the usage on the previous years readings.

I should but don't. This last week has been awful for sleep. I've no idea how to resolve, either.

:eek: Early to bed and buy ... some ... Lavender !!!

:rotfl: My father doesn't really care at the moment and is livid I've not yet conceded.

:T Good for you, keep strong

:rotfl: No, he's taken my "allowance" instead. Most recently father said unless I apologise he won't fund my son's education, seems he's graduated from putting me over his knee and onto threatening me over money. Mind, that's nothing new either. My mother is getting rather annoyed I haven't done as I'm told. It's all about what suits them and no one else, of course. To be honest, I've had enough trying to please them at the detriment of my marriage for the time being.

Seems, your father is trying all ways and every ways to try and win this "battle.

If you manage to hold out on this, you will show that he cannot manipulate or blackmail you over your son's education, seems he grasping at straws, here. Sounds a desperate man. If you give in, he will continue to manipulate and control you in every way he can. Don't let him. When it comes time for your son's education to move on, I'm sure your mother will step in

Sounds like make or break time, and pleased to read you are putting your marriage and family first - you are on your way to gaining your self esteem back. Well done.