Renovations and Repayments.

newgirly

What a thoroughly rude "friend" you have :eek: some people have no manners and lady gnome hit the nail on the head I think

tootallulah

Very rude friend I must say. You have made good plans for your son and have given him the precious gift of your time and a feeling of security. How lucky that you were able to do this, really don't enter into child rearing "keeping up with the Jones's' all you can do is what is right for you and your child. I pity the baby ballet child!

A_Frayed_Knot

LadyGnome wrote: »

You might get away with the very British approach of pretending nothing happened. Say to your Mum, as she seems more reasonable, that you won't apologise but you don't expect your Father to apologise either (because you know for a fact he won't). However, you are willing to put it behind you providing they don't bring it up again or repeat the behaviour that caused the problem.

Was thinking along the same lines Agree to disagree, but remind them - he is your son

AlexLK

LadyGnome wrote: »

You might get away with the very British approach of pretending nothing happened. Say to your Mum, as she seems more reasonable, that you won't apologise but you don't expect your Father to apologise either (because you know for a fact he won't). However, you are willing to put it behind you providing they don't bring it up again or repeat the behaviour that caused the problem.

I'm going to have to try something. Went to bed at the same time as my wife but couldn't sleep despite no sleep at all last night so I'm up again.

I suppose I don't want to pretend nothing happened because my father has betrayed me. As this has happened before, I don't really trust my father's word that it won't happen again.

LadyGnome wrote: »

We cross posted so I didn't pick this up in my previous post. You will find a lot of parents validate their parenting choices by challenging anyone who does something different. You often see this is state v private debates e.g. I decided not to send little Esme private because I want her to mix with all types and anyone who sends their child private does it out of snobbery versus all state school children are feral that is why we are right to shell out £xxxx per year for private. Neither are balanced or rational, its more a form of self justification.


I think the best answer is "its the right choice for him at the moment we will keep things under review". You know your child better than anyone and if he is happy and learning (not just school stuff) then he is fine.

At the moment my son would struggle with pre-prep as he finds being at school quite difficult (not talking about academically, here). The intention has been that he will go to prep school as a day boy but at the moment I'm not sure he'd cope particularly well. I suppose that remains to be seen as he will grow. After a lot of difficulties, he's started to make some friends at our village school (less than 25 kids from Reception to Year 6) and at the moment the friendships seem more important.

I was very against my son going to a state school for a long time and I still have my reservations about certain things to do with the school. However, I'd have some reservation or another no matter the school.

newgirly wrote: »

What a thoroughly rude "friend" you have :eek: some people have no manners and lady gnome hit the nail on the head I think

I don't think he was being rude as such, rather I took his comments personally. It's not his fault I doubt myself so much because I constantly worry I'm not doing the right thing for my son, something he's not aware of.

AlexLK

tootallulah wrote: »

Very rude friend I must say. You have made good plans for your son and have given him the precious gift of your time and a feeling of security. How lucky that you were able to do this, really don't enter into child rearing "keeping up with the Jones's' all you can do is what is right for you and your child. I pity the baby ballet child!

I'm always concerned about whether or not my methods are the "right" ones. I have a lot of trouble "letting go" of my son, mainly because I am terrified it's not beyond the realm of possibility that he could end up like me in adulthood. Wife thinks I'm like this because I care too much. :rotfl:

My old school friends have all done well for themselves so I suppose I find talking to them difficult at the best of times. It was especially difficult as I put a lot of effort into parenting and felt I was being called out for not being very good at something I've tried really hard at when he spent all of 2 days from work when his daughter was born and doesn't seem to try very hard.

Bluefire wrote: »

The only way nursery is a more stimulating environment for a six month old than being at home is if very little is being done to stimulate them at home. That says far more about their parenting than it does yours Alex.

Because their way of doing things will definitely result in them raising a successful prima ballerina...

My wife and I really struggled when our son was very small but tried our best. I suppose it seems like they're walking it. I found it very hard when my son started nursery and he only did 2 afternoons per week. I'm scared that I'm potentially messing my son's life up and I'm not a father he can look up to as a role model. School friend kept telling me that daughters need positive female role models and how wonderful his wife is and sons need positive male role models. Can't say I think I fit that description.

:rotfl: Re. ballet. I'm still perplexed how a 6 month old can "do" ballet.

A_Frayed_Knot wrote: »

Was thinking along the same lines Agree to disagree, but remind them - he is your son

Thanks, AFK.

ourcornercottage

You parent very well. End of conversation.

Your friend is being a snob. 6 month olds can't walk so how can they do ballet LOL. I expect it's a very trendy expensive class but as the saying goes a fool and his money are easily parted! When my son was young it was baby signing. I chose the option of actually speaking to him a lot! He has a great vocabulary now.

It's nice to hear you talking about options regarding schooling. Prep school might or might not be the best for your son.

In fact your whole attitude seems to have swung since spending less time with your parents. It's a swing for the better in my opinion

Try not to let this effect your mental health too much. You are 100% right do shouldn't be worrying/anxious.

LadyGnome

I am glad you are considering the schooling options that best suit your son. I remember walking into one pre-prep in the pushier parts of London and thinking that it would not suit my slightly more free range boys. The prep they go to (day only) was friendly and sporty which suited them a lot more.

Your friend sounds like he is outsourcing his parenting so I wouldn't compare yourself to him. People often expect their children to follow a similar path without thinking if it is the right thing for the child. I had an enlightening conversation with someone where she said "our son will go to [insert name of well known boarding school]. His Father went there." I asked if she thought that school would suit her son and she looked at me blankly. Clearly matching the child to the school wasn't part of the equation.

Watty1

AlexLK wrote: »

.

life up and I'm not a father he can look up to as a role model. School friend kept telling me that daughters need positive female role models and how wonderful his wife is and sons need positive male role models. Can't say I think I fit that description.

For heavens sake why ever not???? Sure you have health issues and as people frequently point out to you, some very odd ideas, but you are interested in your son, you talk to him, you care about a relationship with him, you have encouraged him to have interests and develop skills. You sound ideal father material to me .......

A_Frayed_Knot

A_Frayed_Knot wrote: »

And, is it just me, as on reading your most recent posts, I do feel you are coming over as a much lighter "you" as if a weight has been lifted off your shoulders with a touch of wicked sense of humour in there too :rotfl:

ourcornercottage wrote: »

In fact your whole attitude seems to have swung since spending less time with your parents. It's a swing for the better in my opinion

Try not to let this effect your mental health too much. You are 100% right do shouldn't be worrying/anxious.

:T OCC - I noticed this, as well :T All for the better :j

AlexLK

I've not had a great day today, the lack of sleep has been catching up on me. Not spoken to the parents today ... avoiding them. We have been good with the finances as of late and starting to see an improvement in our current account.

Had a nice drive out this evening and a walk along the river, so hoping I'll sleep tonight.