should i move back home?

ognum

Jagraf wrote: »

I would welcome kids back with open arms, no problem there. I would do anything possible as a parent to help them.

However, if they decide to come and live at home (which is generally for convenience rather than anything else) then they would have to live by my rules. It has nothing to do with them being independent or adults, it has to do with the fact that they are living in my house, and saving money by doing so. I would say that most of the rules would just continue along the line of when they were at home previously, with some adjustment. I suppose they are house rules that we all have lived by.

I don't get why parents feel threatened that their kids may not return if they don't roll over and let them do what they want? I've heard this a lot with grandparents "oh if I don't do this I would be ale to look after my grandson again" etc.

I'm quite laid back I feel, however, if I had an issue with one of my kids bringing their boyfriend round at 3 in the morning, the choice would be to not do that, or to find somewhere else to live. A example might be that I don't like people lying on the sofa eating their dinner. Frankly I don't care how old my child is they won't do it. But then neither would granny!

I do understand the respect, but to be honest the onus is on the child (adult ) to agree to the terms, or not, and find another solution.

I guess we are talking a totally different language and different parenting.

I don't understand the need for rules, if you have bought your children up understanding why you don't lie on the sofa to eat a meal then they won't do it.

If you have bought them up to be thinking individuals making their own choices they will automatically think about others without 'rules'

victor2

ognum wrote: »

I don't understand the need for rules, if you have bought your children up understanding why you don't lie on the sofa to eat a meal then they won't do it.

So you always explain every statement to your children and have never said "because I say so!" when they've questioned something you've told them?

j.e.j.

victor2 wrote: »

So how many dates exactly does it take to transform from the "one-night stand" to "long term"?

I think from a parents point of view it's whether you know the boy/man. Obviously if it's some random they've picked up in a club you don't want a stranger in your house. But if it's someone you've known for a while and you like them and trust them, that is where I'd draw the line.

Worry_Wart

My brother was in a similar situation. He and his now wife were not allowed to sleep together in his parent's house until they were married. We chuckle about it now, but his fiancee as she was then, who he shared a house with, had no problem with the situation.

But what if they never got married? Lots of people don't these days. They would never be allowed to stay over.

Anyway, OP, don't move back home. Value your independence - you'll work something out.

ognum

victor2 wrote: »

So you always explain every statement to your children and have never said "because I say so!" when they've questioned something you've told them?

My children are in their 30s, they both own their own homes so this is no longer applicable, they have both had friends stay over at our home overnight when at uni and after they left.

'Because I say so' is not something I would say to any adult, be it my children or the man in the street. It is also not an argument I would accept!

Jagraf

ognum wrote: »

I guess we are talking a totally different language and different parenting.

I don't understand the need for rules, if you have bought your children up understanding why you don't lie on the sofa to eat a meal then they won't do it.

If you have bought them up to be thinking individuals making their own choices they will automatically think about others without 'rules'

At what age and in what situation do you stop living by rules? I'm a bit confused. I've been brought up knowing there will always be rules. Rules set by your employers, legal requirements etc.

I'm not parenting my adult children, I'm expecting them to stick to my house rules.

Jagraf

ognum wrote: »

My children are in their 30s, they both own their own homes so this is no longer applicable, they have both had friends stay over at our home overnight when at uni and after they left.

'Because I say so' is not something I would say to any adult, be it my children or the man in the street. It is also not an argument I would accept!

I'm in my mid forties and my parents still say to me "because I say so" lol. Long may it continue. One feisty mum!

ognum

Jagraf wrote: »

I'm in my mid forties and my parents still say to me "because I say so" lol. Long may it continue. One feisty mum!

If you are happy to live that way and never question then good for you, we are all not the same!

ognum

Jagraf wrote: »

At what age and in what situation do you stop living by rules? I'm a bit confused. I've been brought up knowing there will always be rules. Rules set by your employers, legal requirements etc.

I'm not parenting my adult children, I'm expecting them to stick to my house rules.

You should not be parenting your adult children they should be adults, your equal.

Jagraf

ognum wrote: »

You should not be parenting your adult children they should be adults, your equal.

Equal in my own house? That's what I am saying. Do I treat them as lodgers then? If so I need a set of rules ..... If I treat them as my kids, I need a set of rules. My house, my rules. Just like any other environment. It doesn't mean they are not equal as people, whether child or adult actually, but it's my house. I would go with the rules in their house too. Wouldn't you?