Should you look after your girlfriend's daughter.

Guest101

quidsy wrote: »

I'm of the opposing view about the "dancing" job. If she has the body for it then swinging a pole is a good way of earning a lot of money quickly. Not what she's doing, but fair enough. The issue here is 1) her willingness to leave her 3.5 yo with someone she has known a year without restarting this debate, this is your viewpoint and valid in your opinion, others dont necessarily agree 2) expecting that person to give up a lot of their time to do it & deal with the level of work it takes to look after a kid that age. It's bladdy exhausting this is spot on. And getting upset about it when they person refuses. Though i can see independence etc is important in this situation. Benefits changing and money going to be tight, + young, + wanting to do what she enjoys..

Just expanding on what you put

Jagraf

Haven't read whole thread, but nearly a year, with a child who can speak, it plenty. At 7 my DD was staying at other people's houses for sleepovers etc and her stepdad / stepmom regularly looked after her even in the early days.

And someone else pointed out, many babies are the result of one night stands where the two parents don't even know each other, but we consider that perfect safe.

Don't know all the ins and outs but op, if you feel happy do it, if you don't, don't. It's up to you really and what you feel comfy with.

Jagraf

pearl123 wrote: »

I find it bizarre that a "caring" mother would find it acceptable to work such times.

Why, what does it have to do with whether she is caring?

j.e.j.

Guest101 wrote: »

Dancing instructor immediately comes to mind. Self employed kids tutor, or part of a local organisation.

Genuine question, but can someone get the OK for working with kids if they've previously been working in the sex industry?


And even if she were to pass the DBS check it might be a bit awkward if she were to see the kids' dads to help with the childrens homework , having possibly been seen by them in the bar prior to that, legs akimbo and wearing next to nothing.

pollyanna24

quidsy wrote: »

I have a 7 year old son & I wouldn't leave him overnight alone with a new partner no matter how long we had been together. My sister divorced when her ds was 6 & ds is now 16 & she has never been left with anyone overnight except her real father, grandparents or me.

I find the whole concept of leaving your children, your most precious thing, with someone you know in a limited capacity very telling on the type of parent they are. I would be very loath to continue a relationship with someone so willing to palm her kid off to someone she has dated for a year but has never lived with or had a more committed relationship with. Proceed with caution, esp if you plan on having kids with her, in the future she might be palming YOUR child off on a new bf whilst she goes to work.

Haven't read the whole thread, but when you say you wouldn't leave your child with a "new" partner no matter how long you had been together, is he still "new" after say five years? Cos you said no matter how long you'd been together....

pollyanna24

pearl123 wrote: »

I find it bizarre that a "caring" mother would find it acceptable to work such times.

Why? The kids are asleep, so they won't be losing quality time.

I think what I have is worse, leave house at 8am-6pm and don't get to do school runs.

Guest101

j.e.j. wrote: »

Genuine question, but can someone get the OK for working with kids if they've previously been working in the sex industry?


And even if she were to pass the DBS check it might be a bit awkward if she were to see the kids' dads to help with the childrens homework , having possibly been seen by them in the bar prior to that, legs akimbo and wearing next to nothing.

I don't think you can call it the sex industry, it's entertainment.

But as long as no laws broken, the DBS would come back clean.

As for awkward- this kind of thing is just a normal bar equally likely to be a mum as a dad.

Jagraf

j.e.j. wrote: »

Genuine question, but can someone get the OK for working with kids if they've previously been working in the sex industry?


And even if she were to pass the DBS check it might be a bit awkward if she were to see the kids' dads to help with the childrens homework , having possibly been seen by them in the bar prior to that, legs akimbo and wearing next to nothing.

DBS checks don't operate on whether someone agrees with a person's career choice.

j.e.j.

Guest101 wrote: »

I don't think you can call it the sex industry, it's entertainment.

But as long as no laws broken, the DBS would come back clean.

Taking off (most of) your clothes and dancing for men in a bar is working in the sex industry. But I think you're right, - a DRB check would only show up something illegal, which bar dancing of course isn't.

Jagraf wrote: »

DBS checks don't operate on whether someone agrees with a person's career choice.

It's adviseable to be cautious when thinking of a career working in teaching, or working with children.

Even if you have a job, there is always a chance your past could catch up with you. As well as the embarrassment and potential for staffroom gossip, it can have a drastic impact on your career.


Anyway, I don't know if the OP actually said that she wants to be a teacher? As far as I can tell she just wants to work in a night-club as a bar-maid. Still not an ideal job, given the hours and lifestyle, but not quite as bad as her old job as a bar dancer.

Jagraf

I could be wrong but I don't think you can be judged or discriminated against, in theory, because of past career choices, or by what you wear. And if there is staff room gossip aimed at you then it should be dealt with accordingly.

I'm not sure why either job is a problem with regards to raising a child. Lots of people work nights and do shift work, it fits in well with their lifestyle.

You may not like what she's chosen as a career, but that's irrelevant.