Should you look after your girlfriend's daughter.

RockOnZombies

My girlfriend asked me to look after her daughter so she can go back to work as a bar maid.

We've only been together a little under year and when she asked I must admit had to think about and in the end said no, as her idea was to work in the nightclubs til 4am etc and then sleep during day so in effect I would be looking after her daughter all weekend pretty much every weekend. Her daughter's dad isn't very supportive and we don't live together if that makes any difference. I did say she should look for a job that works around her daughter's school hours a bit better.

It caused something of a major row unfortunately.

Does anyone think I was being harsh in saying no?

FBaby

No you were not. You were honest about how you feel about it. It was fine of her to ask, but she needs to accept your response. You are not responsible for her daughter and it is totally reasonable of you to not be prepared to do it.

Why is she so keen to take on that job? Does she have money problems? Has she tried to apply for other jobs and that's all she could find? It might be good to help her with the wider picture, but stick to your decision.

quidsy

Umm, no. You were perfectly in the right to refuse. You aren't even cohabitating & she expects you to give up your weekends & some evenings to look after her child? What happens if the kid gets ill or you want to go out.

Just. No.

tanith

Not a good idea in my opinion..

peachyprice

No, you shouldn't be looking after her daughter, that's for her to work out with her father.

You're not living together, you're not playing a father role in the child's life, it's not reasonable for her to expect you to look after the child. There are plenty of day time jobs she could do where she could use a childminder or a nursery.

BigAunty

How old is her daughter? Is her daughter coming up to the magic 5 years of age mark where a lone parent is shoved off Income Support and onto JSA? That's when a lot of lone parents look for a 16 hour job to qualify for working tax credits as it gives them a lot of extra money and no hassle from the job centre.

What part time jobs can you think of that may be more school friendly? Supermarket work? What skills, qualifications and experience does she have?

carmina_piranha

No, you weren't being harsh - it's a big ask!

Are her parents able to do it instead? Or maybe they could have the daughter one evening a week, and you have her the other evening with your girlfriend getting up at around lunchtime rather than you spending the whole day babysitting.

I know somebody who managed this sort of job, but she used a few relatives and friends to balance the childcare so nobody had their whole weekend taken up. In her case the child's father had her half of the weekends anyway - does the father have your girlfriend's daughter at all?

Guest101

No you were perfectly reasonable.

An occasional ie once a month evening is one thing. A regular commitment, bit much. She needs to look at caf!s, shops, lunchtime bars or restaurants. - if front of house is her thing

Oh and this is coming from someone whose partner has two children from prev relationships. 'Sperm donors' weren't interested and I was happy to take on the role from about 6 months in. It's if and when you're ready

TBagpuss

I think it depends a little on where you see this relationship going, but at the end of the day if you don't feel comfortable ding it, for whatever reason, you are right to say no. Far better say no, even f it caused a row with your girlfriend, than to say a grudging yes and end up caring for a child while resenting her.

BUNTY

No you were quite right to refuse. You're not even living together. Would you have had to go and stay at her house while she was out working. Is your relationship serious. I know I'm being paranoid here but if she fell out with you and you were looking after her child she could accuse you of anything.

marleyboy

Not at all. should the relationship get more serious to the point of living together as a couple, then it would make a difference.