Should you look after your girlfriend's daughter.

j.e.j.

Guest101 wrote: »

You had to google it?

It could be a mother trying to recapture youth and freedom - not unheard of

Well, yeah. I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt and not just assume she was working in some t*tty bar :rotfl:

*max*

Made me think of this! Sorry...

Guest101

Im presuming slightly here, but the OPs gf is fairly young, 26/27?

Spent last 3.5 years being a mum. some of it alone. - atleast 1 year clearly.

I think the reason is simple. If she takes a 'proper' job, her youth is gone.

Hence the 'keep young' job

RockOnZombies

Yup. She is young, 24. There are no t*ty bars round Swansea any more, the last one closed last year sometime, but they do get very close to it.

SandC

I'd guess it's more money doing that than working on the bar anyway, plus it keeps you fit and she's done it before so knows the ropes.

However, I think she's forgetting that lifestyles have to change when a) you have a child and b) you split up with the child's father. If anyone were to have her daughter every weekend while she works it should be the dad and not the new boyf.

SandC

quidsy wrote: »

Who can say. In my 15 year marriage, I would probably keep it but in a new <2-3 year relationship, not. But the chances of me getting accidentally pregnant would be slim to nil with the proper use of contraception. It's hasn't happened in the 7 years since birthing ds & I'm at it like a rabbit.

Exactly quidsy. If you *really* do not want to get pregnant then you use double contraception or whatever it takes - failure of contraception is usually down to the user and not the contraception itself.

Spendless

If she's always been a dancer since leaving education and before having a child, I can see it's going to be a difficult career choice to fit around having a young child. Performing in shows, theatres aren't going to be suitable due to the hours and travel, working on cruise ships is going to be out.

If she wants to continue in this industry what about getting some qualifications to teach dance instead?

StuC75

So the argument was probably more that people were wanting to change \ disapprove of what she likes to do.. going from looking after a baby to being a carer wasn't liked (more of the same)..

There is a fine line between taking steps to enable someone to do more (driving, car etc), and coming across as quite controlling and manipulative. especially if she is able to earn more at that, and possibly find the thought of a day job on not more than minimum wage as dull dreary,, afterall what would she be earning after paying for childcare?

The Op is already cautious of the fact that she would lose benefits were they to live together; what is he able to suggest as an alternative solution?

Some very judgemental people on here..

quidsy

I'm of the opposing view about the "dancing" job. If she has the body for it then swinging a pole is a good way of earning a lot of money quickly. The issue here is 1) her willingness to leave her 3.5 yo with someone she has known a year 2) expecting that person to give up a lot of their time to do it & deal with the level of work it takes to look after a kid that age. It's bladdy exhausting.

Guest101

StuC75 wrote: »

So the argument was probably more that people were wanting to change \ disapprove of what she likes to do.. going from looking after a baby to being a carer wasn't liked (more of the same)..

There is a fine line between taking steps to enable someone to do more (driving, car etc), and coming across as quite controlling and manipulative. especially if she is able to earn more at that, and possibly find the thought of a day job on not more than minimum wage as dull dreary,, afterall what would she be earning after paying for childcare?

The Op is already cautious of the fact that she would lose benefits were they to live together; what is he able to suggest as an alternative solution?

Some very judgemental people on here..

Since my partner is coming up to the point where she's looking to return to work, i can help

College, qualifications, career in mind (yes dancing can be a career, but she needs to consider the practicalities)

My partner has been full time mum for 8 years, so she's decided that either teaching work or social / care work is for her. and studying that. as well as placement. - the teaching assitant role fits perfectly with school for next 15 years.

Now obviously that may not be for her. But considering more than the next 2-3 years is fundamental. Sure dancing on a bar, late at night, with a few drinks, looking glamourous - im sure there are a lot of women, a lot of mothers, who would love to do this and let their hair down. And thats not a judgment.

But beyond that, she will grow out of it, tire of it. It will put a strain on the relationship too im sure.

Dancing instructor immediately comes to mind. Self employed kids tutor, or part of a local organisation.