Should you look after your girlfriend's daughter.

quidsy

InsideInsurance wrote: »

Not all kids are planned and not everyone believes in abortion

And I never said they are or that every one does. I am offering my personal view.

Guest101

quidsy wrote: »

Ok fair enough. If you don't have any knowledge & experience with grooming then it is hard to understand why parents & especially single mothers, need to be very careful about who they let into their child's life & give unlimited & unsupervised access to.

My sisters ex-oh was having some "emotional issues" when he met a new friend who was very keen for him to come round with his daughter (my 7 yo niece) to "look at his exotic pets", this guy over the course of several months became a "mate" with ex-bil, seeing him even when neice wasn't with him, he eventually "offered" to babysit whilst he went to the pub on night, left it like a nice & casual offer. My bil planned to take him up on it the following weekend until my niece casually mentioned to sister how she didn't like the man with the snakes. Alarm bells went off & my sister got the story off her ex, called the police & he turned out to be a known !!!!!!. Tragedy diverted but how easy it was for this scum to build a relationship with ex-bil in order to get to a 7 yo girl.

We all take calculated risks with ours kids, letting them play outside, allowing them to go to parks or to shops alone & as they get older giving them freedom to be away from the home for hours alone or with friends, these are all based on the child's maturity & abilities & building a trust level with your child. But handing all night & most of the next day care a few times a week to someone you don't even live with would be a risk too far for me.

No one ever thinks it would happen to them, until it does.

Glad tragedy was avoided. Obviously a shock and relief at the same time.

Without picking a fight / argument - isn't this scenario more in line with the sleepover debate we had earlier?

This man was not a BF or partner, but someone who has built up a relationship over bursts. Something like: child goes for sleep over, other parent gets neighbour / sibling / friend to watch the kids whilst they nip out.

SandC

I understand where Quidsy is coming from, most abuse does occur with family members or those brought into the home. This type of abuse is most likely to be ongoing and regular, whereas it's a lot easier for even a young child to get out of going to a particular friend's house, say than to avoid the new man, head of household type scenario.

I don't have children but would still wouldn't live with someone until I'd been with them for a couple of years. If you do have children then it can be just the same - if you have been content with your situation before then why rush cohabiting if your set up is a happy one as it is? Why does it have to be a case of man stepping up to 'parental' type duties if he wants to be in a relationship with someone with children? The daughter's dad is not reliable but he's not completely absent.

InsideInsurance

quidsy wrote: »

And I never said they are or that every one does. I am offering my personal view.

As are we all.... also talking about hypothetical situations.

The point of the post, to which you replied that you wouldnt have kids with someone in under a year, was to ask of what would you do if you did. The "it just wouldnt happen" isnt the most constructive response. I am guessing if an accident happened with you then youd abort it or give it away?

quidsy

I am guessing if an accident happened with you then youd abort it or give it
away?

Who can say. In my 15 year marriage, I would probably keep it but in a new <2-3 year relationship, not. But the chances of me getting accidentally pregnant would be slim to nil with the proper use of contraception. It's hasn't happened in the 7 years since birthing ds & I'm at it like a rabbit.

RockOnZombies

Quidsy - She just wants a job at the moment I think and she knows it's a job she can do, she used to work as bar dancer in Swansea, and her own family and friends have raised concerns about it as a job choice, and suggested she takes something that works around DD's day time hours. Your quite right I don't want become 'Uncle Dad' and she made it very clear when we started seeing each other her DD already had a Dad (even though he's a bit unreliable).

SandC - your right, I wouldn't really live with someone til a couple of years in, other friends have moved in together after only a couple of months and it's worked out great for them, but for me I know it's not right, I'm a little more cautious.

Spendless

RockOnZombies wrote: »

The gf's daughter is only 3 and half so during the mornings is at school and there are jobs around that would work around those hours cause some of her other friends have found them for her.

School nursery hours can be a pain to find employment around fitting them, if her friend have found something that would work round them, I'd snap their hand off.

I can sort of see that she thought working throughout the night on a weekend would be a way of still fitting in nursery run and being at home on an afternoon but considering the child's Dad can't be depended on and you're not co-habiting, I don't think it's fair to ask you to help out to that extent.

j.e.j.

RockOnZombies wrote: »

Quidsy - She just wants a job at the moment I think and she knows it's a job she can do, she used to work as bar dancer in Swansea, and her own family and friends have raised concerns about it as a job choice, and suggested she takes something that works around DD's day time hours.

I google-imaged 'bar dancer' and it's thrown up some er.. interesting results! No I don't think it's an appropriate job for someone with a young daughter, and not just because of the hours. I think this lady needs to realise she's not a carefree teenager any more.

Guest101

j.e.j. wrote: »

I google-imaged 'bar dancer' and it's thrown up some er.. interesting results! No I don't think it's an appropriate job for someone with a young daughter, and not just because of the hours. I think this lady needs to realise she's not a carefree teenager any more.

You had to google it?

It could be a mother trying to recapture youth and freedom - not unheard of

RockOnZombies

Yup j.e.j it would involve not wearing much apart from a pair of hotpants or tiny skirt and tiny top, which is what the other bar dancers in Swansea wear, not sure if that's their official title but it's what they do, dance on the bar.