The Garden Fence - help and support in tough times

nursemaggie

monna I think greenbee is right it sounds a great idea.

I agree with softstuff It is very inconsiderate to not cooperate as it is not their house, they are avoiding having to move.

In my experience relatives can be the worse tenants.

We are probably all guilty of taking our parents for granted. They provided for us until we are adults. We feel guilty if anyone else provides for us but sort of just expect it from our parents.

Is there another relative who would have a word?

monnagran

You talk such sense nursemaggie. It is different when it is your own lovely family who have given you more in love and support than you can ever repay. The financial support may have been mine but everything else has come from them.
I would hate for anyone to think that there is acrimony between us, I owe them too much for that.

I knew it would be OK to vent on here. You are lovely people.

greenbee

It's hard when it's your family, but they need to understand that the sooner it's done, the sooner you can all get back to normal. It'll be less stressful for everyone. And the more money you get for the house the less likely you are to be a financial burden on them.

I take it there is no way you can combine your resources to find a single property with an annexe and still release some capital?

nursemaggie

I am sure you have given far more support to them Monna.

They may not be aware of it but they probably are delaying wanting to move. I'm not blaming them.

Your daughter in law really cannot help it. We untidy people never seem to have the time to put things away or in my case there is no "away" to put anything. Buying storage solutions would just add to the clutter because the only spaces we have are needed to open doors. I am actually going to have to get rid of a chest of draws. I need somewhere to put the things in it before it can go.

It's a difficult situation but actually it was their responsibility to take you in. After all it is your house, and the second commandment.

Most buyers are put off by untidiness. Some can't even imagine their furniture in an empty house. It may take lots of hints and showing of stuff about selling houses.

It's still their responsibility to "get with the program" as the Americans say.

nannywindow

Monna hugs. I agree with Nursemaggie in that your family may be acting subconsciously in wanting to put off the house sale and having to move somewhere else.
Would you be able as a family to sit down together and everyone have their say so that you all understand each others perspective? Perhaps your lovely DIL doesn't realise how you feel ?
I know I wouldn't even want to look around a busy house, as after the first "full " room I would have to walk away.
Anyway hopefully everything will sort itself out soon.

greenbee

Sadly Monna when selling houses you're selling a lifestyle. You may find a buyer who wants they chaotic toy-and-dog filled existence that is the reality of your home. But most want the marketing version of a spotless house with an angelic toddler, smiling grandmother doing the baking (you can provide that) and maybe the mischevious hint of a muddy pawprint across the spotless kitchen floor...

CRANKY40

Do you have to sell your house Monna? What if they stayed where they are and bought somewhere else for you to live. If they bought you a smaller property and added in a bank loan as a means of making up for the equity release they could stay put and you would probably be in a place of your own way quicker. Alternatively they could rent somewhere for you plus bank loan etc and they still get to stay put?

ivyleaf

Oh monnagran, I really feel for you - our house is full of "stuff" as well and it really gets me down (I think I just mentally block it out most of the time), and I'm not even trying to sell mine!
I think nursemaggie has really hit the nail on the head. Sending you virtual (((HUGS))) - not as good as real ones, but the thought is there.

At this end, the tree surgeon we usually use knocked at the door this morning and said they are doing landscaping as well these days, and did we want any work done out the front?

Well....does it need doing? Definitely, it looks awful. And the low wall by the pavement is a bit wobbly, though it's all right as long as a child doesn't walk on it. BUT there is more urgent work needed to the actual house itself....

Whatever, the tree surgeon is a good salesman, and whereas I would have politely explained that we couldn't afford it just atm but would contact him when we could, OH isn't very good at saying things like that , so the guys who do the landscaping (the tree surgeon's sons) have already been and measured up, and will email a quote :eek:

moneyistooshorttomention

Agreed Monna - it's what I call "subtle sabotage". Yes...there is every chance your family arent doing it deliberately/consciously.

But - when push comes to shove - it is your house and they shouldnt be being obstructive about it (even if it isnt being done deliberately/consciously).

elona

monna

Do you have a garage, loft or shed where things could be stuffed out of sight while a viewing is on?

When we were trying to sell a previous house we rented a small storage for clutter and then later used a neighbours garage for a very small charge.

By the time we had several viewings we had got into a well rehearsed routine of putting things out of sight and "staging" rooms to some extent.

I had to rethink the idea of things going in their proper place to one where they were temporarily out of sight.