The Garden Fence - help and support in tough times

pollyanna_26

A lot to catch up on again ! I don't have a lot of time to be online but I catch up when I can .
MONNA - you have had some lovely advice and warm wishes . It's early days yet and you must still be reeling from recent events . Time may not heal but a new way ahead can be possible in time . I wish you well . I have always loved your posts , you have been wise , kind and have a wonderful sense of black humour and with a great sense of the absurd - you are also the most risque person I have ever known in vicarage life ! I wish all good things for you .The sun will shine again

nursemaggie

Monna First of all a great big hug not lots but one continuous hug for as long as you need it.

Of course you are weepy, I'd worry about you if you weren't! You are mourning the loss of your life, the loss of a home and the loss of your independence you have had all your adult life. No wonder the death of a life long friend was the final straw. I guess you felt guilty you had written such a newsy letter for your friends husband to have to read when he too is grieving. You cannot be expected to cope with so much grief and not feel like you do.

One definition of depression is a total loss of control of your life. You have it in spades. your bargain was something you thought you had control of but they totally thwarted your intentions. No wonder you burst into tears.

I have one suggestion that may help. The one thing it could do is give you back your independence. We have actually been on the waiting list for social housing for about a year so our eviction did just push us up a little as we had already bid on this flat and were shortlisted. Every few weeks I have had emails offering me sheltered housing in one bed flats. Of course they were no use to me as I needed two bedrooms. If I had abandoned DS he would have been on the streets.

The point is that since they stopped giving housing benefit on the warden part of the rent they have not been able to let many properties not because the need was not there because most who are in need cannot afford the warden service which costs as much as the rent. You could qualify for one of these flats if you can afford the rent. It is worth a look. I know you would qualify on the grounds that your health requires you to be independent.

Will post about my move seperately.

ginnyknit

Sending much love from here too Monna, talk away hunny, you need it! Give yourself and your little family time to work out boundarys and try not to stress about the little stuff. Your problems are real by the way and no less important to us all xx

New washer coming tomorrow thanks to an investment coming to fruition :j Going to fulfil one of Hubbys bucket list items asap before its not possible. Just hoping everything fits in as he is due surgery soon so crossing my fingers, I will be going abroad for the first time in my life - 56 and never had a passport!

Cannot wait to get rid off all the wet washing that's been hanging around since weekend when old washer went Bang :eek: Luckily we had lots of clean underwear to keep us going :rotfl:

nursemaggie

I don't want to have a rant after Monnas problems but it was my worst ever move and I have moved an awful lot.

Actually it started off the worse. I booked a company with a good reputation that was almost 100 years old. One of the removal men was very abusive to me right from the start. He kept telling me off for not having everything packed but they only gave us tiny little boxes and we were left not just with the things you need until the last minute but all the large things that just would not go in the boxes, also they did not supply us with the packaging materials promised. Being over Christmas we had no way to buy them or contact the company.

Every time I tried to pack anything this removal man got between me and my trying to pack what I could and complained about one thing per box. He got worse and worse until I eventually raised my voice. He then became very abusive and blamed it all on me. When DS came to see what was going on he assaulted DS. I had to call the police.

The policeman took nearly an hour to come and then he said it was our word against the removal man. He did negotiate with them and they took what they had packed so we had to start again with finding another removal company.

We were very lucky we got a good one who had done a half day job so the came about 4 hours later. It was rather late when we finished but otherwise OK. Of course DS is now virtually useless as he now hurts all over. I am medicating him between unpacking so it will take a little longer. He did over do it yesterday morning when he realised there was no where to move in the living room or boxes and the Virgin engineer would not be able to do anything. I could not keep up with him as he was bringing things into the kitchen quicker than I could find places for them. I have had to throw out all but the absolute essentials like one plate and cup each an I only have two miniature cupboards in the kitchen.

My mother would have called my kitchen at the other house a kitchenette I don't know what she would call this one. We can't open the back door the washing machine will only go in half way.

Sorry I have been so long, we got the internet yesterday but DS forgot where he packed the mouse. He remembered late this afternoon.

I am going to need some advice on the storage radiators as the heaters are nearly empty by 3pm and we are both owls.

Floss

Monnagran, I completely understand how you feel. Me & my 2 sons 11 & 13 moved back into my family home with my mum when my marriage collapsed. We were able to have a bedroom as our sitting room, but still only lasted 6 months before we moved into a rented house, because me and mum had both had independence but it went on hold while we house-shared. Maybe you're ready for a place of your own if that is possible?

When you decide to go your MSE UK tour, I'm in that Lancashire coastal resort with the Tower - give me a shout when you're passing!

Much love,
Floss xx

Floss

Oh Nursemaggie what an awful experience for you both. I hope you will complain to the first company at least.

pollyanna_26

Nurse Maggie so sorry to read your post . You must both be exhausted. If you haven't done so already I recommend a hot drink and bed . Tomorrow is another day and I hope it goes well - gentle hugs .I have no knowledge re the heating problem but if no one on here can help I 'm sure you'll find some advice on the in my home forum . Wishing you a good dose of good luck . Onwards and upwards .
polly x

calicocat

Quick de-lurk...

Nursemaggie....

If it's storage heaters you have, make sure the input is higher than the output.

Keep the output lowish during the day if you are owls, the turn the output up later in the evening.

Hope that helps.

pollyanna_26

FLOSS I'm in that other seaside town that doesn't have a tower ! I'm about an hour from you so if Monna does embark on her great mse nationwide tour I'm sure between all of us she will never be far from an mser -lord help her !
Monna if you pop in here keep moving I'm preparing to follow Marie Kondo and would hate to fold you neatly away in a cupboard !
polly

Popperwell

Hi all, Its been tough for some of you Recently I took to my bed a little(Depression?)I don't know...I'd say not really. That is when you lose interest in what is going on. And don't eat. So far I am keeping an eye on the world and bothering to cook.


Occasionally my answer is to hop on a bus and go for a ride, perhaps do a quick shop and come home.


I have some events(not many)to go to and tickets were purchased some time ago. The newer events are free or very inexpensive.


Also many this year do not interest me. And one place is closing for refurbishment. So I will probably be at home more.


I was invited to Christmas Lunch and Tea which was kind.


Its gone quiet next door so neighbour trouble has stopped for now. That is always welcome.


I'm still getting through Christmas party food:pand the other day I found a shop selling probably second hand/refurbished electrical goods that are probably very good value. So I may consider. Even if they last a couple of years they are worth it. An under the counter fridge £25. A similar fridge/freezer £49. They look to be in good condition. Such an item would allow me extra space for overflow of food.


What I am reading about housing is probably what worries me most about the future so I feel for all who are going through this. And sadly much of it is caused by politics. Lets hope for better times and we're here to support each other and hopefully have ideas that may help.