Young adults at home

kpwll

Our 30yr old son still lives at home and pays an admitted subsidised rate for board & lodge(saving like crazy for deposit), he works shifts and so does hubby. He comes and goes as he likes. Like most mums, no matter what the age of your babies, you worry and I still haven't broken the habit of asking where he's going or reminding him to take a key/coat etc. We muddle along just fine with no major problems.

lulu_92

Judi wrote: »

Must admit we are still subsidising our son financially too. He's giving his Dad £15 a week and his Dad is still paying his mobile contract of £12.90 a month. At his age his older sister wasn't being subsidised but she wasn't still in 'training' so ive persuaded hubby to give him a certain bit of leeway.

Technically he is paying the phone bill via his Dad

I lived at home until I was 19, then moved out for four months, moved back for a year and moved out permanently two years ago.

My mum never expected board off me because I was at uni and my part-time job was helping me to afford transport to work and uni (taxis and trains everywhere) - all she expected was help around the house and to be courteous.

Luckily for her (in a way) I wasn't at home a lot as I had a boyfriend who lived near uni so I would stay at his student house 3-4 times a week and I worked 3-5 evenings a week.

Jagraf

Judi wrote: »

You cant expect circumstances not to change though can you. People change their minds and plans change. Nothing wrong with asking for quick text or a warning that they might not be home tonight though.

It works in both ways though. If I'm not going to be in when the men come home I usually drop them a text or warn them beforehand.

Must admit my dogs don't make a fuss when my son comes back in the early hours. They are usually just as zonked as I am.

Agreed, just courtesy whatever age. I think that sets teens up for being responsible or if people are relying on them / cooking for them etc.

Marisco

Worry_Wart wrote: »

I moved out when I was 18 and never looked back. I lived in some proper dumps, with some very strange people, and some very amazing people that I'm still close friends with decades on, had times when we were all so broke we watched tv in sleeping bags in the front room as we couldn't afford heating and lived off chick pea curry. So many people seem to live at home until they can afford to buy their own home these days. You need to strike out and get some independence and live a little. Then you can come home at 3am, 4am, or 8am after a night out without anyone badgering you.

Kids these days!

Same as my kids, they made their own way, and their own mistakes, and I wouldn't have it any other way. They have been able to weather lifes ups and downs because they were independent and made their own choices. I'd have hated them living at home, as I know I'd be like many on this thread i.e "where are you going, who're you going with, what time will you be in" etc, and it's not right.

As for myself, I got married from home at 19 (as nearly everyone did then) people tended not to leave home until they married, but I can't ever remember my parents being restrictive though.

Oh and if the dogs are the problem, get rid of the dogs, get cats, they couldn't care less who comes and goes

gettingtheresometime

OH has a theory that humans are unique in the sense that once their offspring is old enough to fend for themselves, parents (sometimes) see it still as their role to look after them.........

Our son is at Uni and I dread to think what he gets up to (and what time he gets in!) so I have some sympathy for OP's son if he's being told that there's a curfew

supermassive

In a nutshell, your child will never learn if you continue to mollycoddle. He isn't even a child, he's a grown adult.

It's not your place to say he can and cannot go out etc. Or what time he can come in, but it is your place to request that he doesn't wake you and isn't discourteous.

Can you imagine your mother coming to your house every day and telling you exactly what you can and cannot do? Ridiculous!

What's worse is that with some personality types, they'll wait for their brief moment of freedom and go right off the rails.

Marisco

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

OH has a theory that humans are unique in the sense that once their offspring is old enough to fend for themselves, parents (sometimes) see it still as their role to look after them.........

Your oh is right, you've only to look at all the wildlife progs to see that. Once "out of the nest" it's a case of "there you go, on your way now"! Some humans can't let go even when their offspring gets married and have their own! :eek:

[Deleted User]

Marisco wrote: »

Your oh is right, you've only to look at all the wildlife progs to see that. Once "out of the nest" it's a case of "there you go, on your way now"! Some humans can't let go even when their offspring gets married and have their own! :eek:

It's a good job we're not like other animals or we wouldn't have ipads or space travel!

I don't understand why comparing ourselves and society to other 'lower' species is useful. If you're going to compare, maybe look at similar species such as the Bonobo.

Sorry gettingtheresometime OH, but Bonobo sons and mothers maintain a lifelong bond.

Marisco

ringo_24601 wrote: »

It's a good job we're not like other animals or we wouldn't have ipads or space travel!

I don't understand why comparing ourselves and society to other 'lower' species is useful. If you're going to compare, maybe look at similar species such as the Bonobo.

Sorry gettingtheresometime OH, but Bonobo sons and mothers maintain a lifelong bond.

I didn't say it was right, I was agreeing with the posters oh, that that is how it is in the wild, with a very few exceptions.

The problem is with humans though, some want their offspring to be dependant on them for life, and don't like it when they go off and do their own thing. They interfere, try and tell them what to do, how to do it and generally undermine the confidence of a young person. Sadly I've seen this in action, with someone I knew years ago.

[Deleted User]

It's interesting, because I'm young enough to remember feeling 'too old' to live with my parents and now I've got my own little kids to rule over

You spend your 18 years of parenting 'children' making rules and decisions that you think will keep them safe, on the straight and narrow - then I guess over a few years they start to want to do things their own way, without your rules. To push those boundaries like they did in their formative years.

I guess when your kids become adults their needs to be changes. You have to treat them more like a housemate than a child. However, they need to assume the similar responsibilities (Washing up/cleaning/laundry ect)