Young adults at home

gettingtheresometime

j.e.j. wrote: »

Dogs do tend to bark when someone comes in though, don't they?

My mutt usually woofs once, in his sleep and that's it (great guard dog eh) but last night OH came in at half past one and the dog didn't even stir.

System

I did pretty much the same thing onomatopoeia99, i moved to uni 10 years ago and never went back. Even if at one point i did end up in a dingy bedsit :rotfl:

To be fair they didn;t mind me going out, once i was 18, as long as i was quiet when i got in. They did have a HUGE issue with bf's staying over so more often than not i stayed at bf's house. That was always an issue for me. I saw myself as an adult in a long term(well by my 18 year olds self standards) relationship and resented not being treated like an adult in respect to that.

Prbably worked out better for everyone, i get on much better with my parents now, and my sister got my room so even if wanted to move home at any point (which i was always told wasn;t an option, for me anyway, my sister was allowed to) i couldn;t.

Mojisola

Because of health problems, we had a couple of young adults stay at home longer than they might otherwise have done.

I saw it as really important that we started treating them as adults (and they stopped treating us as 'parents' who dealt with all household issues) and we all readjusted to being adults sharing a household - not as equals because they weren't contributing equally as they would if we were sharing everything but, as pmlindyloo says, it's about treating each other in a respectful way.

ciderwithrosie_2

So it's the dogs that disturb your husband, not the hour your son comes home at?

SingleSue

I just gave eldest a key, told him to be quiet when he came in and left a light on downstairs so he didn't have to bang about trying to find the light switch.

Initially, I was nervous and couldn't sleep until I heard him coming in but after a while I relaxed, went to bed and when I got up in the morning, would check to see if there was a key downstairs which told me he had got in ok.

Fizzy11

My daughter has moved in & out as relationships broke up & redundancy happened but she is now at 31 is living in her own flat earning way over the national average. She says herself without knowing our support was always there she would not have achieved what she has. She won't rush into living with someone again as she feels respect in your home is the most important thing. Tough love doesn't mean they don't love you.

Morglin

madwomanintraining wrote: »

He does pay rent.
It's got worse since being 18, as so many of his friends seem to have free reign to do exactly as they please (I have seen plenty of evidence of this ie clubbing till 3am, girlfriends staying over etc.)
My husband works shifts so during the week we tend to want him home a reasonable time and he needs to get up for work so he tends to go along with this but weekends he want to be out all hours like his friends which causes some of the conflict (my husband works weekend too).
When I really think about it the problems probably started with him leaving school and making some very poor choices regarding a girlfriend who caused him no end of grief but he wouldn't give up, despite her costing him a couple of good friends and him giving up all his sporting ambitions for her too, and making poor choices like modifying his car then finding out he had invalidated his car insurance when pulled over by the police, and getting involved with some friends who are always getting in trouble with the police (luckily he has since dropped them). So I suppose some of it is trust issues too.

No, really, he is an adult, who should be able to come and go, as he chooses. Your 'lack of trust' is not his problem, it's yours.

What time he comes in is his decision.

Set the house rules for what happens when he is in your house, but let him make his own choices (and mistakes!) with all else, assuming it's legal.

That's part of growing up and becoming an adult.

It's never easy with adult kids living at home, and everyone has to give and take.

Lin

Jagraf

Morglin wrote: »

No, really, he is an adult, who should be able to come and go, as he chooses. Your 'lack of trust' is not his problem, it's yours.

What time he comes in is his decision.

Set the house rules for what happens when he is in your house, but let him make his own choices (and mistakes!) with all else, assuming it's legal.

That's part of growing up and becoming an adult.

It's never easy with adult kids living at home, and everyone has to give and take.

Lin

I think I will really struggle with my DD being under my roof at 18 and not knowing what time she is coming in. I think its respectful for anyone to give a time so that the whole household know. She is 16 and when we go out, we tell her when we will be back, so that she doesn't worry, same if OH goes out or I do. Heck, my 35 year old brother lived with me for a while and I insisted he gave me times too.

I'm not saying limit or put boundaries around them, but if they are going to be in at 2, they should say so and stick to it.

If they are not at home that's different as it doesn't affect anyone else.

System

I'm not saying limit or put boundaries around them, but if they are going to be in at 2, they should say so and stick to it.

You cant expect circumstances not to change though can you. People change their minds and plans change. Nothing wrong with asking for quick text or a warning that they might not be home tonight though.

It works in both ways though. If I'm not going to be in when the men come home I usually drop them a text or warn them beforehand.

Must admit my dogs don't make a fuss when my son comes back in the early hours. They are usually just as zonked as I am.

Worry_Wart

I moved out when I was 18 and never looked back. I lived in some proper dumps, with some very strange people, and some very amazing people that I'm still close friends with decades on, had times when we were all so broke we watched tv in sleeping bags in the front room as we couldn't afford heating and lived off chick pea curry. So many people seem to live at home until they can afford to buy their own home these days. You need to strike out and get some independence and live a little. Then you can come home at 3am, 4am, or 8am after a night out without anyone badgering you.

Kids these days!