Young adults at home

madwomanintraining

Thanks for all the replies - I forgot to say that part of the problem about coming in at 3am is that we have two dogs that go nuts when he comes in so it wakes the whole house up, and takes time for them to settle again.

j.e.j.

madwomanintraining wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies - I forgot to say that part of the problem about coming in at 3am is that we have two dogs that go nuts when he comes in so it wakes the whole house up, and takes time for them to settle again.

What is it that YOU (or his dad) want the lad to do? Do you want him to stop going out clubbing? or to go out but be in at a reasonable time (say, before midnight)

Can he stay at a friend's house after he's been to the clubs, if him returning late and setting the dogs off is such an issue?

I think you all need to compromise a bit. You can't really expect an adult child not to go out and have a social life, or to be in at a certain time, imo.

System

My 19 year old son comes and goes where he wants but he always tells me where he's going. If he isn't coming home he texts me. I follow his twitter feed too (which he's happy about BTW). Only thing I'm not really happy about is girlfriends sleeping over but up to now they have all lived hundreds of miles away and up to now they've always come to him.

Jagraf

Your rules. If your son is disturbing the shift pattern then he needs to stop it, either by abiding by your rules or living elsewhere.

How often does he go out clubbing ?

Jagraf

Fizzy11 wrote: »

This isn't really about your son paying rent it's about respect which works both ways. Maybe explain to son that you agree it's unfortunate that his father works hard all hours of the day to provide a roof over his head so tell him you think he should start looking at shared houses. Not in an argumentative way but calmly. He may well be shocked but you are giving him power which at 18 he craves. Explain that neither of you want this to happen but if he feels he can't live by your rules then so be it. Don't shout about being an adult but treat him like a child & don't argue about what isn't inevitable. Stop buying food he likes, stop having those treats in & stop making life easy. It isn't as an adult but we learn to compromise. My daughter moved out to a house share after returning home from uni. She lasted 24 hrs!!!

Excellent post.

Mojisola

madwomanintraining wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies - I forgot to say that part of the problem about coming in at 3am is that we have two dogs that go nuts when he comes in so it wakes the whole house up, and takes time for them to settle again.

So this is a problem with the dogs, not your son.

Get some help from a canine behaviourist.

peachyprice

Mojisola wrote: »

So this is a problem with the dogs, not your son.

Get some help from a canine behaviourist.

Quite!

We have comings and going at odd times all through the night, son's come in anywhere between 11pm and 6am, husband comes home from work sometimes at 2am and goes to work at 4am other times, I occasionally go to work at 5am and have been known to come home from a night out in the wee small hours , our dog never barks at family members coming and going. He know's it's us.

onomatopoeia99

Fizzy11 wrote: »

My daughter moved out to a house share after returning home from uni. She lasted 24 hrs!!!

Whereas I kept my head down and bit my tounge while living at my parents', went to university and never came back other than to visit.

I think if I'd lived there after. I'd not get on with them half so well as I do nowadays, as there would have been a meltdown at some point. By me, regarding privacy and independence. So instead, rather than making a fuss and yelling, as I can't abide that, I demonstrated in the simplest way possible that I was an adult and independent by actually being those very things and living on my own over 100 miles away.

j.e.j.

Mojisola wrote: »

So this is a problem with the dogs, not your son.

Get some help from a canine behaviourist.

Dogs do tend to bark when someone comes in though, don't they?

Mojisola

madwomanintraining wrote: »

I forgot to say that part of the problem about coming in at 3am is that we have two dogs that go nuts when he comes in so it wakes the whole house up, and takes time for them to settle again.

j.e.j. wrote: »

Dogs do tend to bark when someone comes in though, don't they?

Not if it's a family member or someone known to them.

They certainly shouldn't be 'going nuts' when someone comes into the house!